What's the point?

[whatsthepoint]

I am a regular poster but have changed my name for this. Not sure why really but anyway I have done.

I have suffered with depression in the past and when DS was 9 months was diagnosed with PND and was taking ADs until I discovered in January that I am pregnant again. As it wasn't planned that rather shook me and terminating the pregnancy was an option that DH and I discussed but haven't done.

I can feel the greyness sinking on to me and I know I am being horrible mainly to DH. I can cope at work by retreating into my shell. I am mainly OK with DS; I think I am lucky that he likes to sleep though.

Last night when DH got back home I was saying all the wrong things to him - I don't mean to sound so horrible but it just comes out that way. I feel worn out all the time (feeling sick all the time doesn't help) and feel like I don't have the physical or emotional energy to be able to cope with anyone else.

I just want to crawl away somewhere on my own and not have to face anyone. But it's not going to happen. Plus we are moving house soon and I can't begin to think how it's going to happen.

I feel like I'm screaming inside all the time and sometimes it bubbles out. Last night I threw a bowl and smashed it which was when DH decided it was time to go and do the shopping that I hadn't done.

Just feel so awful. But keep going on because that's what you do isn't it. Just can't really see the point.

[Evesmama]

honey, anyone would find this hard and youre not alone
i can imagine your going through a lot of turmoil what with your young ds and number two on the way(how far along are you?) and moving house just puts the cherry on the cake!(we moved home when dd was 11 months old, i was told i had no job to go back to and dp was made redundant in may, so apart from the new baby, i have a idea of how difficult it can be)
however, you will get through ityou just need to get some help first...speak to your doc or HV, find out what ad's they can prescribe whilst pregnant(im sure they'll be some mild safe form?), then get your family/friends rallying round, let them know how you feel and snap their hands off 'everytime' they offer 'any' help...ask them for help..can you look after ds while i get some rest/ring round solicitors,estate agents etc, arrange for ds too be looked after the day you move(we 'moved' ourselves, it took us all day and i had dd in my arms whilst carrying boxes and furniture through house!)this was not a good idea and you need it to be as stressless as poss(and remember, no heavy lifting)

but mainly...your not alone, it must be so hard, but you are strong..your a mum, we have to be

[MummytoSteven]

Hi what's the point - sorry you are feeling so bad. I agree with Evesmama - if you can speak to HV/GP - whichever you feel most comfortable with, and they can look at what treatment to give you - like she says it is possible to take anti-Ds when PG - I was on Prozac from 30 weeks (and should have been about 2 months earlier had it not been for useless GP!).

like Evesmama says. you do have a lot on your plate atm - so you need to think about how best you can make life easier for yourself.

best of luck

[whatsthepoint]

I think the problem is that I can't even manage to think properly about how to help myself.

I just feel panicky about thinking about anything remotely "difficult".

And don't want to talk to DH about it again as I'll just end up crying and being useless. Even left the house this morning without saying good bye to him as I felt I would end up crying or something stupid.

Might try and go to the doctor tomorrow morning although it depends what is going on at work - I somehow manage to keep up the pretence that things are OK here.

\i wonder how many people feel like this and just bottle it up?

[MummytoSteven]

completely what I was like during PG - trying to pretend to be as normal as possible as work, complete wreck at home

there was an interesting thread a while back about negative feelings/depression during pg that i'll try and fish out for you

just take it one step at a time - book that appointment and see that as your main "task for the day".

[MummytoSteven]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=49&threadid=34763

[miam]

whatsthepoint - sorry you are feeling so bad. I think that almost everyone who suffers from depression bottles it up initially. It takes some people literally years and years before they open up to others about how they really feel. Depressed people are incredibly good at appearing to be happy, but are actually dying within. Don't feel you are alone with this. But there is help to be had and you will find a lot of support on here too. Don't suffer in silence any longer. xx

[whatsthepoint]

Thanks MTS . Will look at the thread in a little while.

[PiccadillyCircus]

Well, I realised that I did need to do something about this and on Wednesday went to see my GP who referred me to the Community Mental Health Team.

Went to see them on Friday and had a good conversation with the doctor there (a whole 1.5 hours worth). He agreed that I am still suffering from depression and also felt that what seemed like PND before might not really have been PND but just plain old D. I don't think what I have now is AND either, it just happens that I am pregnant.

I have been prescribed Prozac (sertraline). Have taken Prozac before and it helped a lot then. The doctor went through his books carefully to find one that is suitable for breast feeding as well as in pregnancy - something tells me that as DS2/DD isn't due until September that I may well be taking these for a while.

He is also trying to chase up the counselling I am already on a waiting list for and will arrange other things with ie health visitor etc.

Went back to GP this morning and he has signed me off work for 4 weeks which feels a relief although it also feels weird as well.

But hopefully things will start to get better .

[triceratops]

Hope you feel better soon. Life can be so hard sometimes. I hope you get the help you need.