2 small children and needing support

[nellanella]

I have 2 children under 2 and for various reasons I don't have a lot of loving support - like lots of other parents. I don't have any contact with my family and havent for nearly 10 yrs (long story). My husband and I have moved around a fair bit and will be moving again with his work this summer. We have been here for about 18 months and I have lots of acquaintances but no proper friends - people you feel you can talk to. I have quite a few what I would call "facebook" friends - people from over the yrs who I keep in email contact with and very occasionally see some of them.

I have found the last 2 yrs of parenting hard and even more so now having 2 (youngest is 8 mo). Apart from 2 close friends who I can talk to (neither of whom have children) I feel that there are few people who care for me. I am trying to do my best to care for my 2 children as best I can and part of doing that well I think is ideally having people who help support you as the main carer of your children. MIL and 2 SIL's never ask me how I am - they have all been there - MIL even said she thought she would have a nervous breakdown when her 3 were small but that was said in passing and it's just "get on with it, no one is interested in how you are feeling". MIL and FIL are now only interested in seeing the children and their son and I feel forgotten. Husband does his best and acknowledges it is hard being at home.

I am sure I whinge too much but it is a way of trying to say - how about me? I have been suffering from mild depression and I am working on that. I guess I would like to hear how mothers who feel isolated manage?

[wanttostartafresh]

Hello. I'm so sorry you feel the way you do. I understand as I feel that way myself quite often. I have no contact with my parents or sisters (like you a long story) and PIL live far away and are only really interested in the DC's, not me.

LIke you i have aquaintances but no close friends who have DC's. I have a few close friends who don't have DC's.

I think I have learnt to live with being lonely. I don't feel lonely all the time, but I certainly do feel it often. I just kind of let the feeling just be there and after a while it fades away.

It's very hard as you get older to find friends to whom you can feel really close and connected. I can see that for many mothers who already have a good relationship with their mothers, having DC's brings them even closer and they are friens as well as mother/daughter. But if you don't have that sort of relationship with your mother it is very hard to fill the gap with friends.

I'm sorry i'm not being very constructive with advice, but i just want you to know you're not alone. I am going to take up some hobbies and join some classes etc in the hope of making some more friends but i realise there is no guarantee i will meet somebody who i will feel a connection with, but it's worth a try. I think you have to just keep plugging away along the same lines of having to kiss 100 frogs in order to meet your prince!