How to cope with a narcissistic parent?

[silentcatastrophe]

I reckon my dad probably has a narcissistic personality disorder. My mum (now demented) thinks he has something wrong with his brain. It seems to add up - I was definitely used as a scapegoat. My youngest brother was the golden child who could do no wrong. He flies into tantrums over nothing normal, then blames whoever is around. His behaviour is definitely contextual. When he thinks people are high up, he grovels. It is very much a case of Charm over the Cocktails and Hell over the Shredded Wheat.

I am very worried about my mum's care (he is the main carer). Her memory clinic doctor is very worried about her care too. My dad won't listen.

What are the implications of a positive diagnosis of NPD?

[silentcatastrophe]

I can't find the old thread.

[silentcatastrophe]

Am I all alone?

[Stripycat23]

Certainly not. Wait till I find a link
(then figure out how to paste it in)

[Stripycat23]

daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

I realise you said that you suspect your Dad has NPD but don't let the address put you off. This is a really useful site with lots of information about NPD. There's also a forum for everyone who has survived their parents/partners/families NPD.

From what I've read, there is no successful treatment for NPD I'm afraid.

You are NOT alone. See you there.

[Stripycat23]

Oh, just re-read my first post. I sound very haughty! Oops...sorry about that

[silentcatastrophe]

You don't sound haughty at all! Thank you for that link! It's so much harder when so many people think that the N is so wonderful and so good.

[Stripycat23]

I so understand what you mean. I'm a scapegoat too. I realise that you're very worried about your Mum but are YOU ok too?

(((Hugs)))

[silentcatastrophe]

I think I'm just about ok. A bit shaky at the moment. It's a lot to process, and of course the madness of it all.

I spoke to my aunt about my dad's behaviour at the weekend, and she said yes, I was demonised, especially after the death of my older brother. My father would have preferred that I had died, not my brother. He also hated that I was a girl. I knew from an early age that I was a failed boy (not much I could do about that), and I learned very early that I could do no right.

I have had therapy for most of my adult life, and now in my 40s there seems to be a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. It is so hard to reconcile being so so unwanted, and having to live with it.

How do you cope with it all?

[Stripycat23]

I had my "lightbulb" moment fairly recently so I'm still processing it all.

I've did lots of internet searches on narcissism and started to write down those memories to help deal with them - one at a time. I've gone to low contact with my NM which is helping immensely. So is having a DH who believes me. Funny as I'm very calm and content in the midst of all those emotions (including a lot of anger).

That's a terrible thing your Dad said to you. He should be ashamed. Remember, none of this is your fault. One day at a time...

[silentcatastrophe]

I have a fantastic dh too. He has seen my dad in one of his lunatic ways. My dad was telling him to sell our house and demanding to see dh's accounts. I don't think he could understand that we could be poor and still have a reasonable relationship. I think he was trying to take control. Oh it's bonkers!

I'm feeling better today. I just feel like such a loon when the whole thing gets too big in my head even though it's not my fault at all.

It seems like a good idea to start writing things down. Do you write down the good things too?

Thank you for posting. It really is helpful and reassuring