Am I expecting too much from my partner - depression

[mum2taylor]

I am suffering from depression and it just seems to be getting worse ...I dont look forward to anything any more, really short tempered with my dp and dd (4). I have just cut my hours at work on the basis that dd is starting school next year and also to give me time to do housework etc, during the week so that we have the weekends free to spend as a family. But all I want to do when I go home is go to bed...I am finding it more and more difficult to lift a finger... I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and have only just explained things to my dp about how iv been feeling but he doesnt seem to understand. I think he thinks im just being lazy. Anyone else been through this with their dp? Any help/advice really appreciated.

[mum2taylor]

bump....anyone???

[Miaou]

dh suffers from chronic depression - now under control with ADs. But he feels like this when the black dog descends - just getting out of bed feels like a herculean effort. Tbh as the partner I did find it difficult to understand and sympathise with (particularly as he is a naturally lazy person anyway!).

I'm really glad you have got a GP appointment. Please tell them everything. Don't be afraid to cry if that's what you feel like. If they prescribe ADs, take them; if they don't work, go back, change them for another type (dh changed his type and the second lot worked much better for him).

Dh describes taking ADs as changing the world from being in black and white to being in colour. It's still the same world (and the same shit!), but it seems that bit easier to deal with.

HTH.

[mum2taylor]

thanks miaou....he's not the most sympathetic type as it is but I can tell by the looks hes giving me that he doesnt believe me and its making me feel even worse...its really hard enough to cope with myself. Got doctors tomorrow and I will tell them everything about how ive been feeling, thanks for your help.

[Miaou]

All the best at the GPs today.

[mum2taylor]

Thanks Miaou....really nervous actually. Its good to have hope that things can change though...just want to be able to feel excited about things again.

[Miaou]

How did things go mum2taylor?

[mangolassi]

I had a bit of a similar situation with dp when I had pnd after dd was born. Going to the dr and getting ads helped him to understand that i was sick, not just trying to be difficult (or whatever he thought). I was lucky with the ads, was put on the right ones first time and started to feel better after just a few days. Dp said that my whole face and posture changed.

So i hope you find things a bit easier soon anyway. If not, maybe you can suggest that dh comes to the gp with you sometime and hears it from him/ her directly? It might help if someone neutral (or anyway, someone who's not you) is saying that x or y is normal behaviour for a depressed person.

Hope it went well today

[mum2taylor]

Hi guys, GP was really good. She gave me Citalopram. Just 10mg just now to see how I am with side effects etc and I have to go back in two weeks to see how im getting on with them. She is also referring me for cognitive behavioural therapy to see if that will help me. She was very good and not at all judgemental...phew! Thanks for your support on here.

[Miaou]

Brilliant! So glad it went well and you are feeling positive. A good reaction from the GP makes a huge difference.

Hope that dp can find it easier to support you from now on

[savetheplanetdontiron]

Great that you have CBT referral. Talking therapies are much more effective in the long run.

There's a lot of ignorance about depression, hence the stigma, despite the fact that about one in four people are likely to experience some form of mental illness in your lives. Depression isn't visible like, say a broken leg, and it is nigh impossible for someone who hasn't experienced it to understand the bleakness you feel.

I know you feel like you can't/don't do much but I think you have done amazingly well. You have sought medical help and you have tried to plan your time so that your family can enjoy time together. Don't worry about the dusting and the vacuuming please fgs - that is not what makes for a happy childhood for your dd.

Good luck

[savetheplanetdontiron]

sorry - should have read 'mental illness in their lives'

[mum2taylor]

thanks dontiron, it would be so much easier to deal with if it was a visible illness as it makes you doubt yourself so much and because it makes it harder for your loved ones who have never experienced it before, it can make you feel worse when they dont believe you. Im actually quite looking forward to the CBT as it will be the kick up the backside I need to deal with talking about my problems instead of bottling them up, which probably caused the depression in the first place. Feeling more positive by far now though.

[Monkeytrousers]

Just so you know CNT works muchg quicker if you take ad's with it. CBT only deals with how to manage depression, it doesn't cure the underlying chemical imbalance, so please don;t think you can only have one or the other. For the sake of yourself and your loved ones

[mum2taylor]

thanks mt, the gp offered me the choice of trying both or if I wasnt happy with taking pills then the CBT on its own, but I said I would rather give the ad's a try as they would start working more quickly....its making me so snappy and i wanted more of a "quick fix" with the ad's. Im quite happy to do the CBT over the long term but it takes a couple of weeks for the referral to go through and I didnt think I could wait that long tbh.

[Monkeytrousers]

Great. And take them for as long as you feel you need. Then stagger coming off them, again for as long as it takes to really give you a chance to absorb the CBT skills. We are talking huge life changes here and it is possible to do it but you must give yourself time and use the help available