In laws refuse to come to ours at Christmas(30 Posts)
First post - wondering how to approach/deal with this and thought I'd try out Mumsnet.
We are in the process of moving from London to Bournemouth. We have offered to host Christmas for my in laws, brother in law and his partner previously at ours in London but that offer was turned down straight away. We do understand why - we have three bedrooms but it would have been v cramped and not room for everyone to fit round the table. Several years on and we are finally making the big move out of London to the south coast. We also have a toddler and another due in the autumn. My brother in law now has three dogs (lab, border collie and cocker spaniel).
We will finally genuinely have enough space (sleeping and living) for everyone and because of our move the topic of Christmas and this dilemma came up earlier than it should have done. We alternate Christmas with my family and my husband's and it's our turn to be with his family this year. We have never hosted and as we will have space and a new baby (so don't fancy travelling) have offered to host - we were genuinely looking forward to this. They are all based about 3 hours north of Bournemouth and have only ever had Christmas at my in laws or brother in law's house. We didn't mention the dogs at all when we invited them but we will have a relatively new baby and the dogs are lively and fed a strict raw meat diet (!?!?) So not sure how the storage of that would work out with all the food needed for Christmas.
MIL has told my husband they can't come because of brother in law's dogs - he doesn't want to leave them over Christmas. So parents in law and brother in law, his partner and the dogs will have Christmas together then come to us on the 27th when the dogs can stay with the partner's mother. My husband is a man of few words and won't have said much when he was told and will have moved the conversation on. His family tend not to say when something has upset them or bothering them. But I think he is hurt and disappointed. I have suggested saying something (such as why can't his parents at least come for Christmas if his brother can't) as I was not part of the conversation but he doesn't want me to and has said I should just leave it.
Should we just leave it? Should we find a way of letting them know that we're sad and disappointed? Does this mean they will never come to ours for Christmas because of the brother in law's dogs (I feel it is a bit odd that the dogs come before seeing their only grandchildren) - is it better to accept this and move on rather than upset them by letting them know we're upset?
I have hosted Christmas on the 27th, it really doesn't feel any different to doing it 2 days earlier. Would you really want to leave BIL out for the sake of 2 days?
This sounds like your chance to get out of having to share Christmas with other people for the rest of your lives! Grab the opportunity to make it just your family, making your own traditions. Two days later for others to join will be lovely, now you can concentrate on it just being you and your children
You’ll have a new baby. And first Xmas in a new home. Sounds like an ideal solution to me.
OP - if a Christmas with just your immediate family is an appealing idea, then so much the better and I'm sure you will have a lovely time.
If not, I do think some of the PPs are missing the point - it may be some people's idea of heaven not to host at Christmas, but I like to spend time with the extended family and would be disappointed to be passed over so blatantly in favour of other family members. If you feel the same, OP, then I think you need to discuss it with your husband before even thinking of saying anything to your in-laws. If he really isn't bothered, then perhaps it is time to shake up the routine and see if your family want to stay - if that means that you can't host on the 27th (did they actually ask if that was ok, or just assume your invitation was flexible?) then you will need to work around that.
We regularly have 2 christmases due to family logistics
I have 3 adult children and all work shifts where they would possibly need to work over Christmas anyway
There are 3 grandsons, brothers 7 and 9, and cousin 6
All 3 accept the fact there is usually more than 1 Christmas and live the fact they get presents twice over
Enjoy Christmas with your own family unit and then celebrate just a few days later with relatives
It’s a win, win
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