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Do you think my husband drinks too much?

(31 Posts)
SondraX Fri 04-Feb-05 13:02:44

Am I worrying about nothing?: dh and I used to drink lots before we had kids. We would polish off a bottle of wine and very occasionally two every night.

Then kids came along and I cut down, and practically stopped drinking. I can't cope with kids AND feel lousy.

However, I now think my husband drinks too much... last night he had a bottle of beer when he came in, we had a bottle of wine between us (I had half a glass and he had the rest of the bottle) and he then poured himself a whisky before bed.

He drinks every day without fail. I think he is a heavy drinker. He drinks between half and a full bottle of wine every day and has recently added shot or two of whisky to his evening tipples. I mentioned it once and he got very cross and said I was being silly. His continual guzzling now winds me up. At the weekends he pours himself a drink at lunchtime and drinks wine all the way through 'til bed time.

Am I being silly? Is it because I have stopped drinking like I used to? He seems to think that because he is rarely drunk then it is not a problem. I dare not mention it to him as he gets touchy. He has a very stressful job and uses it to wind down.

colditzmum Fri 04-Feb-05 13:03:57

IMO, He is drinking far too much.

tarantula Fri 04-Feb-05 13:06:35

Id say yes and thats coming from a girl who likes her booze too. Tho like you not near as much as BC.

NameChangingMancMidlander Fri 04-Feb-05 13:07:53

yes, i do

Roobie Fri 04-Feb-05 13:08:03

I wouldn't necessarily be worried if it was just wine in the evenings (I am currently pg and dh now 'must' polish off the whole bottle on his own) but the addition of spirits does seem to add another dimension... and also the fact that he is starting earlier at weekends. If alcohol is becoming a crutch and therefore an essential part of his wind-down then I would be worried, yes.

WigWamBam Fri 04-Feb-05 13:08:19

I think he's drinking too much, too. The fact that he rarely gets drunk rings alarm bells with me too - heavy drinkers very often don't feel drunk because they are so used to the effects of the alcohol.

Contact Al-Anon , who are there to help anyone effected by someone else's drinking. They may be able to help you.

Good luck.

Beetroot Fri 04-Feb-05 13:08:49

Message withdrawn

noddyholder Fri 04-Feb-05 13:09:37

yes that is too much and if he is getting annoyed if you mention it then it may be becoming a problem for him

Grommit Fri 04-Feb-05 13:12:41

SondraX - yes it does sound like too much. One or 2 drinks every night is OK but it sounds like he is having between 5-8 drinks per night (6 glasses of wine per bottle) and much more at the weekend. It is not good for his health. You could try suggesting you both get healthy and cut out alcohol and eat healthily for a few weeks - see how he takes it. If he is touchy when you approach the subject maybe deep down he realises he has a bit of a problem

Socci Fri 04-Feb-05 13:19:21

Message withdrawn

LipstickMum Fri 04-Feb-05 13:29:02

IMO, yes, that's too much. He also doesn't recognise it as a potential problem.

My dp never drank quite that much, but was the same in his attitude. He has a stressful job with a high workload and lots of emotional pressure too. Drinking in the evening would help him unwind. Dp realised this and has now decided the drinking up to half a bottle a night had to stop. Maybe some people would think half a bottle isn't much, but he knew it could have got worse very easily iykwim.

I would do as Wig suggests and contact Al-Anon, get some information for yourself as his wife for a start. Heavy drinkers from what I understand have to be able to see the problem and take steps to help themselves

Good luck.

milge Fri 04-Feb-05 13:32:31

it takes one to know one, so as a seaoned boozer myself, i would say it is too much. If he becomes defensive about it, then yet it is also a problem.

motherinferior Fri 04-Feb-05 13:35:09

He sounds like my ex; yep, too much booze.

mamadadawahwah Fri 04-Feb-05 15:18:45

Hi, yes your husband drinks too much. Ask him if he can go a day or two without drink and see what he says. You can be an alcoholic even if you only have one drink a day. But if you HAVE to have that drink without fail, you are an alcoholic.

I wouldnt worry about your not drinking, and that maybe you think you are being over anxious. when you dont drink, you really see around you, what other people are actually doing.

winnie Fri 04-Feb-05 15:22:46

Yes, I am afraid I too think your dh is drinking too much and the fact that he doesn't like it mentioned suggests that he has an inkling that he is drinking too much too.

blossom2 Fri 04-Feb-05 15:26:44

i thought my DH drank alot (4 small bottled beers & i glass of wine at on his most stressful nights). But DH would be the first to admit that he drinks alot.

I do think your DH is drinking too much, especially with whisky afterwards.

strawberry Fri 04-Feb-05 15:38:11

This is similar to my dh who was having a bottle of wine every night he was at home and 1 or 2 heavy nights out each week. I am pg so not drinking. Like others have said you can be a heavy drinker without being an alcoholic but I suspect that eventually many heavy drinkers will become alcoholics. Our GP said this level of drinking would result in illness and liver disease is often irreversible at the time of diagnosis. We have had several discussions about this at home and dh has cut back recently. One thing that helped my dh realise it was a problem was to add up the units of alcohol each week - quite a shock! My dh was also stressed about work but has a new job now which seems to have helped. Only time will tell if he can keep it up.

Swilt Fri 04-Feb-05 16:55:26

He does seem to be overdoing it. I don't want to get technical over this but he might be surprised to know that an average 12 pc alcohol bottle of wine is actually 9 units, and seeing safe units for man is 21 units (I think) thats pretty bad. I came across a way of figuring out how many units were in a bottle of wine, can of lager, whatever. Don't know if you're interested but you divide the volume of a drink by 1000, then mutiply that with percentage of alcohol. For instance a can of carling lager would be 440 (ml)divided by 1000, multiplied by 4.1 (percent of alcohol) = 1.8 units. 12 pc bottle of wine is 750 divided by 1000 multiplied by 12 = 9 units. Now isn't that a useless piece of information

beansprout Fri 04-Feb-05 17:00:50

The title of this thread tells us you do think he drinks too much as it is clearly bothering you. Alcoholism is not about how much someone drinks but why they drink. If the only way he can "wind down" is to get p*ssed, then he clearly has a problem (IMO). Also he must never be in a fit state after a certain time in the evening? Is he able to get up in the night if needed, or is that left to you?

Not being "drunk" (he thinks) only means his tolerance levels have gone up and up. This does NOT mean that the alcohol is not affecting him (and you and the kids). Agree that Al-Anon is a good idea for you, and doubly so if he refuses to see what he is doing.

I wish you all the best with this as it is not an easy one.

doggiewalker Fri 04-Feb-05 17:14:25

I think he probably does.

You say that "because he's not drunk", that's probably because he's constantly topping up, as per Beansprouts post.

Good luck on this one.

jollymum Fri 04-Feb-05 18:27:25

Surely you're only an alchoholic if you can't get through a day without a drink, drink far more than that and drink in the am, pm and evening? It's quite a lot, but I drink more than that, know I drink too much but don't have booze at lunchtimes at the weekend, and can last without a drink if I have to. The shots afterwards I would worry about if they keep on getting more and more, my DH occasionally does this and goes on a bit of a bender. It's stress related. lack of sex related and he can't remember what happened. That's when it's worrying, I think, and he's been told, in no uncertain terms, that if it happens again he's out. HTH

Yurtgirl Fri 04-Feb-05 19:33:09

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janeybops Fri 04-Feb-05 19:34:55


bids Fri 04-Feb-05 19:55:30

I agree with beansprout the why is important.
You can be psychologically dependent on alcohol and manage without it at times.
Denial of a problem is very common. It also can alter personality and frankly is very annoying to witness and difficult to tolerate. I think it sounds like you are very tolerant, but for your sake, his and your children's it may be better not to be!

bids Fri 04-Feb-05 21:12:22

I agree with beansprout the why is important.
You can be psychologically dependent on alcohol and manage without it at times.
Denial of a problem is very common. It also can alter personality and frankly is very annoying to witness and difficult to tolerate. I think it sounds like you are very tolerant, but for your sake, his and your children's it may be better not to be!

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