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I don't enjoy being a Stay At Home Mum-feel like I am sinking into depression

(13 Posts)
therealthing Thu 18-Jun-09 20:13:14

Not sure where to start with this one.

My son is five and I really do love him with all my heart. I just find everything to do with motherhood terminally boring. I remember sitting in soft play centres wanting to top myself. I hate going to parks and playing kids games and kids tv.

I could just about cope with it all when I was working but I gave up two years ago as childcare was difficult as I travelled abroad a lot with my job. I was glad to leave my job but it did have lots of perks and I do miss them now.

I think that is a big part of my problem. I know that I don't have the escape of work every now and then and I am just stuck at home doing the same thing day in, day out. My son is at school now but the school day goes so quickly, it's difficult to go to far (eg if I wanted to see a friend further away). I just seem to have got myself into a lethargic rut.

I don't have any energy and even less enthusiasm for anything. My husband is fed up with me as my moods are very erratic (he doesn't know half of how I feel as when I've tried to explain it always ends in an argument). He tells me I want for nothing and don't have a hard life.

I've started going to the gym to try and get my energy levels up and am looking into working (I do want to) but it's a slow process as I am so lethargic. I usually have to go to bed each day for half an hour at least because I feel so tired. I feel tearful and very depressed quite a lot too.

I am craving some excitement and can't accept that this is all there is to life. The endless rounds of playdates, birthday parties, having other peoples kids for tea and them tearing round to house and trashing it is driving me mad. I hate it all. I don't enjoy anything. I just plaster a smile on my face and pretend. I feel like just jumping on a plane and escaping. I feel middle aged and dead inside.

Can anyone offer any advice? A job, medication??

cornsilk Thu 18-Jun-09 20:42:23

What kind of job did you do? Would you find it easier to work now that your ds is older? I've recently gone back to work full time and I'm loving it.

mollyroger Thu 18-Jun-09 20:47:58

I was SAHM for 5 years but had to go back to work at that point for exactly the reasons you speak of.
Why not try some voluntary work to 'break you in gently' to the workplace then look for some p/t work?
I worked for Oxafm for a while - I could choose the hours/days of week and it was so varied and fun and I got to interact with people nd window dress and al sorts. They even offered me paid work.

Perhaps you need to have a chat to your DH ( a full and frank discussion about how you are feeling) and then a full and frank diuscussion with your gp.
If you are depressed, there's no shame in anti-depressants and it could nip in the bud before you sink into serious, long-term depression

LovelyTinOfSpam Thu 18-Jun-09 20:49:14

Sounds to me like you need to look for a job smile

Can you look for something that fits in around school hours? Now that DS is at school would you be able to do traditional hours PT or FT?

pushmepullyou Thu 18-Jun-09 20:50:14

I really feel for you - I have been feeling similarly unsuited for housewifelyness and I am still on maternity leave shock.

Is there anything you could do freelance, or part time now your son is in school? What do you enjoy doing?

Chandra Thu 18-Jun-09 20:59:34

Have you considered joining an employability program/course? There are many oriented to people like you, who left their work to care for the children and are now fining it difficult to find their feet in order to get back to work.

After a good number of years at home I participated in 2, one lasted for about 2 weeks and was mainly about covering different topics to help you get the confidence to start applying again. It was very helpful and to my surprise it was very well suited to all the participants: from a guy still in his teens who had never had a job to a former high flyer.

The second one was based in getting experience through volunteer work. It lasted for 2 months and they placed you working with a team that shared your area of interest. This was particularly useful in terms of kindly kindly getting me into the dynamics of the workplace and when I started applying for jobs, my team leader provided the so much needed recent reference.

I was back to work in less than 4 months.

therealthing Fri 19-Jun-09 09:19:53

Thanks for your replies. I have made some steps to get back into the world of work but am just finding it difficult to push myself to get on with it.

I am easily distracted and can fill a whole morning just faffing and before I know it a whole day has gone.

I know I need to be more organised and set some goals, I just don't seem to be able to.

Then it gets to tea time and bath time and I spend my whole time feeling depressed that another day has gone by and I've done nothing. I get so frustrated then that I'm short with my DS.

Sorry-I sound pathetic-I annoy myself...

shootfromthehip Fri 19-Jun-09 09:27:19

I always find that the more I prcastinate, the more depressed I become. I too am looking at going back to work pt for the very reasons you describe- I need some action/ excitement/ mental stimulation. It's hard if you are a bright person to feel like constantly cleaning your house is 'enough' iykwim. What about an OU cousre or some retrainign- it's not work but it would keep you busy? That or a job!

whyme2 Fri 19-Jun-09 09:27:43

I think you need a trip to the gp first. It does sound like you are depressed to me. They may offer counselling and/or AD's.
Make an appt today if that is all you do.
Good luck, I understand the walking through treacle feeling.

runawayquickly Fri 19-Jun-09 09:36:04

Well, I wish more people were like you and would actually admit they find the whole motherhood thing so bloody tedious. I'm with you on that and have experienced a lot of the feelings you described here.
I think it's not necessarily work you need, it's stimulation! It's like your brain has shut down and doesn't know how to rev up again.

If you are not the sort of person who is organised enough to make lists, (lke me) then force yourself to think positively about the following day. Within reason, what would you like to achieve? You're aiming to gloat at the end of the day grin about ticking off 'sorted toys for charity shop' and 'swam 50 lengths', anything really.

I think you're going the right way with exercise too - it does help, doesn't it? Good luck with everything - I know you'll feel better because it sounds like you know what the problem is!

runawayquickly Fri 19-Jun-09 09:39:25

"I know you'll feel better because it sounds like you know what the problem is!"

Sorry, that sounded very 'pat', I really didn't mean it the way it read. Meant to say, you really would be in trouble if you had not recognised what is making you unhappy. You identified the triggers for feeling down, so it's a good step towards changing something.

therealthing Fri 19-Jun-09 10:17:17

Not at all runaway-thanks for your reply!

You are right, I think I know what the problem is (just writing it all down here has made it clearer in my mind). Feeling depressed is just a symptom of not being stimulated and bored with being at home doing the same things day in, day out.

Thanks whyme2 and shootfromthehip,I am looking (or have got all the bumpf!) at OU and studying. I do need to write some lists and just get myself in gear and get on with it.

It's just helped me knowing I'm not alone in feeling like this-thank you.

shootfromthehip Fri 19-Jun-09 10:20:10

No worries therealthing, good luck with shaking things up.

Oh and may I apologise for the terrible typing in my post- I never check these things and really should blush

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