Late onset Postnatal yet again.........

[silverlinings]

Hi,

I don't quite know where to start. I am a 40 year old who has suffered from depression much of her life.

Have postnatal depression again. First time was when my 4 year old DS was 18 months old. This time when my DD hit 13 months. In both cases it has been late onset. Our financial difficulties are compounding the situation.

Am struggling to get free counseling because it is late onset. Do not want to take anti-depressants, especially not if I haven't had the opportunity to vent!! Can't afford to pay currently.

Its pretty bad really, and seems to be getting worse every day. I was diagnosed 2 months ago. Was treated for vit D deficiency but has not improved the situation. Today I scored 25 on the Edinburgh questionnaire.

Can't be bothered to go back to GP. Feel like the whole process is hopeless. GP has offered me counseling with him. BUT, I don't want to speak with a v young male GP, unqualified in this area with little commonality with my situation. Is this unfair??

I've received counseling for depression in the past and I know the difference that good and poor help can make.

However, I do feel that I'm fighting a losing battle. Its true that depression goes away but its also true that it never seems to go away permanently. I can't fix me no matter how much i try!!!!!! Twenty years of trying!!! Its agonising!!!!!!! Is this PND or just the same old boring depression that turns me into someone I hate and don't recognise. I am horrible to the kids, verbally. DH is a great help but just wants to fix me.

Sorry for the rant but its really bad at the moment. Does anyone else have it this bad and seemingly never ending!!!! So tired, just want to hide away forever....

[weegiemum]

My depression seems never ending.

I was depressed before I had kids.

I was hospitalised after dd1 was born as I was so ill.

I had PND with ds and dd2, but managed to remain at home.

Dd2 (youngest child) is now 6y6m and I am still depressed (on very large dose of venlafaxine).

I see a clinical psychologist for CBT/Therapy fortnightly.

I wonder if you need to ask for something a bit more "clinical" than counselling - clinical psychotherapy/CPN/CBT - something that is a bit more target based.

My dh wants to "fix" me too and he is a GP and knows it won't work - that's blokes for you!!

A GP is not qualified (unless has a qUlification/experience in the area - my dh is - he is a GP With Special Interest in Mental Health) to provide ongoing help. You need to ask for something outwith this.

Scoring 25 on the Edinburgh means you do need help! You need to eithe rbe firm with GP or take along someone who will be firm, to get what you need (I've been along to the doc with 3 friends with PND to ask for help, as I could ask for things they were unable to vocalise!!).

Hope you can sort this out!

[weegiemum]

CAT me if you want to chat more. I'm happy to share more off board!

[silverlinings]

Thankyou for your advice.

It makes sense that CBT may be more helpful given my circumstance. Psychodynamic therapy always seems to throw up more and more unresolved questions. I feel the more therapy I have the angrier I have become.

If you are for some reason unable to release this anger, depression just gets worse. Not helpful with 2 small kids. I've come to the conclusion that you can't always work out the cause and if you do it doesn't automatically solve all your problems.

Years of therapy (like you) and I feel like I've barely moved. Its good to know that others are in a similar situation altho I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I feel a little calmer this pm. Last night and this am v hard. It varies. My Ed score varies by time of the month. I don't know about you but I am v hormonal.

Would love to CAT but need to set it up. Will do that when no-one is =breathing down my neck (incl DH). Takes so much longer to tackle anything vaguely new these days!!!!