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3 children by 3 different dads ???

(37 Posts)
Thefamilythatmadelifeperfect Mon 01-Jul-19 12:25:29

Is 3 children by 3 different dads bad??
I have this horrible feeling about being judged...
I have 2 boys by 2 different dads currently.
My oldest son i had when I was 21 and we was with each other for 4 years and it just didnt work we was young.
My 2nd son I had 3 years ago he is such a little terror but wouldnt change him. I met his dad and we was together for 10months when I found out I was pregnant even though I was on the pill we agreed to keep him and stayed together for 4 years but we argued constantly and if it wasnt going his way he would ignore me until I agreed with him or done what he wanted. So that ended.
I met my partner who I'm with now and omg I've never felt love like it he is my world and I couldnt ever see my self not being with him.. we had a chat about having a child of our own and originally I said 3 years time. He hasnt got any of his own and adores my boys but he would like his own.
I just worry what peoples view will be on this??, how I will look with 3 children with different dads??? Also we have been together a year ?? Should I just not care what people think and do what makes me happy?? Or should I worry???
Advice no nasty comments.

HavelockVetinari Mon 01-Jul-19 16:06:46

Oof, you need to slow right down for your existing children's sakes. You've been in a relationship less than a year but you've already moved him in with your DC and are planning another baby?!

AllFourOfThem Mon 01-Jul-19 16:14:39

I think some PP are being deliberately obtuse about high earning and part time carer going together. It’s subjective and if the OP feels that salary is high earning then perhaps it’s because of her family or social circle that she is comparing it to.

I wouldn’t judge someone who had three children with three different fathers but I would if those children were not prioritised and well cared for in all respects.

OralBElectricToothbrush Mon 01-Jul-19 17:13:13

It doesn't sound the stablest, either, you work PT, you are privately renting, you're not married to your partner, you've only been together a year and you've already moved him in with your kids.

BerylCrow Mon 01-Jul-19 17:44:09

My DP is part of a 4 x 4 sibling group, and actually he does 'judge' his mother in the sense that he obviously has an opinion on it, and feelings about it, and has been affected by it.

As adults the siblings rarely see each other. It all got too complicated and messy. He finds his mother to be self-absorbed. He is a hurt bloke.

So I think if you talk to or read about older children of 3x3s or 4x4s who were brought up in non-celebrity circumstances, you might get an idea of some of the risks to the children. Currently you only seem conscious of the risks to yourself.

Monday55 Tue 02-Jul-19 10:38:21

Ofcourse people will judge, just refrain from telling people your business.

louise5754 Tue 02-Jul-19 11:05:19

My cousin has3 kids with3 men. She is pregnant with her 4th. All under 7 too so not the same circumstances as yours. The eldest doesn't see her dad.

My brother in law also has 4 kids with 4 different women. He only sees 2 of them.

P1nkHeartLovesCake Tue 02-Jul-19 11:13:21

Well it’s not ideal is it? 3 children, 3 dad’s. I mean you can have a relationship without having a child by them.

Is this relationship actually stable? Saying well his good with mine and would like his own, isn’t reason enough to have another child.

Also people that say met my partner who I'm with now and omg I've never felt love like it he is my world are normally the relationships that fail it’s the whole “never felt love like it” your what a year in.....

Bluerussian Wed 03-Jul-19 00:29:10

Interesting family you have, louise.

louise5754 Wed 03-Jul-19 18:02:56

@Bluerussian how rude

Hannahlouise4026 Tue 06-Aug-19 13:33:19

Please wait! I’m not sure on your ages. It having a baby after only a year with someone imo isn’t a great idea. I was with my now husband for almost 10 years before having our first, we were both ready before this in terms of being financially secure and truly in love, but wanted to enjoy being together.

Gin96 Wed 07-Aug-19 11:36:17

I wouldn’t worry about general people judging you, they don’t live your life, what you do won’t effect them and what they do won’t effect you. The only people who are important are you and and your 2 children and maybe your partner if he shows after time he is worth caring about. If it doesn’t work out with your partner and you are left on your own with 3 children will you cope? That’s the question you need to ask yourself, as no relationship is a guarantee of staying together and living happily ever after i’m afraid

Tweetingmagpie Tue 27-Aug-19 13:34:47

If you have your own money and house then I wouldn’t advise you to get married to someone you’ve been with w year when you have older children to think about, there’s plenty of time to get married in the future when you’ve been together for a few years.

I think you know if this person is right for you and your family or not, I’d go by your gut instinct. Some people may judge but I don’t think that should bother you, and tbh most people won’t know anyway.

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