How to make DH understand

[BikiniBottom]

Does anyone know a way to really explain what it is like living with clinical depression and anxiety to their dp. Mine goes through the motions but I know he just doesn't get it and it causes rows or makes rows far worse as his expectations of me are too high.

How can you get someone who does not suffer from this to walk in your shoes for a few minutes to gain some much needed insight. I am working hard to overcome all this but I feel it is a war I am in by myself fighting each battle daily in my own lonely sphere. Does that make sense? If he understood what I battle through on a daily basis maybe he would be more tolerant, kinder, offer encouragement and even some praise (heaven forbid). Is it wrong to expect some credit for making it through each day doing what needs to be done and not just taking myself to a dark corner and hiding for the day as much as I want to some days.

[mophead5]

sounds like youre in this on your own.
my hubby the same with my pnd...calls my anti-depressants my happy pills.
he thinks anyone with a mental illness is just weak and they should pull themselves together, blah,blah,blah.
unfortunately you will find that most men are like this simply because they just do not understand

[lilmissmummy]

my dh came to an appointment with my doctor with me. The doctor explained the chemical and physical causes and results of my anxiety and depression.

It helped me a great deal and he now can tell sometimes before me when I am about to go downhill. It is much easier when someone understands, gives you a hug without you knowing you need one, gives you a smile when you manage to pull yourself out of bed!

You need to make him understand, this is not emotional weakness... it is a physical illness you just cant see it.

I hope that you can find a way to make him understand. Keep fighting through it, you will make it, it can get better.

[willsurvivethis]

Here it was the other way around - dh was clinically depressed for years on and off and I was sympathetic and understanding from my point of view but I never really understood. I often said I wanted to be depressed for 5 minutes so I knew what it was like but dh said you really don't want to.

Two things really helped me: one is getting PTSD myself with very dark moments and occasional desires to not be here anymore - so I really understand it a lot more and I can support dh better (as long as I'm not too bad myself, such deep joy).

The second was very recently actually a depression support thread on here, where quite a few posters listed their achievements of the day as getting out of bed, feeding kids, having a shower. And here was my dh still working full time as a minister, any wonder he doesn't always have a lot to give. It made me cry real hard.

[BikiniBottom]

Thanks for your lovely replies. My dh has his moments of support but I think he has fatigue of it all and has just never really got it but been nice iyswim. I was wondering if there was anything he could read to understand more. Willsurvive this do you remember the title of the thread.

I always have terrible days after a row with dh as I feel my most alone. I wish with all my heart we could be as we used to be. Life is so bleak when I feel so terrible aboutour relationship. It makes it all so much worse

[willsurvivethis]

Found it...

Fighting Our Way Back Up

[GetDownYouWillFall]

Something that kind of helped my DH was when I described it as a bit like having a really bad flu. You feel drained, shaky and terrible. Even the slightest thing is a massive effort. You do not even have the energy to talk much sometimes.

I think that helped him understand a bit. Relating it to something they have experienced.

Only the thing with depression is that it's so ongoing and the terrifying thing is that you don't know if you will ever recover.

The feeling of hopelessness is also a symptom of the illness though, and your thoughts are distorted so that things can seem hopeless even if they actually aren't.

Are you getting treatment?

[FionaSH]

I don't know how to explain it to your DH, I'm having the same problem.

However I may be able to shed some light from his point of view - my mum was PND and then just plain depressed for the whole of my childhood and I was just so angry with her. Why wasn't I enough to make her happy? Why did she have to resort to pills? I felt she was weak, and I was so awful to her about it. I feel awfully guilty now and am well aware of the irony that now its me in her shoes. I just don't think that until you've been there, you can really understand depression.

Like I said, am having the same problem currently trying to make my DH understand what is going on inside me.

Good luck to you.