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I'm honestly terrified of never having children and my jealousy is getting worse

(48 Posts)
marry3456x Sat 18-Aug-18 12:21:10

Hi I'm 32.
I like all of you want children so bad.
I have my first gynaecologist apt on Tuesday and no idea what to expect.
I've always suspected endometriosis but been fobbed off for years.
I'm nervous but excited (if that's the word to use) to finally be doing something.
My friend has a son 6 (got pregnant first month) now is banging on about trying again soon..so you can bet your life 9 months time she will have a baby.
I love her but I'm so jealous.
I want a child so much i can't even say.
Just one would be enough..I just want a child.
Does anyone else feel like it's taken over every thought?

RyvitaBrevis Sat 18-Aug-18 13:22:07

Ah, that's so tough. flowers

Thinking about your appointment, best to be prepared for them to do an internal ultrasound or an internal exam.

I used to feel the way you describe all the time. Now I have good days where I feel more at peace with whatever happens, and able to feel happy for other people and hopeful for whatever the future brings, and less good days, and bad days, which I don't need to elaborate on.

If your friend is being really insensitive, it might be worth saying something to her -- not to go into detail but just to say that TTC is not the best topic for conversation for you right now, and then change the subject?

flumpybear Sat 18-Aug-18 13:37:33

It's hard, we waited 2 years and many mc before getting both children. Main thing is you're getting help and hopefully soon you'll be pregnant too - good luck!

marry3456x Sat 18-Aug-18 15:10:19

The day I go I will be on my period.
I hope that doesn't make a difference to anything they might do.

Pegs11 Sat 18-Aug-18 17:47:13

I have stopped hanging out with my friends who are pregnant/who have kids. It really helps. I don’t need to be constantly reminded of the thing I’m unable to do, it’s just torture and it’s unnecessary to put myself through that when I can just avoid it. I just hang out with people who don’t have kids now! And I’ve come off Facebook. Much better.

PS - the way I went about it was, I wrote a letter to my closest friends with kids explaining why I can’t interact with them at the moment, that I found it too difficult right now what with the fertility issues, but said that I still loved them and thought of them often, and that it didn’t mean we weren’t friends anymore, just that I need to lie low for a bit. They didn’t give me any flack, they were very understanding and happy to back off and wait until I’m ready to re-establish contact, however long that takes.

gonnabreakmyrustycage Sun 19-Aug-18 00:51:06

Hi, I had my first gynaecology appointment last week after almost 2 years ttc. One year older than you. This is fucking awful. A friend just announced her pregnancy and it’s hard. I take comfort in the fact that I’m getting checked properly now, and I’m confident that after months of being ignored by my bloody GP, now they’ll sort it out! Fingers crossed for both of us.

Feel free to pm anytime.

BGDino Sun 19-Aug-18 13:01:10

Hi OP, I totally get how you feel. My best friend had a baby at the beginning of June and I still haven't seen them because I can't bear to, I feel jealous of pregnant women and mums and dads with babies in the street, no matter what I try to do to stop thinking about it it always sneaks back from the edge of my mind, honestly I feel like I'm going mad.

marry3456x Sun 19-Aug-18 13:59:15

Yesterday I found myself browsing baby clothes in Debenhams.
Il be in town and il be looking at baby's in pushchairs.
I just want to be a mum.
I really really hope we all get the chance.
You hear so many stories of awful women who don't treat the children nice,and I think I would treasure my child.
It's just not fair (I'm trying to get out of the booo me phase )

marry3456x Sun 19-Aug-18 14:00:39

Ive stupidly started watching mummy vlogs on YouTube ..all the breakfast routines/park days etc
I'm so jealous when my friend posts her pics on Facebook.

LillyLeaf Sun 19-Aug-18 14:28:06

I find it's best to stay off social media and don't look at baby stuff as there is enough today to today that reminds me of all this. I can't even travel to work without seeing several 'baby on board' badges and bumps.

Spottyyellowdress Sun 19-Aug-18 14:32:28

No advice but just solidarity here 💐 it’s shit. I’ve come off social media because I can’t deal with the picture, cancelled a night out with old work friends this weekend because I found out one was pregnant and I knew I couldn’t make it through. Just been referred to the fertility clinic too and I’m convinced there’s something horribly wrong with me and it’ll never happen.

marry3456x Sun 19-Aug-18 15:02:46

The only thing I've had so far was a ultrasound which was normal and showed I was just about to ovulate (which is good I guess but still clueless about my body )
I regret not having children early 20s now
Might have been Easier

marry3456x Sun 19-Aug-18 15:05:36

Please don't take offence or answer if too personal but how low have people been trying for?

SillySallySingsSongs Sun 19-Aug-18 15:09:28

Oh lovely. It's hard I know it is. It took us many years. The issue was with me, which we knew as I have DSC.

Good luck for Tuesday.

Spottyyellowdress Sun 19-Aug-18 15:12:59

@mary3456x I’ve had ultrasounds, day 21 bloods and swabs/internal exams to check for infections etc - all clear. I do have very very painful periods and I’m convinced that’s got something to do with it. Been ‘properly’ trying as in temping and opks for 14 months now and a year before that just not using contraception - so just over 2 years for us. I’m 30, DH 32.

ronswansonstache Sun 19-Aug-18 15:16:37

Hi OP, I've been trying for 30 cycles so just under 2.5 years. I have ups and downs, currently feeling quite low. I also have a gyno appointment on Tuesday! At a private clinic this time as the NHS don't offer much for infertility in my area - no IVF cycles offered at all.

Being on your period shouldn't be an issue, in fact if they need to take bloods then they'll usually need to take them during the first five days of your cycle so that'll work out well. You can have an ultrasound any day.

I don't think I can say anything that'll make you feel better, but know that you are not alone thanks

marry3456x Sun 19-Aug-18 15:21:21

For me it's been 6 months but I've always had weird symptoms (endo symptoms) feeling like I need to urinate and gassy.
My periods aren't really painful but I do get lower backache and thigh ache (which I've read is endo related )
I just have this feeling something is deffo not right with my body.
My cycles are all over i was due my period yesterday and I can feel it's going to start tomorrow (so 2 days late again this month)

Spottyyellowdress Sun 19-Aug-18 15:26:39

NHS suggests it takes on average 9 months for a healthy couple to conceive. Although 6 months might feel like a lifetime you can see from responses that it really isn’t very long at all. I might be being a bit sensitive but not sure the infertility board is the right place for this! Good luck and keep trying.

TinklyLittleLaugh Sun 19-Aug-18 15:27:44

I mean this quite gently but six months is not very long. I took 12 months to conceive DC1. And presumably nothing was wrong with me because DC2 was an accident and my next three pregnancies two more kids, one miscarriage) happened on the first cycle I tried.

Sending all good wishes to you though.

marry3456x Sun 19-Aug-18 15:35:22

6 months we have been "trying" as in ovulation kits etc but it's coming up to two years since I stopped taking the pill.
Although I wasn't checking with kits etc.

juneybean Sun 19-Aug-18 21:56:15

Hi op sorry to hear you're going through this. Good news you're being referred for help. Hopefully you'll get answers.

I've been trying for 18 months but same sex coupe so have other obstacles to overcome and also have low egg reserve. My work friend is trying and I know it's going to be hard when she gets pregnant I'm dreading it....

StormcloakNord Sun 19-Aug-18 22:03:41

This popped up on active chats.

Sorry if this is an insensitive and personal question, but when I read threads like this I sometimes wonder what stops people adopting? Again, I don't want this to come across as insensitive as I don't intend it that way, but if it's a child you want can you not adopt?

marry3456x Sun 19-Aug-18 22:09:52

For me personally
It's not "a" child I want it's my own child
Maybe that would change 2-3-5 years down the line.

LillyLeaf Sun 19-Aug-18 22:19:05

@StormcloakNord that is probably one of the worst things you can say to people going through infertility along with 'just relax and it will happen' and 'I conceived first try / we weren't even trying'.

juneybean Sun 19-Aug-18 22:20:03

Because they don't just hand out children - It's considerably harder to adopt (rightly so)

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