in a state

[seriousabouthis]

God I really hoped I'd never be back on a thread like this - have namechanged but brief history - have had a history of mental health problems, like, forever, last serious breakdown being about two years ago - I lost my job, my mind, almost my family.. I picked myself up and have since got a fabulous job, things have improved and I thought everything was going well. Last week I got a final written warning from work (gross misconduct, won't go into it, but I felt it was very unfair as did everyone else, but no chance of it being recinded, so that's that) Basically, it has knoocked me for six and I am really feeling like I am at rock bottom again. my latest mad plan is to just get a flight somewhere - after sending a vicious e mail to my boss copying in, with details all the shit stuff that she has said about them, everyone important that I have kept quiet about, finding a special spot at the place I'm going to and committing suicide. I am so calmly plannin g this it is scary. I have three beautiful kids, who I feel I have let down so badly in the past and I can't keep letting them down. There just seems no way out.

[Lulumaam]

there is always hope. you have fought back before, you can do it again

call the Samaritans, or present at A&E if you are serioulsy considering harming yourself or ending things

you have 3 children, the biggest let down for them is not a mum who is unwell, but one who leaves them for good via suicide.

you have to think of them, keep thinking of them

get some immediate help

is your GP sympathetic/ helpful

[Elgoogreven]

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

[Lulumaam]

the samaritans

08457 90 90 90

www.samaritans.org/

[hails27]

Hello seriousabout this,

Im very sorry to hear how you are feeling. I cant offer a lot of good advice, im not exactly mentally stable myself, but you picked yourself up before, is there no chance you could do it again? Again sorry I cant be more helpful but dont want to read this and not say anything as you are quite clearly distresed.

Hopefully someone will be along soon to offer beter words than I can.

Hayley xxx

[Pancakeflipper]

Glad you see it as a mad plan... And we have to try to keep it that way.

Stuffing up at work does not make you a failure. People often fail at work due to pants management / lack of support. Your kids will not see it as failure. Concentrate on the kids - they and you are what matters. Not your stinky boss.

What's your support like? Got a partner? Got any mental health support from previous times? Good Dr?
Tomorrow you need to tap into that support. It's there and it's for you to help when you need it.

Try to focus on relaxing this eveing, early night and tomorrow get into action to get your help.

Let us know how you go along won't you?

[scurryfunge]

Please seriousaboutthis, call the Samaritans or the crisis team....are you still in contact with a CPN?

[seriousabouthis]

I do have a husband and it's him as well I feel I'm letting down. If I lose my job (again) we are stuffed, financially and in every other way. I feel so guilty, I can't see that we could get through it again. It's brought me so far down again. I daren't go back to the doctors, as I thought I was ok, I feel such a failure. My boss, after given my this fucking warning asked me if I was able to deal with the pressure of the job - she knows what I wnet through in my past job and still gave this ridiculous warning Jesus. Shit.

[scurryfunge]

You need to go back to the doctors. They will be able to help you with the way you are feeling at the moment.

[Lulumaam]

is the job thing retrievable? is their an HR person or union or someone you can talk to , if it is a spurious final warning.. is it constructive dismissal?

i understand about not wanting to go bck to the docs.. it took me months to make an appt to discuss my 'blip' .. but totally worth it. although i have a new issue to add to my current ones but hey, if i'm unwell and i need some assistance, just because it's not a physical illness, why does that matter or make me, or you a failure?

sometimes the biggest sign of strenght is knowing when you are weak enough to need help

[seriousabouthis]

The job should be ok but it's just that worry about it going wrong again. I'm the main earner (by lots and lots) and we have a huge mortgage and stuff. I would never get a job again if i lost this so what do i do? I'm in such a precarious position..

[scurryfunge]

You would get a job again though it may be a different job and you may have to make changes.....is that such a bad thing though if the trade off is peace of mind?

You can start making decisions about what to do re jobs, etc when you are the right frame of mind.

Don't make decisions if things are too difficult at the moment.

See your doctor and get yourself in a postional where you can make rational choices.

[scurryfunge]

position*

[Lulumaam]

you need the help to be well enough to do your job well and to feel confident and happy and secure

[scurryfunge]

seriousaboutthis, how are you feeling? Are you ok?

[seriousabouthis]

Hi,well back to work today so I'll just see how that goes. I really don't know how I feel tbh.

[hails27]

Hi seriousaboutthis,

How are you tody nd how did work go? Im back at work tommorrow after being off for 2 weeks and Im absolutely dreading it. My manager has been really nasty to me recently. So Im dreading how she will react with me back after 2 weeks on the sick.

Anyway hope your ok today or feeling a bit better about things at least.