Social Anxiety is crippling my life and so many other things as well

[quill]

Hi
I am probably about to sound like a real mess as I have so many problems going on in my head and don,t feel as though I am normal or coping any more.

One of my problems is that I have been extremely shy since I was a child I am now 37 and I can only say that the problem has got worse and to be honest its probably more of a anxiety disorder than general shyness.

Even making a phone call fills me with absolute dread in case I stumble with my words, and I have to relay everything I am going to say in my head before I make the call, and sometimes I even write it down so I know what to say.
I am having to constantly think about what to say how to say it.
I have tried to talk to people but can never think of anything to say and worry that I may say the wrong thing or appear nosey.
If I see any neighbours out in the street I would rather wait until they have gone in before going out myself so I can avoid having to strike up a conversation.
Its not that I don,t want to talk and mix with people I would love to, but having to make conversation terrfies me.
I feel lonely, bored, and I have no motivation and I don,t know if I am depressed or not alls that I know is that I feel so fed up and feel as though there is nothing to look forward to.

I don,t have any friends to mix with and I just sit at home all day feeling odd and detached from things.
I am constantly worrying about my only ds as I don,t have any mom friends whose children he can play with so he is always on his own and I lack any motivation to play with him.
I know that I should be getting him out and about to clubs etc, but because I have to go on my own with him I hate the idea due to not knowing anyone there. I know many people would suggest that I push myself to do these things but when I get to these places and find that people are already established in their freindships it just makes me feel even more depressed as I lack the courage to even try and talk to them.
I feel like a child at times. If I have to go anywhere I have not been before I worry about where it is, will I know what door to go in, who I have to speak to, what I need to say. I feel so pathetic for a grown woman.
In all of this I worry the most about my ds not having any friends other than at school and having a mother like me.
I know I sound truly pathetic for my age but I needed to get this down.
I just don,t know what to do about myself and I feel tired and emotionally drained.
I could never tell anybody else about this such as my doctor it would embarrass me.

[sandyballs]

. I think it does sound like depression and I think your first step must be your GP, although I know that would be hard for you.

Hopefully someone else will be along to help you more.

[AMAZINWOMAN]

Its catch 22 really. I think lots of SAHM lose their confidence and forget how to socailise, but if you haven't much confidence in the first place-its even harder for you.

But, you have managed to have a relationship with your son's dad.

You have spoken to people before, even going to the GPs when you were pregnant, speaking to health visitors etc. How did you manage this?
At the time it would have been hard, but you managed to do it.

Have a look on the web for tips on social anxiety, if you feel you have this, and let me know what you think.

[maviscrewit]

Hi quill, I know how you feel and I have suffered like this for a long time, although not so badly now. I do feel cut off from life at times and and very sensitive about any sort of rejection and feel like people hate me. I do worry for my children and hope to break the cycle.

There was a support thread running for SA sufferers which might help you to see that you're not alone and that there are things to do to help.

Good luck - hope the link works, not done one before . Take care.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/138/305380

[bitsnbobs]

Hi Quill,

I have social anxiety and have had since my teens. I went on Seroxat for a while and this did help my social anxiety and depression but only short term. A good book to read is Overcoming Social Anxiety by Gillian Butler and gives some good CBT techniques to use.

I have to force myself to do things like chatting to the neighbours sometimes. Start with small steps like saying hello to the checkout person and build up from there. Take your son to the park and try and chat to another mum, not everyone is friendly but most people are happy to talk.

Another useful book I have read is The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron which basically says how some people are extra sensitive to things and it is not always negative. You just have to work with it.

Hope this helps a bit