Confused and need some advice/help

[clogsy]

Hi

I've never messaged on MN before but wondered if people can help with some wise words.

I have had a rough fiveish years - splitting up with an emotionally abusive partner and was diagnosed with depression. I took ADs for 6 months and then took myself off them without telling doc. I then met someone and discovered I was pregnant a few months after (now 11 weeks).

The thing is I've started to feel down again and can't work out what it is. I don't have many friends (lost quite a few during my depressed time) but the ones I do have just keep letting me down. ie plan to go out, I look forward to it keep in diary etc etc and then they cancel with some poor excuse that could have been avoided if they planned properly.
This really hits me hard and voice in my head keeps saying 'nobody likes you..'
This has been something that has plagued me for years and I think it's low self esteem and I am supposed to have positive thought patterns but how do I do that?
Do friends let other people down or is it just me? Should I be making more effort??
Sorry if this is going on a bit but can anyone help?

[Elasticwoman]

Hi Clogsy, I like you already and haven't even met you ! Perhaps the problem is the sort of friends you choose.

We all have friends who let us down occasionally, but closer friends are the more reliable ones. They say you have to be a friend to make a friend.

Do you have any support from relatives, eg your own parents?

[lulumama]

you sound lovely, caring and sensitive

your friends probably have no idea how much their bad planning affects you

people do get let down all the time

when you are feeling low , it feels worse

[clogsy]

Elasticwoman and Lulumama thanks so much for taking the time to respond to me. I have only just managed to respond.

Your messages made me feel much more positive and I need to stop grouping all my woes together because I end up feeling like I can't cope.

Thanks again

[NikkiBFG]

Clogsy - hello and welcome to Mnet Congrats on the preg too - make sure you join one of the ante natal threads here for lots of tips and moral support

I am on AD's for postnatal depression so I totally understand how you are feeling - I used to get paranoid too that friends didn't want to meet up with me - lots of excuses etc and it wasn't nice but then I made myself take a step back and look at things differently - I myself have cancelled lots of things in the past owing to genuine reasons and it didn't mean I didn't like the person involved, so I now try to think - as hard as what it is, that its probably not about me and to try and remain positive.

I am very sensitive about things and its hard work changing your outlook, but it does help things as other people won't change for you - you need to change how you react to them.

Hope this has helped a bit...big hugs

[clogsy]

Thanks NikkiBFG for that. If I'm honest I have cancelled a lot in the past because of not feeling too good and not because I didn't want to see friends so I have cut ties there.

Thuink I will need to take little steps to a positive outlook and stop jumping to conclusions.

Hope you are finding that your outlook is changing. I try really hard but then lose it! Are you finding that the ADs are helping?

Thanks for hugs - much needed

[NikkiBFG]

Yes, the AD's are helping loads! I always try now to make the effort to see people even if I don't feel like it because it always makes me feel better when I have made the effort to get out and I try to bear in mind how I feel when people cancel on me and the less you cancel, the more people are inclined to invite you out next time etc if you see what I mean?

I also rely on Black Forest Gateau as a pick me up - hence the BFG in my name...I highly recommend that!!

[Elasticwoman]

Is this your first baby, Clogsy? What support do you have in the way of partner and/or close family?

[clogsy]

Hi Elasticwoman. Yes this is my first. I'm 36 as well so not a kid. Mum and Dad live down south (i'm up North) and I don't have personal convesations with them - just kind of what's the weather like there.....?
Partner and I are arguing like mad and he has said he's moving out today. He says I'm so moody he can't stand it any more. I have to say he is annoying me quite abit. I don't know whether I'm like this because I'm depressed or because my hormones are all over the place due to being 11 weeks pregnant or because partner isn't right for me.

[Elasticwoman]

My bro and his dp have often threatened to split and are still together after 20-odd years.

In light of baby on the way, could you get some counselling for your relationship? That would help you decide whether to cut your losses or persevere with it.