dont know how im going to get through xmas and beyond

[karenanne]

ive recently split with partner of 9 years after 3 months of maybe getting reconciled and feel today like ive hit rock bottom.ive got 2 beautiful kids whom i adore but im dreading xmas and what comes after.we're living with my parents until exes property's sold then i hope to either rent private or get a council place.i miss him so much i physically hurt,we're still friends and i know really thats not helping me but i cant face the prospect of anything else at the moment.i miss my independence and privacy so much too ,although my parents are great at 32 i feel too old to be living with them ,im used to doing my own thing with the kids and its impossible at the moment.moneys tight and i havent even started my xmas shopping yet.not that ive many to buy.ive lost all my close friends as some are with partners and kids and some still single.
i just feel so alone ,ive bought a packet of 25 xmas cards and dont even have to send half of them.my daughter(4)putting such a brave face on all of whats happened but she adores her dad and misses him so much it breaks my heart.luckily my son(1) doesnt really understand.
i try to stay positive and get on with evrything,even making goals to aim towards but its just getting too much.my ex and i still get on so well and really it was only money probs that split us up.i also have this deep rooted feeling that its not over between us,i dont know if its intuition or just me hoping too much.
it seems the nearer to xmas i get the worse i feel i just want things to get better and be able to cope and see my way through it all.
anyone got a magic wand to take this all away lol
i wish....

[snowmeltsonthebeach]

Hugs to you - I can't offer anything specific but hope you feel happier soon....

[vict17]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Do you think talking to him might help so you can really ascertain if it's over? Did you try Relate or other counselling? Will you be spending Xmas with him. I think all you can do is live one dy at a time until Xmas is over and try not to think about the future (I know easier said than done!). Going to mothers and toddler groups might help with the friends situation too.

[Spacecadetiscomingtotown]

I have been where you are 10 years ago, with a new baby and a 2 year old.I remember thinking that I couldnt get through another day, but I did.What were the reasons for the breakup if you dont mind me asking?If it is because he no longer loves you , then you do have to move on.Take each day at a time, congratulate yourself for getting through that day, if you can stay friends for the sake of the children then thtas brilliant. however, while it is still raw it might be slightly better if you distance yourself from him a bit, not the children but just you.Dont worry about being with your parents, it is merely temporary while you pick yourself up again.I know it sounds like a cliche but time does heal and you will get over this, in the meantime, you will get through christmas.sending you {{{{hugs}}}}

[saintnikcolas]

hi karenanne, ive just seen this thread sorry to hear what been happening to you im in dunstable and me an dd are off collage/nursery untill 4 jan if you fancy a chat my email add is [email protected] xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[karenanne]

thank you all so much for the replies.it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be lol despite a couple of hiccups.exs girlfriend couldnt let him spend 3 hours with his kids xmas day without ringing him despite having him to herself for the rest of the day and dd got upset when he left.
spacecadet we had been having some debt problems and this really caused the split ,he doesnt seem to know what he wants it seems hes goin through his midlife crisis at nearly 30 (everyone including his family think he's nuts)and everyone says once hes got this outof his sysytem he'll be back.lol cant hold on forever tho can i.
anyway im feeling brighter now im focusing on making me and the kids as strong and happy as we can be and having a great new year where we all will be happy and hopefully in a home of our own.
if he wants a piece of that then all well and good but if not we'll get by without him.
saintnikola ...will email later im off to hit the shops lol and spend my xmas money.

[Christmassbee]

Message withdrawn

[Spacecadetiscomingtotown]

Glad christmas wasnt so bad for you and the children, hope you enjoyed your shopping trip.Sounds like you have a positive attitude now to the split. You get on with your life, you never know, if he suddenly decides he wants to come back, you may find you dont actually want him!