Just that really. I can’t remember the last time I was happy and I can’t imagine ever being happy again. I cry every day on the way to work, I’m having to take breaks throughout the day to cry in the toilets at work and then cry all the way home. I’m miserable all the time and although I would never do anything, in reality, no one would miss me if I wasn’t here. No partner, I have a handful of friends- none of which would bother to message unless I made the first move. Family wise it’s just me and my dad and whilst he’s lovely, we aren’t particularly close.
I feel like I’ve tried to everything to get better. I’ve tried CBT, countless antidepressants, going for walks, going to support groups and exercising etc... and nothing helps. I feel like all I do is cry, go to work then come home and cry some more. Life’s just unbearable. I’m 28 and I have absolutely no one I can’t trust or talk to. I’m ridiculously lonely which is half the problem I think but I’m just never enough for anyone. I try to be nice and help people where needed- I’d do anything for my friends/dad/colleagues without a second thought or needing to be asked but I have absolutely no one that would do the same for me.
People must realise I’m struggling, I live at home and I’m pretty sure my dad hears me crying and my colleagues can definitely tell at work. I set up weekly zoom calls within our friendship group last lockdown which I haven’t been able to face due to anxiety the last month and no one seems to have noticed I’m not there. I rang the GP last week after a particularly bad day and the locum just said “well it’s a tough time for everyone right now”
I know compared to what other people are going through I have a great life. Realistically I know I shouldn’t be this anxious and depressed but I can’t get rid of the feelings. I keep telling myself it’ll get better but It never does. I’m not even sure why I’m posting on here- I guess it just need somewhere to write it all down.
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Mental health
I don’t know how to go on anymore
8 replies
keepthelastdream · 15/11/2020 20:00
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