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Does anyone else struggle with people and their unpredictable behaviour when having anxiety/depression attacks?

(16 Posts)
wooga Mon 20-Oct-08 14:29:57

I really don't want to go on med again but my confidence is so low due to a number of things in the past year and I'm worried that I am getting ill again.

When I have to go outside of the house alone I feel wary when I see other people-they always spoil things by approaching me and saying something that makes me low e.g. a woman in the supermarket thought I was pregnant and asked when I was due-leaving me in tears (I am only a stone overweight which am at slimming club for)and then later that day a different woman approached me in my car to ask what I was doing when I'd gone to collect my dd from pre-school(I wasn't parked somewhere I shouldn't as I do all I can to avoid confrontations when out).

It's like on the days when I really need to be left alone, that's when stuff happens.

I don't like people coming near me when I am low,the best days are when it rains so I have an umbrella or a hood and don't feel exposed-I feel safer then.

I need the exercise as I know it does help lift me but wish I had a force-field to stop people and their comments coming near me.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Sorry if I make no sense-don't know how to explain this.

Am going to collect ds from school,will check in later-I don't worry when I am out with dd or ds as I am too busy with them to notice anyone else-but other than dragging someone I trust out with me whenever I leave the house I would love any ideas to help me cope.

wooga Mon 20-Oct-08 16:06:34

Sorry, I was rambling there!

I think my main problem is that I get paranoid and feel 'under attack' when I'm low-I can look at the situation later when I'm over it and know I was just unlucky to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but when I'm low I can't cope with it,and feel 'why today,why not a day when I feel relatively normal?'

MaryBS Mon 20-Oct-08 16:19:32

Just want to say, you aren't alone in feeling like this. What helps me cope is that I know my initial reaction is an overreaction, that I will feel better later, and then distract myself from thinking about it, until it IS later.

It can help to talk to someone else who will just listen and understand how you are feeling, without passing judgement

choosyfloosy Mon 20-Oct-08 16:22:31

This may be a ridiculous idea - especially in this weather - but might sunglasses help you to feel a little bit less vulnerable?

Sorry if it's a silly idea. my dh is the one who suffers in our family so I only see the effects from the outside.

wooga Mon 20-Oct-08 16:36:36

Thank you,I think just talking it over would help-although I was embarrassed that the woman thought I was pregnant so I didn't want to share thatblush as for sunglasses-yes I could try that-although may look odd on a dark day.

Is that why Bono always wears them?

It's unbearable when I'm like this-I know when it's here and that it a case of riding it out but I have no friends and zero confidence in myself these days-don't know what happened to the old me.

exasperatedmummy Mon 20-Oct-08 17:09:34

I really think you need to go back to your doctor. This is no way to go on - poor you I know that i go through days when i wish everyone would just fuck off and leave me alone. It's anxiety and its horrid. You don't have to go back onto medication if you really don't want to, but maybe you can have some counselling to help you understand why you feel like this.

bythepowerofgreyskull Mon 20-Oct-08 17:15:19

Wooga, I struggle with this so much.
I don't have depression but do have other mental health issues. Anxiety is one of my big symptoms.. I feel sorry for the people around me who are acting perfectly normally yet I am reacting badly to things. Dh tends to get most of it.
I have a baseball cap with quite a long peak to the cap, when I am out walking with my hat on and my Ipod I don't do eye contact and people tend to leave me alone.. it is friends and family mostly that are the problem for me.

I agree with exasperatedmummy that you should probably try to get back to your GP = take the help that is on offer.. you would do it if you had broken your leg! Good luck

wooga Mon 20-Oct-08 19:48:23

Maybe I will go back to my gp-I have to see her about my ears anyway(tinitus-which doesn't exactly help things!)but I don't want the tablets again as I was on citalapram(sp?) and it made me feel separated from real life,like I was behind a screen with a time delay-and that's no good for me and dcs.

My main problem now is my lack of confidence in myself and due to someone telling lies about me (a so-called friend)to my other 'friends' when I already had a separation and subsequent house move to deal with,I now have aquaintances only and am unfortunately scared to trust anyone again.

When I try to talk to others at the school I get so nervous and spend so long checking through what to say that I lose my chance.

Mainly though I find that the school drop-off/pick-up is the most dreaded part of the day for me,I have seen threads on this subject recently that I really identified with.

Nothing worse than feeling like Billy-no-mates every morning and afternoon.

exasperatedmummy Mon 20-Oct-08 20:23:27

I can identify with alot you are saying. I am on citalopram and i have been so on a year, i don't remember what it is like to be not on them now But they do work for me. My anxiety was more introspective and health related. I too suffer from self esteem problems and its bloody difficult.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about the school run you know. I have just started that whole thing again after 18 years, i seem to be better at it this time, mostly because of knowing some of the mums already from baby groups etc. Do you have any little ones at home? Could you perhaps get a job? some voluntary work? The only reason i say this is because, the school gates are a minefield, you don't really know who is going to have common ground with you - appearances are deceptive. At work, you have that in common, and the fact that you are doing the same job MIGHT mean you have similar interests - it just gives an angle at which to talk about. I really miss the whole talking about feck all that we used to do at work. I was doing a PhD in a biology department so was mixing with professors and techs and maintenance staff at tea - there was none of this competition you see at the school gates - we spoke about the more important things in life - you know, like big brother, eastenders, football any old bullshit just to have a laugh. I miss that alot! In the playground, you have to make a fecking effort to find something interesting to say - fuck that!

Its easy to give advice - i have NO confidence whatsoever, really i don't, i have posted so many self loathing threads on here under a previous name. So i know that its very easy to say "get a job" "get a hobby", but I find if you do something for YOU, you will want to talk about it to people doing similar things and at least you know you wont be boring them because they are doing the same.

Im waffling now - its my biggest skill grin

wooga Mon 20-Oct-08 21:25:14

I had to leave my job when I separated with exh-he wouldn't get dd from cm and cm couldn't meet me at ds's school,I tried to get someone else but it was hopeless-really miss having that job as I loved it and it gave me self-worth.

I am living off the share of the house sale right now-renting a house-and it's bloody difficult to get another job doing what I did before as it was in a school and have lots of competition-not even getting to interview stagesad.

My dd is at pre-school and will be at school next sep which will make it easier.

I am arranging an nvq course at the moment to go along with helping out at a placement-that will hopefully get me qualified for work in a pre-school or school,in time for next september.

My ds has mild autism which can make it impossible to just leave him with someone so fingers crossed this will all work out well so I can still be there for him and dd as well as earning at least something.

Maybe once I get going with my volunteering I will feel worthwhile to someone again,only thing I have now is my gorgeous dcs but I know it's a lot more than many have so I feel guilty for feeling this way.

I'm a bit of a waffler myself!wink

exasperatedmummy Tue 21-Oct-08 10:21:05

So really then, looking at this logically you ARE making some really positive steps forward. You are getting out there and doing something, where i would probably have curled up in a ball. You clearly love children and sound like a fantastic mum - if that doesn't give you "worth" then i don;t know what does tbh. I do agree that you need to do something for yourself, and the volunteering will go a long way to help with that i am sure.

It sounds like your split was recent? So you have been through a lot and are coming out the other side. You might not feel it, but you will be a stronger person for it.

Are you getting any benefits at all? You are allowed quite a bit in savings before it starts affecting your entitlement. Might be worthwhile looking this up too. Easing your finances might be a weight off your mind too.

My DD started pre-school last week, its nice to have some time to myself. I am applying for jobs now and i have an interview next week - im shitting my pants, i probably wont get it as im not experienced but you have to do these things or you just wither away.

Remember, you are the centre of your children's world - that is THE most worthwhile "job" in the world. Hold your head up and be proud of your achievements so far - You are going to be OK xx

wooga Wed 22-Oct-08 13:11:44

Haven't been on for a bit,just wanted to say thank you for your positive

Good luck with your job interview,exasperatedmummy!

iamnotimpressed Wed 22-Oct-08 13:34:35

Wooga.I really feel for you. I have recently had anxiety attacks mainly because of a so called friend who has just stopped talking to me. I have to do the school pick up and she is there and I find it really intimidating. But I have discovered relaxation and breathing techniques which have really helped me stay positive. Although it is still hard I am trying to arrange a degree course for next year and I am applying to do some voluntary work.
I am also waiting for some counselling sessions which were arranged by my gp.
Just stay positive and if you feel people are being mean, remember this is their problem, not yours. Perhaps ask for counselling too as this may help.Hope mine does!
Hope you start feeling better soon

wooga Wed 22-Oct-08 14:15:23

I will have to ask my doctor about the counselling iamnotimpressed-would be good to talk to someone so I don't have it all going round my head-and if they can suggest ways to help with my lack of confidence and anxiety around people that would be a bonus.

I want to be a better role model for my children,don't want them being shy like me-especially my ds-he needs to see his mum interacting with people positively if he's to get used to doing it himself.

I was told that there was a waiting list for counselling when I was first treated for depression but maybe it'll be worth a wait,rather than getting given pills again.

iamnotimpressed Wed 22-Oct-08 15:01:01

I think counselling will help. I just sit around worrying about silly things like what people think of me etc. At least talking it through could give you a release from your worries.
I am the same, no longer want my children to see me a complete bundle of nerves, its not fair on them
Good luck, cat me if you want to chat. smile

exasperatedmummy Wed 22-Oct-08 17:09:10

There is often a waiting list for counselling. I had to wait for my first lot - but then i got alot worse, and my DP marched me to the doctors and said "help her now, or she is going to hurt herself " blush I had started to self harm again. Within two weeks i had an appointment with a pyschiatric social worker, who reffered me to counselling, which i am having now - until I feel i don't need it any more - i told my counsellor she best keep her diary free for the next year or so!

Breathing exercises DO work, they got me through a horrible panic attack in Tesco last week - i thought i was going to die, so i just concentrated on my breathing, until i was able to continue with my shop and get the fuck out of there. It works for two reasons - firstly, you start to concentrate on something else and secondly, you are getting adequate oxygen around your body, as apposed to the shallow breathing you do when you are anxious - i was skeptical but it does work. And the key thing is, no one is going to start staring at you thinking, "omg, look at her, she is BREATHING!" You just have to concentrate on taking deep slow breaths, standing straight so that you can physically breathe in deeply. Do this a few times and it does make a difference. Despite me looking at my counsellor as she were mad. I suspect she is slightly but aren't we all grin.

It is amazing what just offloading your concerns can do - just have somoene listen and validate what you are feeling, not trivialise it and look for strategies with which to cope.

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