Is this mental health issue - it's making me unwell

[giveitago]

I've been lurking for a while on relationships -identify which quite a bit of posters particularly those who have cultural issues to thepoint where I've thought our stories are so similar dh must come from same country.

But actually I think it's more than that.
Background - dh comes from a culture where women should be 'women' and more than that from a small community where peiople are very poor and just put up shut up. mil was a young teen when she had dh and never finished educatoin - fil was verbally and physically abusive to mil and to dh - mil has said she ddn't care and that she loved fil (now passed away) and that dh should just deal with what happened to him. She loves dh but has done zero for him but given younger sibling a university education (fil refused one for dh). DH relationshiop with fil informed by mils wishes only and even dh aware that he's completely manipulated but cannot deal with it and so goes along with it. This has affected our relationship and time as mil needs our time, and needs to be collected from her country to be taken over here - and that affects our expendible income as well.

We now have a LO and this has made things worse - he's abusive - in part because of mil who wanted LO taken to her country by dh without me when just going into toddlerhood and I had found a job to ease the family finances. All arranged by mil - I blocked it obviously as it was a done deal without me and exclduinmg me and LO was so wee. The upshot is marriage is over as DH and mil hates me for this.

Fast forward a few years - constnant abuse (we're talking the f word) with me. I cannot do anythying right - if I work I'm neglectful, if I don't I'm lazy and do nothing all day - the truth is I run around dh allt hetime his dirty and lazy - takes no interest in LO apart from hugs to make himeself feel better.

DH uneducated (thanks to pils) and blames me, works in a job where undervaludated (blames me), lo doesn't speak his language (as dh doesn't speak to him in it -only to me and it's not my language) blames me, sleeps when not working - blames me - takes no interest in LO welfare or education - blames me - and I'M TALKING DAILY.

Relationship all but over - I'm not a good mum - I'm a crap wife, drty (I'm even clearing up his snot and phlegm where he doesn't cover nose and throat when doing and it's over the walls).

Has not taken LO out for something child friendly this year - angry with LO that he doesn't speak his £10k opn this to no good gain to the point the consultant called me with her concerns), only gives attention where he encourages LO to be horrible to me. I'm smoothing this over.The result of not looking after himself will be about £20k minimum for cosmetic surgery to allow him to eat - he wants to do this on credit card.

I feel ill myself. I can cope but it's making me ill. I'm worries

Does this sound like depressoin - don't know what more I can do - he threatened me with violence yesterday. I'm so veyr tired keeping things calm.

If depression - what the hell can I do. My parents are so worried about all of us. His mum doesn't care - in fact she's just inherited money and given it to the sibling (still not finished expensive degree at the age of 37) and wants ds to take out money on credit card for his health issues. But mil just backs him up everything to appease him. I know about the money given to his sibling - dh doesn't and I cannot tell him as he'd be more upset.

[giveitago]

Oh and sorry for spelling - I've tried doing this without dh seeing as he's opening mail and monitoring my internet usage.

[madmouse]

I am not sure about depression but it sure sounds like domestic violence. You do not need to put up with it and it is not your fault.

Have you thought about getting out? Do you want to get out? It is possible - there are ways. I can point you in the right direction IF you want me to.

[shockers]

I'm not sure I understand the part about the cosmetic surgery but you understandably sound like you are struggling to cope.
It may be that you are suffering reactive depression. You are going through daily trauma and you would be super human if it did not affect you.
Can you talk to your GP or health visitor about things?

[giveitago]

OK the cosmetic thing is teeth - he has major gum disease - spent a fortune on treating it but it needs his input and he won't input - has actually admitted that he doesn't as it's a way of hurting himself - last of his teeth about to drop out from this (also affected other aspects of health) and will need implants - lots of them.

I'm not depressed - I'm fully alert I'm very tired and with low morale (not depression) - but is he?????? Do I throw an absolute FIT or do I hadn't gently? I've suggested he needs help but apparently men from his country are 'real men' (I'm not a woman as he says) and they don't need professional help - everyone else does as it's their issue.

What an earth.

[giveitago]

Still can't spell - doint this when little one and he are not around - gives me the odd moment here and there!

[giveitago]

Oh and another thing - if not feeling that great his knee does that tremor thing - know lots of people who do this but this is not looking in the face and his knee jerking very very noticibly.

[shockers]

I'm sorry... I've just re-read your post. You are thinking HE has depression. I wouldn't be surprised... he sounds really run down. Not sure what to suggest... sorry I can't be more helpful. Hope you get some good advice.

[giveitago]

Oh yeah shockers - Ok I do think that dh has iddues - I've put up with threats etc, Ive done my johb and parenting. I think he's unwell.

Possibly he does I'm doing my best which is good. - I cannot compensate for him - we are extending our lease on our flat - he doesn't understand - he's angry with me - he chose this flat - I bought it - i've been in touch with lawyers - they've noticed something wrong from his side.

Only so much I can do.

Is is mental health from his point of view????? How can I help????/