Having Healthy Happy Kids and Parents If Kids in Full-time Nursery - tips please!

[stripeybumpsmum]

Hi,

I don't want to start a debate about SAHM/working mums, I just need your practical tips please.

After maternity leave with DS I returned 3 full days a week when he was 8.5 mo (he is now 2.3). Had planned to return end of June on same terms when DD will be 32 weeks.

All change. DH is currently resigning from (lucrative) job to return to study for longer term better work/life balance (well just a life not involving 15 hour days and tossers really ). So I have to go back early - prob mid-end May - and full time.

Career wise this is a good move for me and do not resent it as I see it as long term gain.

BUT I am a mother and therefore contractually required to be guilty. Worried about effect on DC being in full time nursery - usual horror stories about agression. Until Sept, we will ramp up their time there (DH will stay at home). DD currently BF but we are just beginning weaning and plan to take it very gently - ideal would be to continue first and last BF and have bottles during day.

Happy with nursery, just want to maximise kids happiness and development in the time available.

So far I am thinking: weekend will be devoted to family stuff (not sure about house work/sleep - will do that one after I have cracked walking on water); GPs will still continue their visits and trips out with kids in my absence; ask friends we regularly have play dates with to still meet up occasionally at the weekend; brave the softplay DS loves at peak time

Questions:

How do you make your time with them each day special?
What do you do at weekends?
Anything else DH and I can do to help us and them?

[amidaiwish]

You have to make sure that your non work time is family time as much as feasibly possible -

make sure the housework is covered, otherwise this is what you will spend your evenings/weekends doing

Get organised - menu plan for the week and get shopping delivered. Don't waste time at the supermarket

Can dh pick up in the evenings, slightly early? I always found that they were less tired if i could get them by 4.30/5 and have a few hours wind down at home

[marina]

Agree with amidaiwish's tips.

Try and find the money for a cleaner and if you are clutter nutters at the moment, have a huge clear-out now. We have both WOTH f/t since the dcs were tiny, and housework has been on the back burner for some years apart from the essentials.
It took me five hours to muck out ds' room at the weekend, and I only had time to do this because it was the school hols. (He helped of course, he's 8 now).

Will your dh be committed to 40 hours per week contact time and study at college, or is there leeway for him to carve out one afternoon per week to keep free for playdates? It really does help to have that window, and if you have nothing scheduled that day, then he could take them swimming or for some other small treat.

Something I have always done is explain and talk about my work. The dcs have visited with either grandparents or dh, and I have always ensured that they understand that although my work is interesting and my colleagues nice etc, the reason we both WOTH f/t is to pay for our house and other living costs.

Weekends when they were tiny, we spent mostly at home, putting them first and doing stuff with them. Tbh the hardest part of WOTH f/t for me was the lack of time to do stuff at home that I liked doing! But I don't regret that for a second now they are older and happy to play/read independently.

If they are at nursery a lot I do think it is vital to keep the weekends simple and spent largely with you and dh.

With regard to b/f, I managed to do extended b/f morning and evening, fine. Ds would not touch expressed milk but liked Hipp Organic - dd had expressed milk to age one then straight on to cows' milk in the day time.

Good luck with your plans. If your nursery is a good one, you will be just fine, all of you

[marina]

Oh, and with regard to healthy...be prepared for lots of bugs and snuffles for their first year, alas
I made a big effort to prioritise a healthy diet with as many superfoods as I could smuggle into them (flax oil in smoothies, Echinaforce for children during the winter months, lots of fruit and veg...)

[evenhope]

I second Marina. My 12 mo DD has been at nursey 2 days pw for 12 weeks. 3 of those weeks we've been away on holiday but another 3 she's been too ill to go. She now has chickenpox, courtesy of nursery, so won't be going this week either I've now run out of leave until June...

[amidaiwish]

on a more positive note re illnesses & nursery, DD1 was off loads the first winter she went (i was off work more than i was there, or so it seemed for the first few months). however DD2 was far more resilient, and has only had a handful of days off. I think she had more sniffle type colds before going to nursery which built her immunity plus she got the dreaded chicken pox before starting too poor thing.

i agree with the other posts re spend weekends quietly altogether with just a couple of activities you can do together (swimming, go for walks etc.) rather than "go" to places like soft play where they run off.

DDs call the weekends "family days" and they are very protective of them. They also know the weekly routine "on mondays, daddy goes to work, mummy goes to work, dd1 and dd2 go to nursery and we have jo jingles"... on tuesday, daddy goes to work, mummy, dd1 and dd2 stay at home and go to little gym" etc etc...

[marina]

Oh yes amidaiwish - mine are a pair of little oxen constitutionally now (must be all that spinach )
but I do remember the first winter being hard, hard work with all the viruses.

[amidaiwish]

oh and the other thing i make a real effort to do is tell them all about my day in detail in the car on the way home

e.g. "today, i dropped my lovely children to nursery, they were nice and smiley and gave me a lovely kiss goodbye, then i drove to work and the traffic was TERRIBLE! Then i got to work and checked my e-mails and had some meetings with x,y,z. Z was a bit cross but it was all ok in the end. Then we had lunch and i had a ham sandwich, blah blah blah."

they seem to LOVE this - and whenever we get in the car they say, "mummy, tell us about YOUR day" and then they tell me about theirs. It's lovely.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Ds had two days off nursery for illness in his two years there.

So lots of illness isn't necessarily inevitable.

We didn't really do anything special at weekends, any more than we do now I am at home. One of us, if not both, had to be with ds of course. And really that was enough. We're not awfully houseproud, and I think that helped

[Anna8888]

If your very small children are at nursery, make sure your GP (a) knows this (b) is not averse to giving antibiotics. They are essential.

[amidaiwish]

DD1 never had antibiotics, DD2 just once. Not that i'm necessarily averse but i guess i don't bother with the doctor unless they are very very sick or not shifting something.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Only essential if they have an infection, surely?

[TigerFeet]

DD's GP has a son in dd's nursery class so is sympathetic to the whys and wherefores of nursery sickness policy

It is madness in these antibiotic resistant times but some nurseries won't allow children back until they have started a course for some illnesses eg chest infections

[TigerFeet]

I changed my hours slightly - I now finish an hour earlier but half an hour of that has been taken off my lunch break so I only lose half an hour's money a day. It's made a massive difference, especially because the traffic is so much better at 4.30 instead of 5.30 so if I leave bang on time dd and I are home at 5.00 instead of 6.15.

I also bulk cook bologneses, stews etc so that a few days a week I only have to reheat our evening meal.

[cmotdibbler]

Dh and I both work ft, and DS has been in Ft nursery since 4.5 months - now 22 months.
At weekends we have a policy that at least half the time is for him - so if we need to go shopping, the other part of the day we go to the park/swimming/zoo or whatever.

Food shopping is all done online, and delivered when DS is in bed. We have a cleaner which makes a huge difference, and means we only need to do a little bit at the weekends.

As your Dh will be at home studying for at least part of each day, make sure he gets the washing and dishwasher on (easy to do whilst he's making a coffee or whatever), so that you don't have to stress about it.

We do as much clothes/present/household shopping online as possible, and have just discovered that you can buy Amazon Premier for 42 quid a year, which gives you free next day delivery on everything, which is great for presents.

I'm still bfing DS, and really appreciate that special time.

Ds has several friends at nursery, so I don't feel any guilt that he doesn't do playdates or anything like that (we know no one in this area anyway). He adores nursery and does a huge range of things with them. Is also very,very confident and outgoing.

He eats plenty at nursery, so we don't have a hot meal together in the evening which reduces stress - just a few snacky bits. Dh and I have our main meal at lunchtime now if poss.

[potoftea]

Hope you don't mind a SAHM posting here, but I just wanted to say that from seeing family and friends deal with working full-time, the thing that the children seem to miss out on is just "hanging-out" at home.
I think doing this at weekends is important for them to just relax in their own home with just family. Some friends I see spend the weekends in the car catching up with friends and family, and the kids don't really chill out over the weekend.

[MrsBadger]

Tigerfeet's massaging of hours is good
EG if the dc are early risers, bite the bullet, get up at 6am, have breakfast all together and get them to nursery for 8. You can be at your desk before 8.30 (as the traffic is lighter that early) hence slope of at 4.30 and get them out of nursery before 5 and home before 5.30.

[doggiesayswoof]

Dd was 4 days at nursery from 6mo - 2yo, since then she's been f/t. She's 3.8 now.

I usually can't finish work any earlier than 5pm at the moment but I find even finishing at 4.30pm makes a difference to dd's tiredness and gives her that little bit longer at home in the evening. So I agree do anything you can to shorten the day.

dh is working p/t and studying, so one day a week he will make time to pick up dd at lunchtime.

GPs collect her at lunchtime maybe once a fortnight.

Weekends cannot be too busy or full of elaborate outings or lots of visiting - dd needs some time at home just to hang out (and actually play with some of her own toys!)

[cmotdibbler]

Although hanging out at home doesn't work for all of them - DS goes stir crazy if we don't go out of the house as he's used to a high level of things going on. If he had siblings to play with it might be different I suppose, but he does like to be out and about.

But agree that its important to not be running round in the car after friends and family

[newgirl]

i was wondering if a childminder or nanny is possible for you and your finances? I think nursery is very full on for full time and I am not sure they go outside enough. Is there any way your Dh can do a day with your child at least? or your child do shorted days so they can get out to the park at say 3?

i am a big supporter of good nurseries - my two have been though 3 days. They do get exhausted though and I think being at home more would have been ideal

[doggiesayswoof]

That's true cmot, my niece is the same.

[blueshoes]

Hi Stripey, it sounds like you are happy with your nursery. It is a great thing to find a nursery that your children love. I positively recommend it.

Little things I do - not saying you should. I co-sleep for extra cuddle time. I bf-ed them long after I went back to work - first and last bf you are planning sounds great. Both dh and I try to get as much done in the week housework-wise (eg cleaners, aupair, admin after they have gone to bed) so that weekends are free-ish. Agree with amidaiwish about meal planning and being organised.

I work from home one day a week to be able to do the drop-off/pick-up. Ds 18 months likes it, but dd 4.6 craves it. She loves to show off her mummy to her friends and teacher

Agree with potoftea that you don't have to pack activities on weekends. Just kicking around at home with dcs is also great.

I wouldn't worry about aggression. I see so many ft children at nursery. They might go through a phase, a lot of children do. But that is not to say they would not be aggressive even if they stayed at home. So long as the nursery is taking appropriate action which you are reinforcing at home, your dcs will come out of it.

Not sure about Anna's antibiotics advice. I am usually the one telling the GP not to administer antibiotics, unless it is clear that the infection is not going to clear up on its own. My dd's GP does not ration antibiotics to children in any case.

Dd now has a cast-iron immune system. I can't infect her with chicken pox however hard I try - courtesy of her early years in ft nursery. Stripey, they won't have problems with bugs once they start school.