Work related stress and self care

[TheMShip]

I was recently signed off work for stress and I need to vent a bit.

I'm a data scientist. About 18 months ago I was officially promoted to a manager position, had been de facto managing the team for a couple of years beforehand. At the time I'd accomplished some significant weight loss, my HF ASD DS was doing brilliantly in his second year at primary school, DD was 2 and sleeping well at last, DH had returned to a new good job after extended SAHP time to manage DS's school transition, and everything seemed bright and hopeful.

But it's been a steady slow slide from there. The formalization of the management role led to a steering group to oversee the team, and directives to professionalize what is by its nature a very ad hoc service. The institute director began to take an interest in what we could do to burnish the institutional reputation, and pushed new projects and seeking new sources of funding. My team's remit is such that we have many sources of direction, prioritizing workload while shielding my team from the onslaught is difficult.

I began to stress eat in response. My sleep began to suffer, DD began having night terrors, DS began getting too anxious to sleep well, and DH's new job has proved more stressful than hoped. I've been acting as a buffer between a massive asshole at work and everyone else he's alienated because I'm good at handling him and I'm junior enough he doesn't see me as a threat. I was explicitly placed in that position by the director, who is not a bad person, just very single minded in her pursuit of excellence. I've gained back every bit of the 2.5 stone I'd lost. Evenings are almost non existent trying to get both kids to sleep and even when I don't work after that, I don't sleep well.

I coped for ages. But about ten days ago it started to hurt. There were some normal everyday stresses at home (flat tyre, booking tickets for the wrong cinema) that I wouldn't have enjoyed but could've coped fine with normally. I was a mess, crying and nauseous. It got worse every day, till one morning I stood outside DD's nursery after drop off and heard words from a song running through my head, "at the crossroads I am standing", felt like I couldn't breathe. I went home instead of to work, made a GP appt (I know how lucky I am to be almost always able to get a same day appt), and broke down sobbing and retching.

The GP signed me off till the end of next week and I told my line manager. He's been my boss for almost a decade, although since promotion he doesn't direct my work at all. I don't think he realised the full picture of everything that was on my shoulders. After talking to our department head and director, they want me to stay off till the end of the holiday shutdown.

I'm feeling really conflicted. On the one hand the long break I know would properly help me, and my team will be fine for a month with my line manager handling any emergencies, and two of my team are unofficial deputies who step up when I'm on holiday so I know they can cope without me. DH is fully supportive and has even taken this coming week off with annual leave he had intended to carry over so he could be there for me. On the other hand, how dare they make that choice for me? I don't want to be totally out of touch, I want to stay connected. I love what I do, especially the analysis work, and I don't want to stop doing that part of the job.

I've been off for only a few days plus the weekend, my sleep has improved already, and I haven't cried today. I know this is doing me good, but...

Talk me into taking the full time off, someone, please?

[PurpleFrames]

If you have to post online for advise you've already found the answer for yourself. Good luck and enjoy the holiday period.

[GoldfishGirl]

Maybe they just have your best interests at heart.

Your health comes first. Enjoy the month, eat well, exercise, rest. You will be all the better for it. I had a month off earlier this year and it did me the world of good.

[TheMShip]

Thank you both. DH is taking me for a long walk today. I had a rough night and feel more like I really do need the time away. I'm glad to hear it's helped others.