Before the baby blues??

[goldie11]

I am 29 weeks pregnant and feeling very low. I've suffered from depression in the past (when my parents split up and when my dad was diagnosed with cancer)and both times been put on Fluxotine which I felt really helped. It made me feel normal again and more balanced.

Over the last few weeks I've felt myself getting really anxious and stressed again. Its not been an easy time at the minute, baby wasn't planned, I've only been with my partener for a year and a half. We have now had to sell both our flats (in the recession) and buy a new house big enough for baby. My dad's cancer has gotten worse and he's now gone blind in one eye and in general things have just been a nightmare since I found out I was pregnant. I feel constantly guilty about being so stressed and worry that the baby will be born really anxious and unsettled.

To top it all off now I'm having doubts about my relationship. I love dp very much but have never had a good track record with relationships in the past. I worry that we have rushed into things and that he might not be the one? We are due to move into the new house in the next few days and I'm seriously wondering if its what I really want. It breaks my heart because I know he loves me so much, why don't I feel the same way? Is it because I'm depressed or should I have listened to my instincts a while ago and got out of this? I'm so muddled up. I just want someone to tell me this is normal and the feeling will come back after the baby is born and things settle down a bit.

[timewaster]

Hi goldie,
i felt very depressed when pg and found life really difficult. i too had a history of depression and found my mood dropped when pg, also added to lots of other stresses such as health and financial worries. Apparantly it is quite common. The good news is that when ds was born my mood really lifted (apart from a few weepy anxious days when my milk came in).
See your gp. i was still taking antidepressants when i got pg and continued with them (and still take them now) and have been able to braestfeed whilst taking them. My ds appears to be fine, you just need to find an understanding gp and obviously they will have the most up-to-date information regarding ADs and pregnacy. Also there are counselling services available for pregnant women at my local hospital and a midwife trained in mental health. There may be something like this in your area.
Don't assume that there isn't any help out there, just make the first step. I hope you find the help and support you need. xx

[heron22]

hi timewaster, i read your post with great interest because i had bad PND after i had DS. Now, i am pregnant again and am worried that depression will happen.

i wonder what AD were you taking during pregnancy? after i had DS, i was taking citalopram 10mg per day and this allowed me to breastfeed.

thanks

[goldie11]

Thanks timewaster. Its nice to know there are other people out there who take AD while pregnant. I feel so guilty for even thinking about it, but I don't know how I will cope with the next few months if I don't?

I know I'm not myself and being very irrational but I can't seem to stop it. Its like I'm constantly battling with myself in my own head if that makes sense?!

I've made an appointment to see the GP tomorrow but am a bit scared about going. I've been to see this doc before and he wasn't that great but it was the only appointment I could get. I really want to talk to someone first to see if that helps before I go back on AD. I need to talk things through and hopefully realise that a lot of what i'm thinking is just panic caused by baby and hormones.

Is it normal to go off your partner during pregnancy and have doubts? Everyone else I know seems to be so happy and content I sometime wish I had waited a bit longer to be sure before having a baby but its too late now.

[timewaster]

I was taking sertraline. None of the health professionals seemed to know what to do with me at first and whether i should stop taking it, wean it off before delivery, would I be able to breastfeed etc etc...
Then one of the doctors wrote to the medicines information unit and they said, yes, that it is ok in pg and that yes i could bf. But it took a while to get that information so be prepared for individual doctors/midwives to need time to check their information. As I was already taking it when I conceived it may be a slightly different story for you, but i do have a friend who was prescribed ADs when she was preg with her dd (she had had a still birth previously and was quite depressed throughout her next pregnancy). So it is more common than you might think.
As for going off your partner.... I had nausea and vomiting everyday throughout the pregnancy and found that certain smells that hadn't previously bothered me made me feel physically ill, and unfortunately my husband's smell made me feel sick!
but seriously, i think people underestimate what a stressful time it is. especially if you are moving house as well.... lots of big life changes. Maybe it is best to try to sort out your mental health first before you make any big decisions about your relationship. when you feel more confident and calmer you can truly assess how you feel and know that any decisions are made from a more positive outlook instead of from an anxious point of view.
Hope that helps, as you can tell I am not a relationship counsellor, but I would think it is normal to get the wobbles at this time so my advice would be to not rush into any decisions.

[timewaster]

Oh and just another thought...
I felt guilty when I was pg because it seemed that all the other pregnant women i knew were blooming and happy. I still do feel a bit sad that i couldn't enjoy that time more, but i have the most beautiful healthy son and I would do it again for him.
i read an interesting article that said that there is alot of pressure on women to enjoy pregnancy and to bloom etc etc but that really pregnancy and labour are just a means to an end. It made me feel a lot better. I'll see if i can find a link.
(and I'm sure all those other couples we see have their spats and doubts and fears, but like us they feel pressure to not express it all)

[goldie11]

Thanks it does help. Will talk things through with the doc tomorrow and hopefully he will suggest someone to talk to.

I know exactly what you mean about smells. My partner constantly smells of strawberry milkshake?? Its horrible. Really sweet and sickly, I'm driving him nuts asking him to brush his teeth all the time! (mind you I'm sure he drinks it when we fall out just to annoy me!!)

Thanks for listening, this is the first I have done this sort of thing. Its nice to know there are other people out there going throught the same stuff.