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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

General health

I have had an accident with a custard cream

26 replies

MrsJKyle · 28/07/2009 23:59

It appears to be wedges up my vagina and my vagina has insuficient lubrication to dossolve it, and I can't reach it.

Should I dial 999?

I am worried a crumb might impregnate me and I will have a custardbaby

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kormachameleon · 29/07/2009 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJKyle · 29/07/2009 00:04

But what will I dunk in my tea now? I was going to eat it after A&E removed it.

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kormachameleon · 29/07/2009 00:05

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SoupDragon · 29/07/2009 00:05

Shove a sausage roll up there, then you can call the Swine Flu Hotline.

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GentlyDoesIt · 29/07/2009 00:07

When I had a Duchy original up mine, I went private, so I can't help you I'm afraid

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MrsJKyle · 29/07/2009 00:07

Should the sausage roll be a greggs one? Or does it have to contain REAL meat?

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DidEinsteinsMum · 29/07/2009 00:07

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SoupDragon · 29/07/2009 00:08

A real pork sword is what you need.

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hobbgoblin · 29/07/2009 00:08

You need to give it a poke with a matchstick - orange flavour, preferably.

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MrsJKyle · 29/07/2009 00:09

What if the matchstick gets wedged there too and then I have twins? Kustardie and Oranggiey

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hobbgoblin · 29/07/2009 00:10

I hope you are happily married or there could bu custardy issues and that would be distressing for you.

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MrsJKyle · 29/07/2009 00:12

Its ok. Husband has access to a lie detector machine, he can see it was a genuine mistake. (I slipped on a wet fish and landed on it naked)

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GentlyDoesIt · 29/07/2009 00:13

custardy issues

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hobbgoblin · 29/07/2009 00:18

To be honest, unless you are dual heriatge/mixed race yourself, sticking a mathctick up after a custard cream could mean you need that DNA test more than ever.

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anonandlikeit · 29/07/2009 00:23

Oh CRUMBS! Don't you know you should always lick the middle out before dunking

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cornsillk · 29/07/2009 00:25

Do you have an emergency fruitshoot?

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MrsJKyle · 29/07/2009 00:25

lick the middle out

That could be a possible solution.

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FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/07/2009 00:27

ROFL!!!

Well, it could have been worse. I read somewhere that a bottle causes a vaccum effect so you would have needed to go to A&E.

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FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/07/2009 00:27

Wouldn't it be soggy by now dear? (boak)

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anonandlikeit · 29/07/2009 00:28

Did you take it out of the packet?

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MrsWeasley · 29/07/2009 00:28

plunger??

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GentlyDoesIt · 29/07/2009 00:30

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MrsWeasley · 29/07/2009 00:31

the wet fish you slipped on was it dead or alive?

How or more importantly where is it now?

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anonandlikeit · 29/07/2009 00:34

have you tried pelvic floor exercises, it might crumble.

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quidnunc · 29/07/2009 08:18

If custard cream is still in situ, have you considered using chocolate fingers to prise the offending snack out? You can then enjoy stirring the remains of the CC with the CF into your morning char? Yumsk.