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[hadtochangename88]

I'm a bit freaked out really. I did something really amazingly freaky in my sleep last week. I can't remember doing it at the time, it's only when I woke up and I saw the evidence. It made me worry big style that I'm unhinged, it really was a stupid and alarming thing to do.

My uncle has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and my ds has what could be considered a mental health problem, I guess.

Background - I'm paranoid, and scared of knives to the extent I won't allow any in the house (it's a bugger when I want to cut vegetables etc, only got blunt knives - like cutlery knives) I hallucinate at night and I see writings on the walls and insects everywhere but surprisingly I'm aware that it's my imagination, even though I must be half asleep.

My ds sleeps with me most nights, but since this particular night I've not wanted him to be nearby at night, I would never even contemplate hurting him ever, (never even smacked him) but I worry that I'm a fret to him if I wake up half asleep at night. Dp reckoned it was a one-off but I worry so much that I'm just heading the same way as my uncle.

I'm fully aware that it will never happen but I have thoughts that I'm going to stab or strangle my son in my sleep. I love him to bits and I'm very protective of him, I worry about every ailment that he has, I worry that it's going to turn into something terminal so I can only imagine it's another worry of mine. But it's one that I absolutely hate, I know I'm not a danger to my ds, but it even freaks me out to even consider that I think I might be.

Has anyone else had this fear? I know I'm anxious most of the time, maybe it's just that.

I will never harm my son, I have no intentions, please don't get me wrong, it's just the fear that I could.

[suzywong]

do you have a good relationship with your GP?

If your GP is someone you feel comfortable with then I think it would be a good idea to make an appointment as soon as you can and get a professional opinion.

Try and take it easy this weekend

HTH

[Mhamai]

Maybe I've read your op but what exactly did you do? Maybe I haven't read your op properly.

[Mhamai]

Read your op wrong even.

[hadtochangename88]

Oh no, please don't think I'm a fret to my son because I'm not. I love him dearly and he's my everything. What I did in my sleep last week had nothing to do with my son at all.

[Mhamai]

God no, I'm not suggesting you did anythin to your ds, it's just that you mentioned doing something and just somehow thought it was linked to your anxiety, sleepwalking perhaps. Just seemed it has impacted somehow on how you feel anxious. I agree with Suzy re appt with gp to put your mind at rest if nothing else.