21 & debating on a third baby.

[Youngmama228]

I'm 21, have DS 2& a half, DD 8months. Been with my almost DH for over 8 years, he works a good job, earning on the much higher end. I stay at home with the children.
We've always said we wanted 5/6 children.
I know we could have more when we're older but I'd like to just be done having kids and not wait till we're 30 to have another.
But now were debating to stop at two, makes holidays easier, don't need to move to a bigger house, get a bigger car etc. How did everyone cope with 3, was it abit of a regret having a third?

[AnotherEmma]

Get married first. You're in a vulnerable position as an unmarried SAHM. Once you're married, why not. (FWIW I do think 5/6 is far too many children when the world is overpopulated as it is, although that may well be an unpopular opinion on this board!)

[GrumpyHoonMain]

I think you should wait until your existing kids go to school before you add another one. It will make childcare easier even if you are a sahp

[Youngmama228]

Wedding is booked for February 24th.

[Rainycloudyday]

Don’t even consider it until you’re married. Get married anyway, as soon as you can or for goodness sake get yourself a career. Unless you have independent financial means such as a lottery win, you’re in a hideously vulnerable situation. Address that before considering more kids.

[Rainycloudyday]

Ah cross post, that’s good!

[EmperorBallpitine]

You know, I'm 42, have three kids and I have to say, you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position, even if your relationship survives down the ages until you are both ancient because.....
The more children you have, the more impossible it is to find a fulfilling job which you MIGHT find hard to believe/unnecessary now but when you are 20 years without anything but mum on your CV and the children are all at school, you will be looking at all the other women your age, wondering where you let yourself down.
Because they'll all have had career gaps, but still got jobs to go back to, contacts, they'll have ideas of where their skills lie, they'll be rebooting their careers, buying themselves nice stuff, going on girls weekends to Barcelona, conferences, getting things done. And you? Will be unemployable. Lonely. Guilty about spending money on yourself.
Stop having children, get a job, have some more children in a few years by all means but don't forget to develop YOURSELF as well as your family. I am speaking from experience. I did not do it and it is high on IMPOSSIBLE to do it 'later'. Especially if you have a big family.

[CandyApple1995]

I'm curious as to why people are urging the op to get married first?

[Chattybum]

It's very true what pp have said. You will be a mum to young children for a few years but you have a whole lifetime to consider, so make sure you develop professionally too.

[Youngmama228]

Iv been to college & I'm a qualified veterinary care assistant so it's not like iv not got anything behind me 🙄

[notnowmaybelater]

Youngmama228 I found lots of little children easy - I was a childminder when my older 2 were small, always lived having loads of children around, read lots of child development and child psychology and followed the early years curriculum, thrived on it ... I thought I'd found what I was best at - had excellent routines, my children are and slept well, I breastfed each of mine for a year and they are whatever was put in front of them. Potty training was easy at just about text book ages (2.5 the girl, 2.9 the boy - both night dry reliably by 3). I thought I had it sorted and more would be easy.

Then dc3 didn't sleep for 3 years (4 hours to fall asleep, slept for 45 minutes to 1.5 hour stretches. For 3 years. He was also a very fussy eater and almost impossible to potty train until he was 3.5. He's a delightful, loving, intelligent child and I did everything the same as dc1 and dc2...

All children are different, you might get a much more difficult dc3...

I don't regret dc3 one bit, he's unique and hilarious and fascinating and kind and loving - but I wouldn't have more even if I could.

Additionally it turns out to be good that I didn't have more, because obviously those gorgeous squidgy babies and uncomplicated toddlers turn into complex individual older children and teens who need the individual attention of their parents and deserve not to be part of a group all the time.

Each child deserves seperate hobbies, seperate friends, seperate time with each parent, to be taken seperately to clubs and activities which they don't share with siblings.

All that is quite hard even with 3...

Plus all the stuff everyone else is saying about having a career to fall back on just in case. You cannot know for certain what the future holds.

Even if you sah get yourself a private pension of your own - if your much higher earner husband to be values your contribution he'll have no issues paying into a pension you can both enjoy together in 40 years time ...

[Wishforsnow]

You got together at 13?! What is the rush to do everything now. At least wait until your wedding so you have some security

[Serenschintte]

I had two by 26. Then we waited to have more. Now I can’t get pregnant. Being a mum is a wonderful think.
I agree about the protection marriage gives but otherwise have the children you would like to have.
As you get older you also get more tired.
Anything could happen in the future and you haven’t mentioned any issues on your relationship. I’d rather trust my other half. Children bring a lot of joy

[Chattybum]

Don't roll your eyes OP, you may be qualified but do you have any experience? Now could be a good time to get some or as your children get older.

[Youngmama228]

@Wishforsnow yeah been together since we where 13!!

[IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory]

I’d say if you’re going to have more do it now so they’re all closer in age. It means you get back to work sooner which is your financial security (and sanity when you have a house full of kids )

But I think it sounds like you’re happy with 2 but just are a bit afraid to say that’s you done for sure?

[smoresmores]

With all due respect college qualifications and no work experience with years of career gap in the middle isn't going to give you much of a career to fall back on.

Agree with PP that I would pursue that first, get a good few years experience under your belt and then have the third DC.

[Youngmama228]

@Serenschintte my relationship hasn't got any issues nor is there any trust issues

[Velveteenfruitbowl]

I’d get a degree instead. Why have six children through the local comp when you could have two in private school? When it comes to parenting it’s selfish to choose quantity over quality.

[Youngmama228]

I didn't post to expect a witch hunt 🙄

[Mjlp]

If you get pregnant now there will only be about 16 months between your youngest. It can be a bit of a handful have two so close together. There are 17 months between my eldest two and they were a handful. They used to fight like cat and when they were little. They get on great now they're teenagers though. I think 3 or 4 years is a nice age gap. Young enough to still play together but old enough to be a bit more independent and not be jealous. I'm 42 and I have 5 children now, currently pregnant with number 6. Having lots of children is lovely ❤️

[stucknoue]

You are very young. Wait until your youngest is at least in preschool before you think about it because the jump from 2-3 is quite difficult because of practical things. But whilst I hope you have found lifelong love, with you being so young when you got together, from personal experience, people change, not everything lasts forever, returning to work once your baby is in preschool gives you the option of building a career, even consider going back to college in a few years, harder with more kids.

There's also problems with cars, hotel rooms etc which are easy for 4, harder for 5

[Onpins]

Go for it, there’s plenty of time for a career, you’ll be working until your 68. Family is what life is all about.

[Mjlp]

*cat and dog

[Chattybum]

You posted for advice, you are getting advice OP. Just have a browse of other threads of women who have been sahp for decades only to find themselves shafted later in life because they did not invest in themselves early on.

[Velveteenfruitbowl]

@CandyApple1995 incase her OH abandons them. Being a single parent is hard, it’s even harder when you have no money.