bipolar help

[MightBeUnwellAGAIN]

I don't even know if it is 'my' bipolar, obviously you can have other problems and it doesn't always come back to that but it seems to fit the pattern as far as I can tell.

Managed to persuade gp to increase maintenance meds to max outpatient level but not sure things are improving rapidly enough, either my ability to care for the children is being compromised by the illness or I am just an awful person! Obviously in some ways I'd prefer it not to be the latter, but I don't want to go down the road of the former yet again. At the very very least I am taking the meds properly but things like sleep and the normal routine just seem out of reach. But probably thinking and realising this is a sign that my mood is already coming back down and the danger has passed? I just feel so panicky about getting into trouble with various people.

[MightBeUnwellAGAIN]

Not that the problems are confined to bipolar, anyone with other serious mental illness experience can probably identify?

Don't want to get sucked back into the system and scared that I might get depressed.