Pregnant with third DC, desperately need reassurance from you lovely people

(35 Posts)
squonkyone Tue 13-Sep-16 09:41:30

Hello everybody. I am pregnant with my third DC. This was a wanted baby, with a large age gap (my youngest DC is 6) - I just had never felt 'done', always wanted three children (not necessarily another baby though), felt jealous of others with three DC. And felt that I would regret sticking with two and it was now or never (I'm into my early 40s). Anyway, got pregnant pretty much immediately and now ... I am utterly bricking it.

I think I mistook myself for somebody else, who would be able to cope with this. But in reality I have a fairly demanding full-time job, as does my DH, who is particularly stressed at the moment and spends a lot of time loudly sighing. The baby will put us under additional financial pressure - not unmanageable, but we had started to feel relatively comfortable and now will be going backwards. I have no idea how I am going to be able to give my two DC and a baby sufficient time and attention. I am terrified about the tiredness, the effect on my career, which has already slowed to a snail's pace in terms of progression. My other DC are lovely but there are always various issues (nothing serious, just school type stuff, friendships etc) and at the moment parenting does not feel very joyful, it feels like a bit of a slog to be honest. Of course, I KNEW all this, but I've sort of forgotten why I wanted this in the first place.

None of this is helped given that I feel especially rubbish at the moment (about 11 weeks, so of course no going back). Please forgive my moaning and remind me that there will be some good bits about three DC!!!

user1472662726 Tue 13-Sep-16 09:46:41

Hello sqonky, no wisdom but I'm pretty much in same boat. 42, 8 weeks and 7 year age gap. And I feel awful. Someone come and tell us it'll be great.

squonkyone Tue 13-Sep-16 09:51:30

Hello user147! Let's give each other some solidarity. I woke up in the middle of the night last night with terrible indigestion and was annoyed, but then was thinking, this is NOTHING compared to feeding a baby. We will manage though .. because we have to, I guess. Congratulations!

Teammck05 Tue 13-Sep-16 10:10:53

I've got 3 DCs, youngest was born when I was 40. I felt the same as you two, was totally bricking it and thought there was no way I would cope. DC3 was a surprise, 4 years on now and she's the best surprise we ever had. Our wee family feels totally complete now and a proper wee team. Yes we are not as financially well off but richer in so many other ways. It will be okay guys it really will.

waitinglistquery Tue 13-Sep-16 10:18:48

I had my third at 38. Cannot imagine our family without her now smile

Yes it would be easier having just two (or one, or none!) but the older two adore her. As a third time mum I was also much more relaxed during the newborn stage - I didn't worry about every single little thing, didn't try to control her sleeping / napping etc so much and as a result enjoyed that stage so much more.

Congratulations flowers

squonkyone Tue 13-Sep-16 11:09:16

Thanks for replying everybody. This is just what I need. It WILL be OK/good.

user1472662726 Tue 13-Sep-16 11:33:43

Yes thanks everyone. Just wish I could get past the sickness, worries re babies health, to happy thoughts.

Congratulations to you too sqonky..... Let's buoy each other up.

squonkyone Tue 13-Sep-16 12:04:48

Yes, I'll be regularly checking in. Got my scan this week and veering wildly between fear about having this baby, and fear that there will be something wrong. I do think it's much harder to feel positive when you feel rubbish.

HerRoyalNotness Tue 13-Sep-16 12:19:36

I'm 43 and 11+5 with DC4. Will have a 6.5yr age gap to DC2 and almost 10yrs to DC1.

I didn't expect to be pregnant at this age, but we lost DD1 2 years ago as a preemie, and we didn't want to leave our family like that.

I've had the trisomy blood test and all is normal along with other blood week and found out we're having another DD. Still trying to not be anxious every second of the day.

Her older DBs are chuffed to bits to be getting, everything crossed, another sister. I might go off and join the ante natal threads now I'm a bit further along.

I'm sure it'll all be fine!

user1472662726 Tue 13-Sep-16 12:51:54

Sorry for your loss her royal. Congratulations on your new pregnancy. So glad to hear your bloods were good. Best of luck with your scan sqonky.

I'm having harmony on 30 sept. Am literally counting days til results.

Thanks for your positive thoughts her royal!

theconstantinoplegardener Tue 13-Sep-16 12:52:32

I have three children too. I can't reassure you re the baby's health (hopefully the scan will do that!) or the impact on your finances, but with regards to time - it is tricky but you will find ways to cope! Remember that your existing children will be six months older than they are now by the time your baby arrives, and more capable and independent than than they are now. Try to get them used to doing as much as possible for themselves before your baby is born: making their own beds, doing their own hair, making breakfast for themselves, tidying up after themselves if they don't already. Perhaps they could earn extra screen time in return for helping out with laundry etc?! It's inevitable that you won't be able to give your youngest child as much individual attention as your older children have had, but he or she will probably get lots of attention and stimulation from your older children. If you are missing special time with your older children, perhaps you can arrange to have one-to-one time with each of them at weekends while your DH takes care of your other two children. Good luck!

Theknittinggorilla Tue 13-Sep-16 13:10:21

Ooh joining in, 8 weeks pregnant with much wanted dc3 but also panicking about the chaos of three. And not sure how I am going to survive pregnancy with two rowdy pre-schoolers. My dc are 3.9 and 18 months and 18 month old has turned into devil toddler overnight, while I'm exhausted and nauseous. Would be good to keep each other company....!

Theknittinggorilla Tue 13-Sep-16 13:11:39

Oh and user I have booked serenity for 24 September, partly as I already look 6 months pregnant and am never going to be able to hide this from work for another month

user1472662726 Tue 13-Sep-16 13:27:49

Good luck gorilla! I don't think I could manage if my DC were here all day.

Teammck05 Tue 13-Sep-16 13:37:41

Gorilla, your children are a bit older than mine where when DC3 was born. DS1 was 3 and DS2 was 17months. I remember panicking g that DS2 wouldn't be walking yet before baby arrived, but luckily started at 17months. It was exhausting but they all get on so well and myself and DH are often surplus to requirements when they are all playing together. They really are great friends as well as siblings. Very best wishes and congratulations to all the ladies on this thread. Xxxx

Theknittinggorilla Tue 13-Sep-16 13:38:39

I work and they go to nursery 3 days so not too bad. But I'm going to have 5 months with all three before ds1 starts school eek. Think they will still be going to nursery smile

I actually think being pregnant with two is going to be harder than actually having three, I think you forget what it's like to feel normal and energetic (and patient!) during this stage. That's what I keep telling myself anyway......

Teammck05 Tue 13-Sep-16 13:38:57

That should read started walking at 15 months.

Theknittinggorilla Tue 13-Sep-16 13:39:26

Thanks team it's very good to hear lovely positive stories!

schbittery Tue 13-Sep-16 13:40:08

Ive got 3, last born at 39. We both work FT. I't hectic, but fine, and fun smile

HerRoyalNotness Tue 13-Sep-16 14:59:54

I guess when you think of it as well, when you have the bigger age gap, the other 2 are at school, the baby will get your undivided attention during the day, just like your firstborn, which will be nice. Mind you, I'll only have 2 months, then the DC will be off for the summer for 11 weeks. Will have to save a bit for summer camp and hope I'm in a good routine by then.

I'm going to put mine on the school bus in the new year to give me a little longer of a day without school runs. They'll have to leave half an hour earlier, that will be interesting grin

strawberrybootlace Tue 13-Sep-16 15:08:18

The best thing about 3 children is that there is always someone to play with when one dc is out.

Also that it's often possible to do something on your own with one child. 'Please go and play with x whilst I help y with their homework'

Being one of 3 has been very beneficial to my dc, who have had to learn to help around the house and be more independent than they otherwise would have been.

squonkyone Tue 13-Sep-16 16:21:18

Hi all, thanks again so much for your thoughts, just got back from a very, very hot day of meetings, trying to talk sensibly to various people while pretending I don't want to throw up.

I do think big families are fab (I'm from one and that's partly I think why 2 just doesn't feel quite right). But I am especially worried about the age gap when they are teenagers - or at least when the little one is ten-ish and the other two are off at uni, or whatever. I think that could be a lonely time for DC3, and an intense time for us, as it will be like bringing up an only child. Has anyone got any experience of that? Similar concerns?

user1472662726 Tue 13-Sep-16 17:48:02

Honestly sqonky it's like you've read my mind. Our DC are 7 and almost 9 and they are such good friends and so close
.. I think because of the small gap. I do worry about the new one. If it all goes ok.

squonkyone Tue 13-Sep-16 17:59:04

Hi again user147. It's a worry isn't it. Having said that, I have a lot of siblings, and am not at all close to the one nearest in age to me, but am especially close to my little sister, who is seven years younger than me. (Also pretty close to two others who are about ten years older). Me and my little sis weren't as close during those teenage years, eg when she was 12-ish-18-ish. But before and after that we were. I did though totally adore her whatever age, and I remember when she had a car and started going out, I would sit up worried until I heard her come in (unlike my parents who couldn't be arsed by that stage and went to bed)! So I am not so worried about the age gap in terms of how they get on. I am more worried about what it will be like for my DH and me and DC3 in the latter's teenage years, because I know that I rely on my existing two to entertain each other, and won't be able to do that this time round. How on earth will we manage in the holidays? I guess we just take it as it comes though.

squonkyone Tue 13-Sep-16 17:59:17

Hi again user147. It's a worry isn't it. Having said that, I have a lot of siblings, and am not at all close to the one nearest in age to me, but am especially close to my little sister, who is seven years younger than me. (Also pretty close to two others who are about ten years older). Me and my little sis weren't as close during those teenage years, eg when she was 12-ish-18-ish. But before and after that we were. I did though totally adore her whatever age, and I remember when she had a car and started going out, I would sit up worried until I heard her come in (unlike my parents who couldn't be arsed by that stage and went to bed)! So I am not so worried about the age gap in terms of how they get on. I am more worried about what it will be like for my DH and me and DC3 in the latter's teenage years, because I know that I rely on my existing two to entertain each other, and won't be able to do that this time round. How on earth will we manage in the holidays? I guess we just take it as it comes though.

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