To manage my eating disorder without talking to a Dr?

[SneakyNuts]

Long story short;

I don't really want anyone to know and think I can control it (as much as it can be)
It embarrasses me and I'd prefer to be left to my own devices- can't talk to DP as he will go mad and march me to a counsellor

AIBU to not see a Dr? Surely there are others who function day to day without help?

[LadyEvilBeagle]

It's not something I've any experience of Op.
But I think there are many others on here that can give you help and advice.
So bumping for you.

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

It depends on the nature of your eating disorder.

There is nothing wrong with needing help you know.

[MacyGracy]

Without knowing more it is hard to commment. I've spent 24 years thinking I could stop if I tried really hard, it would always be tomorrow. I have finally sought help, can't say I'm cured, it's only been a couple of months. But there is some definate improvement.

Do you want to stop?

[MacyGracy]

BTW this is not the right forum for this...

[MrsTerryPratchett]

My experience is that these things have a tendency to get worse on their own not get better on their own. They grow best in the dark.

[RichTeas]

It's not your DP who will go mad but you. Go see a counsellor, they're there to help you help yourself. If you don't like counselling it's easy enough to stop going.

[Moominsummermadness]

It depends on whether you want to get better, or live with it. How long has it been going on? It's up to you as to whether you want to seek help, but eating disorders can be very dangerous. They are also very isolating. If you do decide that you want help, the sooner the better really. Have you thought of contacting Beat?

[geegee888]

It really depends on how bad it is. ie is it affecting your health and is there a mental/anxiety element present which might require separate treatment. In which case I would consult gp to see what they say. You could also try CBT. Though be wary of health professionals wanting to label you with eating disorders - they are very keen. I have long followed a pattern of eating sparsely during the week and normally at weekends. I am healthy, slim and active, while my father suffered heart disease due to obesity at my age. When I described my diet to medical professionals, I was labelled as having an eating disorder and advised I needed all sorts of treatment, despite not being bulimic or anorexic. Now I find out my pattern of eating is a diet prescribed to "cure" diabetes by medical professionals and currently one of the in vogue diets to follow...

[LeggyBlondeNE]

Agree, not the right forum, but since you asked...

Sure you can function day to day on your own. For a while. Maybe for years until the physical consequences catch up with you. And all EDs have physiological impacts one way or another. Or maybe for a few months before the secrecy allows you to indulge your behaviours more and more without anyone stepping in.

A good GP would refer you straight to your local mental health services and I can tell you that for me, that referal was one of the best things that ever happened to me - and I had been quite 'functional' for about 3 years before seeing my specialist therapist. But looking back now, it wasn't real life, you know? It wasn't anything more than basically functioning. Life is so much better now.

If you don't want to talk about it I do understand. It can be a paralysing thing. But the disease feeds on secrecy.

[SneakyNuts]

Sorry Macy I didn't realise, just needed some reasonably quick responses as it's been on my mind a while now.

I feel like I can live with it I suppose.
It's been going on for 3 years now, it started before I fell pregnant. I just don't really need the pressure of "just eat something".

[MrsTerryPratchett]

People can live, unhappily, with all sorts of things. If you could wave a magic wand, would you get rid of this? If you would, isn't CBT or something worth a shot?

[Dotty342kids]

Have you looked at any online support? That way you can access a good support network that's not in your "real" life, when you want it and how you want it. B-eat are excellent at providing online support both from their staff and the other community members and I'd definitely recommend them www.b-eat

[Moominsummermadness]

I just wanted to add- it is possible to 'function day to day', but it isn't really living. I'm lucky in that I've recovered from eating disorders, but my mum has been 'living' with anorexia for years. She has osteoporosis, no teeth left, cracked skin that won't heal, insomnia and just looks horrific. She is incredibly controlling of everyone around her, her illness affects the whole family. She won't get any help, and just accepts that her eating disorder will probably kill her eventually.

No eating disorder specialist would tell you to 'just eat'. If it was as a simple ad that, you wouldn't have developed an ED in the first place. Counselling would help you to resolve the underlying issues which have led to the ED in the first place, and hopefully help you to find a way forward.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

OP ,I would talk to a Dr,your records are confidential and you may find it helpful. It's not unreasonable to want to keep it private but you should keep in mind it's never as well hidden as you think it is. Discussed mine with my mum once and said something along the lines of "and none of you knew",she looked at me like I'd grown a second head. They all knew,just hasn't known what to do about it.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best in recovering. Wanting to get better (as you seem to) is such a positive start. X

[hiviolet]

I think you're deluded if you think you can fix this in your own. Sounds more like you aren't ready to admit you have a problem?

Lets be honest, if you we're capable of getting better by yourself you would have done it a long time ago.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

hiviolet

That's not strictly true,even in treatment a lot of people with eating disorders don't get better,because they don't want to or more accurately cannot see it for the illness it is.

If OP is able to recognise it then she is already in a better place than those who don't.

But certainly seeking help from a Dr may be very helpful in keeping you on the path to recovery OP.

[SneakyNuts]

Thanks for the recommendations etc.
I want to seek help, I'm just paranoid I suppose.

hiviolet, thanks, that's really kind. I'm scared ok.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Sneaky it's totally understandable that you're scared. I think seeking some help from a dr would be really good for you. But whether you do or don't,just remember it's a day by day thing,set daily goals not long term ones and don't be too hard on yourself if you have a bad day/week. You can do it!x

[SneakyNuts]

Thank you Alis X

[Alisvolatpropiis]

No problem. Wish you all the best.

Might I suggest you ask MNHQ to move this post? You may well get some unpleasant comments with it being in AIBU. It's the nature of board a lot of the time and isn't what you need. X

[FunBagFreddie]

Ime a lot of GP's won't do anything useful anyway unless your health is in obvious serious danger. That could just depend on where you live though.

[lljkk]

I wouldn't expect a lot from GPs, it's not what they specialise in.

If you have to ask then I don't think you can do this by yourself (sorry).

Eating disorders are about control, and by not being open about this problem you are in effect perpetuating an aspect of control-freakery. By its very nature, usually the only way you can defeat an eating disorder is to get it out in the open for all to see, stop pretending that "everything's fine."

Of course you want your privacy, who doesn't? So which is more important, losing the ED behaviour or keeping your perfect illusion of control privacy?

You could give yourself a time period, say 6 weeks, to see if you can really control it. And if you can't then take the first obvious steps (like telling your partner & seeing a GP for referral).

Sadly I know what I'm talking about!
I hope you can find a smooth way forward.

[hiviolet]

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. I've had friends with eating disorders and they never truly go away. During difficult times they slip back into bad habits like a comfort blanket. I think you're being naive to think you can do this without help, that's all.

[manicinsomniac]

I can understand why you don't want to get help. Being an adult with an eating disorder is hard because it's so embarrassing .

I have had anorexia for 13 years. As a teenager I did inpatient treatment and counselling etc but now I just feel that it's pointless. I function and eat enough to survive so I prefer to just get on with it.

However, I'm not sure that's the right or the responsible attitude, especially with kids around. My grandma has lived with anorexia for 55 years, my mum has lived with COE for 35 years and I've lived with anorexia for 13 years. Perhaps unsurprisingly my 9 year old daughter is already showing signs of an eating disorder. Maybe if one of the generations of our family actually dealt with our issues the pattern would stop.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

SneakyNuts you don't control it, you cope with it at best.

I view it as an obnoxious ex-boyfriend that I don't want to go back with but in weaker moments think "Well give it another go"

Like a protective mechansim. But it doesn't protect you, it harms you.

Hope that makes sense.