The way he makes me feel...

[MrsBigD]

Don't really know where to start but I think dh is falling into a depression but in typical male fashion not admitting to it. I've implored him to go see the GP to get some advice or even just some drugs (like the ones I'm on - and yes I know they're not a solution but they help in the interim).

But no... he won't even consider going to the GP.

Though his mood swings are worse than mine during pmt and at least mine are only once a month.

dd is at a stage where she;s scared of him as he wanders round the flat with a dark scowl and just barks at the kids.

Give him his due, he gets up at night for ds who's a terrible sleeper at the moment so he's tired. But so am I. He works all week, but so do I etc.

I just feel so hopeless. I had my first councelling session yesterday and when the counceller asked me how I feel about my husband and whether the feeling of love is still there, I couldn't answer and burst out into tears instead.

I'm off to Germany for 2 nights tonight and am worried how he's going to cope. During the day at least I've got my fantastic nanny as a loving influence...

I feel like writing him a long letter about how I feel, but guess sending it to him today when I'm about to be away for a couple of days won't be the best idea...

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, just rambling on I guess, but thank you if you read this far.

I'll be at work today and not able to check this board all too often, but I would be greatful for any good thoughts, encouragements or just 'I know how you feel'.

Thank you

[mandyc66]

writing a letter is a fantastic idea.
I always write dtuff down. Its easier than talking and no one interupts. You can cry but it doesnt stop you from writing. Tell him everything. How you feel how you think the children see him. Get it all down. Then leave it for him to read. He might not realise just how bad things are. Life does get inthe way of a marriage and we all need to remember why we married each other and try and drag it back from behind the nappies and sleepless nights etc.
Good luck!!!

[unicorn]

Mrsbd.. really sorry to hear about dh... is he under extra prssure at work at all?
It does sound like classic male depression - and I understand about him not wanting to talk to the GP (Men Hate that don't they?!)

Perhaps you could direct him to this site.. it may be of interest.
here

Another thought - men often 'go under' when women have PND, or are having a stressful time themselves.. maybe it is related in someway to that?
Perhaps an anonymous online support group (bit like MN!!) may be good for him?

Hope you have a good couple of days away...
CAT me if you want to talk/meet up.

[MrsBigD]

Unicorn I might take you up on that ... looking forward to my flight out tonight that should help me calm down a bit. meeting my best friend and going to talk talk talk.

Yes he has stress at work, but he seems fine with that. He only ever seems to go off the rails after having looked after the kids on Saturdays and having to spend the day with us Sunday...

[MrsBigD]

I just got this back from dh...

I've given up on it... really... don't bother trying to change it for me... just not worth it at all! I am my father... I recognise it... now just to accept and adopt it properly... thats all...

So what am I supposed to do? give up on him as much as he has given up on himself? Well that's good ground for a sound marriage... NOT

[unicorn]

What does he mean mrsbd... change what for him?

Is he ok about you going away?

[MrsBigD]

change anything really... I'm trying to make suggestions to get him out of the house. Tell him I don't mind if he goes out with his mates etc. though he says maintaining his friendships is too much hard work...

he seems o.k. about me going away. As it's during the week it's no major issue anyhow as he only has them in the evening.