Could I have PND?

[DawnAS]

Hi there,

My BF asked me yesterday if I'd thought that I might have PND. It had never crossed my mind when having read various sites detailing the symptoms and looking back over the last year, I wonder whether I could have it. My sister was diagnosed when my DNiece was a year old and has now been on AD for 4 years and is no better - however, I put that down to a very bad GP as surely they must have found something to help her by now - they just keep increasing the dosage...

Anyway, so this is my situation.

I had to go back to work fulltime when my baby was just 4 months old. I had loved being at home with her and things changed when I went back to work.

I hated my job and needed to find a new one (in the same company) because of cut-backs, so I did. I went for a completely different job, something that I thought I would really enjoy.

Since then, I have just spiralled downwards. I am miserable all the time. I have accused my DH of having affairs, I can't concentrate at work and am falling behind. As I work from home on my own (the rest of my team are based in an office 150 miles away), I've managed to cover all my mistakes so far, but I'm really worried that I will make a massive error soon and will lose my job. But I still don't just get on with it!

I have loads of friends, but will only see them if they come to see me. I don't want to go out - although when I do make the effort, I generally have a good time. Very often I cancel at the last minute because I'd rather just be by myself.

I am tired ALL the time, even though my DD has slept for 12 hours a night since she was 5 weeks old.

When I look back, there was a trigger that perhaps I should have taken notice of. My DD was ill when she was tiny and it caused problems with her feeding. At 14 weeks we went to see the HV for a regular weigh-in and my DD had dropped a couple of centiles. I broke down in tears and was convinced that someone would accuse me of not feeding her, so I didn't take her back to be weighed again. I worry about her constantly even though I have arranged excellent childcare. She's a very happy rounded child, independent and confident (even just for a one year old!).

So, in addition to all this, I have no energy, hate my work and have no motivation to do anything. I am a stone heavier than I was pre-baby and as much as I hate it, I really struggle to lose any weight, I just don't have any motivation to lose weight at all.

The only time I feel happy is when I'm with my baby girl. We have no choice but for me to work full-time as I'm the main earner and so I worry about that aswell.

My BF said that she's never known me to be so quiet and withdrawn and when she suggested PND, I wondered.

With someone that has some experience tell me if this could be the case. I'd almost be relieved I think as I'm worried that I have changed forever and may never be really happy again.

[littlebabynothing]

Hi DawnAS

Whether you have PND or not, you certainly sound like you need some support.

I had PND after the birth of my DD - i also had to go back to work when she was 4 months and it was far too soon for me.

Do you get anytime to yourself to chill, exercise, whatever?

It won't hurt to see your GP to chat about your feelings and it might help you to do the Edinburgh PND Scale - I'll try to find a link

[littlebabynothing]

www.testandcalc.com/etc/tests/edin.asp

[DawnAS]

Hi Littlebabynothing,

Thank you for your reply. I did the test and my score was 18, which apparently can mean some form of depression, I will arrange to see my GP on Monday.

My day starts at about 6am when I get up with my DD to get her dressed and fed ready for the CM or my SIL who also looks after my DD a couple of days a week.

I start work at 7am. I do 10 hour days from Monday-Thursday so that I can have a Friday off - I'm really lucky to have that and I'm definitely most happy on a Thursday night when I know that I can spend the next three days with my baby girl!

I only get 30 mins for lunch which means starting to prepare the dinner and taking the dogs for a walk.

At 5pm I pick up my baby, then finish the dinner. My DH gets home at around 6pm and by then DD and I have had dinner, I've done the washing up and we're starting the bedtime routine. My DD goes to bed at 7pm and then I prepare all her food for the next day.

I usually sit down at about 8pm and feel ready for bed about an hour later. I'm generally tired all the time but certainly can't stay up any later than 9.30pm.

Apologies for waffling, the very long answer to your very simple question () is no - but I'm sure I could make the time. It's almost like I can't be bothered, I just feel too tired really.

I make it sound like DH doesn't do a lot, but he really does. He's brilliant, I'm really lucky and I know he hates that I have to work so many hours and have to work so hard, but financially, we have no choice.

Thank you again for coming back to me, hopefully the doctor will help on Monday.

xx

[littlebabynothing]

That sounds like a busy life!

A score of 18 on the Scale is worth seeing your GP about, but don't worry too much about the numbers.

Having a DC is a huge adjustment to your life and if you have had to go back to a very hectic schedule within 4 months of the birth you are bound to feel a bit under pressure etc. Tiredness also plays a massive part in mood, so this probably isn't helping.

Good luck at the GPs

[littlebabynothing]

Hi DawnAS

Did you manage to get to the GPs?

[DawnAS]

I did and he thinks that I do have PND. He gave me another questionnaire to complete and drop back to him. My result came out as 'Moderately Severe' for depression, although I haven't actually got around to dropping it back to him yet.

I told him that I didn't really want to go down the AD route at this stage and he suggested that they offer me counselling and some support from a HV. He said that they would help me look at my life and make some small changes to make things easier.

Not sure how though when I have to work 10 hour days (over 4 days) with just 30 mins for lunch and the rest of the time I'm getting DD ready for CM and after work, preparing her tea, bedtime routine etc and then getting everything ready for the morning before I climb the mountain to bed... Not sure how any of that can change, but maybe that's because I can't see the wood for the trees right now.

Thanks for your help littlebabynothing.

xx

[littlebabynothing]

Glad to hear your GP was supportive and not trying to push you towards ADs that you don't want.

There are lots of women on here who have experienced PND and come through (including me!) so I'm sure you will get lots of advice if wanted. The Mental Health Board is worth a look

I obviously don't know your circumstances but is there any way your DH can take on more of the load re getting DD to CM and bed etc?

Could you afford a couple of hours of a cleaner each fortnight, or cut down on your hours at all? (I know finances are a problem but it's worth exploring until you start to feel better)

[littlebabynothing]

Gah! Just realised this is in the mental health section