Long story, cut short, but may mean an element of drip feeding. DS1 is 10yo now.
Ex has had a court order for access to DS1 since he was 3yo. He moved in with his current partner when DS1 was 4yo. She already had a child from a previous relationship. He is now 7yo, and has been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. Ex and new partner now have two other children, a son who is about to turn 3yo, and a daughter who is 7mo.
DS1 has had numerous problems with his SM, and her actions (I feel it borders on cruelty/ emotional abuse), he complains about not wanting to go, which has me telling him, bright and breezy, that he has to go.
He went there last Friday, for a week. He came back yesterday evening. He started telling me about an argument between his dad and his SM, about her selling my Ex's computer game to buy yet another wrap sling.
The row went on till 5am, when SM walked out WITHOUT the 7mo baby, who is ebf. No bottles in the house, no money left for Ex (she took all the money), no phone (ex not allowed a mobile) and no keys as she took them.
She was gone till 11am that day. Ex and DS1 were 'juggling' (DS1's words) a 7yo with Autism, an almost 3yo with development delay AND a very hungry screaming 7mo. When she got back, DS1 asked if she could help with the baby, and she grabbed his wrist. He has fingertip bruising on his wrist. Which I had noticed, and was what prompted the discussion.
She stormed upstairs, but her 7yo was on the stairs. She tried to hit the 7yo, but he ducked.
She stayed in her room for half an hour, during which time, Ex was dealing with the 7yo & 3yo, and DS1 was dealing with the hungry 7mo.
In the end, DS1 went upstairs and tried to get her to come and feed her baby. He called her an idiot and told her that sulking in her room like that made her an 'overgrown teenager'. She went to hit him, he shouted "DON'T", and his 7yo Sbro ran out of his room, and pulled him backwards so that it didn't connect.
DS1 has told me that it is far from the first time she has raised a hand to him, though this was the first time he really knew she was going to hit him.
Another 20 minutes later, she still hadn't fed the baby, so he took the baby up, pushed the baby into her arms, and told her to do what she had to do, and stop acting like an overgrown teenager.
The thing is, Ex has spoken to DS1 in confidence, and told him that he can't leave, as he then will be unable to see or protect the toddler and baby (she WOULD make it difficult for him to see them, she has form with her 7yo's dad), and if DS1 stops going there, then Ex would be unable to see him, as she would kick him out if he went out to see DS1.
DS1 has told me to leave it until SM DOES hit him, because then she will be put in prison, and his dad will get custody of the little ones, and he will then be able to see his dad and his brother and sister without his dad losing his other DC.
My 10yo is willing to be physically hurt in order for his dad to not lose out on his little kids and to still see his dad without her there.
Can't get a solicitor, Ex is with the best firm in town, my other Ex (Ex-P) has tied up 5 other firms, and my old one no longer takes legal aid (am on benefits).
Where can I go to for advice? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, and so does DS1.
To complicate matters, I don't want to put additional stress on DS1 as his 11+ is in September, and he NEEDS to get into the Grammar school.
Grrrrr. I'm alternately fuming and upset.
And the worst thing? As he had a GENUINE accidental injury to his tooth while he was at his dad's, and the fingertip bruising has had half a week to heal, I'm not going to be able to prove fuck all. I only recognise fingertip bruising as I was physically abused as a child. Grrrrrrrrrr.
Where do I go for advice, when I can't get a solicitor? My friend suggested Women's Aid, but he's a child?
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Legal matters
DS1 and his stepmum.
CouthyMow · 04/08/2012 10:24
Goodness, what a burden for a ten-year old to carry. 
Keep him away OP. To buy time, at least say till hes passed his entry test. He's only ten but he's being abused there, and he's expected to behave like an adult, especially by your DH.
DH needs to man up and think about Welfare of ALL his children, which includes your DS.
Sorry, no legal advice but sending you a hug, and am sure someone with legal advice will be along shortly.
Hug for DS. x
No I don't I meant in the future. If he knows that she is not reliable regarding feeding, then he needs to prepare for next time.
It's Mother's guilt, but also how DS1 feels.
God, it's such a nightmare. And Ex won't leave her because he won't want to leave the little ones with her.
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