Anxiety disorder has morphed into terrifying fear of rabies.

[flossingthepussycat]

I should begin by explaining that I have an anxiety disorder which comes and goes but is normally fairly manageable. But, over the last few days, I haven't been able to sleep or eat with worry because of a fear that the kids might have contracted rabies whilst abroad.

I've just returned from a visit to Sri Lanka with the family where we came across lots of stray dogs. We were on the beach one day, and as I was watching the kids playing in the sea, I turned to see a stray dog wandering over our towels. It seemed to be seeking out crumbs from the crisps the kids had been eating earlier.

I approached the dog and started scooping the towels up from under it, thinking I'd put them to one side to stop the kids using them to dry off. Literally as I was thinking about where to put them, my son came up behind me, grabbed the towel I was holding, and used it to dry his mouth and face. I was immediately terrified of him having been contaminated by the dog\s saliva and spent the next day unable to speak or focus, demanding that he have rabies shots, and ended up being put on tranquillisers by a nurse attached to my husband's company, who stayed with me until I was asleep. (My husband is on a job out there) In the end, a second doctor said that although the risk was nil, we could still have the shots if it would put my mind at rest. We had the shots the next day.

We are now home, and I have now started obsessing over the fact that my daughter also used one of the towels I had not yet scooped up to dry her foot. (This happened while I was preoccupied with my son.) I haven;t been worried about it until now - because I know rabies can't pass through skin. However, I have just noticed a mosquito bite on my daughter's foot and I'm panicking that the bite might have been fresh/raw when she used the towel on her foot.

I am in a horrible state. My husband is still away. He says I'm passing irrational fears on to the kids and won't consent to any further treatment as he reckons the risk is nil (how he would know I don't know). I'm really aware of the danger of pasing on my fears to the kids, but can't live with this level of stress either. I'm wondering whether to go behind my husband's back and consult with a doctor anyway, although I doubt whether even that would put my mind at rest, unless s/he agreed to shots.

Any advice would be so welcome. I have taken my meds but nothing is touching it. I can't live with this fear for the next six months.

[JustBeReasonable]

You need to get some help for this.

I happen to know a fair amount about rabies (used to study bats in central America), and I can tell you there was never any risk to either of your children, it is completely and utterly in your imagination. Rabies just doesn't work like that. Please try to believe me on that (and the doctor you spoke to)- the issue is your mental health, not the physical health of your children, and I really hope you can get the help you need for it

[flossingthepussycat]

Thanks so much for your reply. It's massively appreciated. I think I know deep down that it's my problem.

It doesn't help though that when you google rabies, even from trusted sources, it always tells you that there is a theoretical risk from infected, fresh dog saliva coming into contact with broken skin or mucous membranes, although it does say that 99% of cases are from dog bites. I just don't know why they'd say that if the risk is pretty much zero.

I'm phoning the doctor now to review my meds etc.

Thanks xxx

[Twistella]

Couldn't read and run. This sounds like a horrible, tiring state to be in. I hope you get the help you need x

[QueenAravisOfArchenland]

You need to seek help for your anxiety, urgently. Getting rabies treatment for your daughter is just feeding and entrenching the anxiety further. Please get help so your anxiety does not disfigure your lives and your children's lives further.

[JustBeReasonable]

there is a theoretical risk from infected, fresh dog saliva coming into contact with broken skin or mucous membranes

This theoretical risk relies on the virus still being suspended in the fresh liquid saliva, licked over the freshly broken skin for example. A towel where a dog has nosed over it, but not soaked it in saliva doesn't count for that, and nor really would a mosquito bite to be honest. If a rabid dog had licked a fresh insect bite I'd be taking her for a shot, but a bit of a sniff on a towel that is then used to dry her foot just wouldn't work. I promise. It would defy the laws of transmission

[JustBeReasonable]

(Bear in mind as well that doctors in countries where rabies is present are very experienced in rabies transmission and will always be cautious and will err on the side of caution. Think about how unconcerned they were- they are the experts!)

[TokyoSushi]

OP are you having help for your anxiety? It sounds absolutely crippling for you

It is beyond unlikely that either of your DC's have rabies and there is no point seeking further medical advice, except for yourself. It sounds like you really need some help.

[flossingthepussycat]

Thanks for all your replies. Having someone to talk to makes all the difference, especially when the OH is thousands of miles away and has zero patience for it.

JustBeReasonable - you've been amazing, I can feel myself relax a tiny bit, but can I ask one more question? You say that you would take her for a shot "if a rabid dog had licked a fresh insect bite." If the mosquito bite was fresh and she'd been scratching it, causing it to bleed a little etc, does this still not count? (Although I do sort of get the difference between direct licking and indirect contact with the towel) Thank you!

[JustBeReasonable]

If the mosquito bite was fresh and she'd been scratching it, causing it to bleed a little etc, does this still not count?

No, because a rabid dog didn't lick it

Honestly, there is no way there was a) viable virus on the towel and b) that the non-existent virus has got into her bloodstream.

[387I2]

First the dog needs to be infected and maybe it wasn't. Then it must have spread saliva over your towels, which it doesn't seem to have done. Then your children must be unlucky enough to wipe their mouths with exactly that part of the towel, also very unlikely. There are so many other things that are far more likely to happen.

[flossingthepussycat]

Thanks for the reply JustBeReasonable.

Everybody else too.

The thing about anxiety is that it begins with the idea that the worst could happen, and then it zeroes in relentlessly on the worst case scenario. It's no good people telling me that things are highly improbable, as shit does happen. The only thing that has any chance of reassuring me is cold hard science, and to have all the facts explained to me in the tiniest detail, to have all my questions answered.

Maybe it's because I've had a pretty tough year during which so many things have gone wrong. My mum fell off a roof and broke her hip, my beloved dad, who was the light of my life, died two weeks later, as I was still dealing with the consequences of my mother's fall, then my father in law had to have his toes amputated, and my brother in law had a huge breakdown, all of which I had to deal with single handedly, as my husband is always away. Oh, and then my mum fell again. I'm so on edge now. I feel like I'm just waiting for horrible things to happen.

Anyway, I will seek help, and I will have to live with the anxiety in the meantime.

Thank you all xx.

[TokyoSushi]

for you OP

[JustBeReasonable]

Sounds like you're going through a tough time, I'm sorry.

It's great that you recognise that it's irrational though and that you're seeking help. I hope you manage to find some help that works for you

(I can assure you though- it's not just that she's unlikely to have caught rabies, it's that rabies cannot be contracted in that way- it's just not possible for the virus to work like that)

[Devonishome1]

You sound just like me. I have a similar sort of anxiety over my dd it is crippling. It’s ruining my life also. I’m about to get help for it. I’m rubbish with words but I know what you’re going through. I don’t believe that there is any risk to your dd It’s your anxiety that is taking hold. It’s the worst kind of anxiety because you don’t believe anyone but that niggling voice in your head. I’m here for you if you need to talk.

[flossingthepussycat]

Thank you JustBeReasonable. The time you have taken to explain things has been invaluable. I will finish my son's programme of shots and then try to put the whole thing to bed.

Everybody else has been so kind too.

Devonishome1 - you are so right about the niggling voice in the head. It's destructive, crippling, berating, relentless, and makes relaxing or enjoying anYexperience utterly impossible. It's like having a monkey in your brain.

Has your anxiety always been with you? There are things that trigger my episodes and I suppose I have had a tough year. I find life easier if I reduce my activities, simplify everything, slow down, stick to a routine, and get exercise. Its hard because my OH likes adventure, new experiences, and feels comfortable anywhere. However he does suffer from depression from time to time, and he worries horribly about money, which I don't at all, so we both understand that we have limitations, although we're still on a learning curve.

I'm a freelance writer and writing really helps, as it is the only thing capable of distracting me (although sometimes the anxiety can be so overwhelming I can't even write - a bit like now).

Are you on any meds? I'm on flupentixol. I've just upped my dose from one a day to two a day (which is a stated option on the box). It seems to have taken a little bit of the edge off. I have an appointment with the doctor on Thursday.

Please message me if you need to talk xxx

[Devonishome1]

Flossingthecat I hope that you are feeling better today.
My anxiety has been quite bad today. It’s always to do with my dd and fearing the worst e.g if she has a headache I worry that it’s a brain tumour etc etc. I feel that the whole of summer is being ruined because of my anxiety. I’m too scared to book a holiday incase I get this fear whilst away.

I take Propranolol as and when I need them. They help to a certain degree but of course they can’t take the thoughts away. It started for being during pregnancy the worry and also I lost to pregnancies before my dd. I think I always now expect the worst to happen so my mind always jumps to the worst case scenario.

I hate being like this. No one in my family really understands. My husband is the worst. He doesn’t worry about anything and thinks I’m just being ‘stupid’.

I do hope that you are feeling reassured now. I do understand how you feel. Xx

[Bowlofbabelfish]

You poor thing - I am familiar with this level of anxiety and it could actually be anxiety plus pure O manifestation of OCD - is that something that’s ever been explored with you? It wasn’t something I’d considered at all. I thought OCD was much more about compulsive behaviour but there’s a pure O form that manifests exactly like this. It’s crippling.

I’m also a scientist and can just add my voice to the very sensible advice above about transmission risk being infinitesimal to zero. Also about how cautious docs in rabies areas actually are.

Please take care of yourself and if you haven’t already then look into talking therapy as well as the drug therapy - CBT sometimes helps but for me I found much more intensive psychotherapy was the key.

To repeat: no risk to kids.

[flossingthepussycat]

Hi Devonishome1 - thanks for your reply.

I completely get everything you say. My youngest daughter had a headache today and I immediately worried that she might have contracted dengue fever whilst away. My mind always jumps to these scenarios. Most of the time, I manage not to say anything, so although everybody knows I have an anxiety disorder, I don't think they're aware of how chronic it is. (My husband knows, but not wider friends or family.) Your husband sounds a lot like mine btw.

It's odd that you should say that your anxiety started during pregnancy. I've always had low-level chronic anxiety but mine also spiked during pregnancy. For example, I went home one afternoon from work because I was convinced the photocopier fumes were damaging the baby. I also went to stay in a hotel one night because the OH decided to paint a room, and again, fumes. FUMES were a big obsession. There were so many examples like that. I'm now gutted and angry with myself that I didn't enjoy my pregnancies as they were essentially problem-free. (If you fancy a laugh at my expense, look up my blog at Flossing the Cat. I try to channel my terror into writing, although i haven't blogged for a while as I've been too stressed of late.)

You're right that the thoughts don't go away when you find the right meds, but for me, they are no longer right up against my face. I can observe them as if from a distance. I find that yoga and pilates help massively. I can honestly say that when I'm doing pilates, I am entirely focussed on what I'm doing, on the present moment. It's a joy. (And this from someone who never exercised before six months ago!)

I'm going to explore psychotherapy, as BowlofBabel Fish recommends. I'd love to get to the bottom of whY i'M like this. (I am very curious that I may be manifesting a form of OCD. The OH has always suspected that I have a form of this. I have always dismissed it because i don't have any compulsive behaviours, and I'm quite chaotic, but my thoughts are extremely obsessive.

BowlofBabel Fish - thanks for echoing what JustBeReasonable said about the zero risk. I'm finishing the programme of shots I started in Sri Lanka next week, and although i have now been convinced that they're unnecessary, as my son wasn't at risk, t'm thinking at least it will confer temporary immunity if we go again, and as they're safe, there doesn't seem to be any harm in doing so. I hope I'm doing the right thing. (Yes, I will obsess about this too.) I'm reassured that I don't need to do anything in my daughter's case.

You've all been so awesome. Thanks xxx

[Devonishome1]

Flossingthecat you sound much more positive in your last message. I’m so pleased that you’re now convinced that all is ok.I hope you’re feeling ok today.

I’m still struggling,I went to see a councillor a few days ago for CBT after the appointment I felt great and it felt like things had become unraveled a little in my brain.Today I feel like it’s a ball of wool all ravelled together again and messy! I find the emotional torture that bad,that sometimes I just want to physically hurt myself (not seriously) eg scratch my arm so that it hurts to take away the emotional pain so that there is a physical pain to cocentrate on instead of the mental pain/torture.

I’ve got a few tasks to try out that I’m hoping will help.I keep trying to find ‘the’ book that will make the big difference!

Anyway I’m going to have a little read of your blog. Glad that writing is a good tool for you.

Take care. Xxx

[Devonishome1]

Flossingthecat also what you said about the photocopier machine...that’s actually what I would have done!! I remember when my daughter was newborn one of my husbands friends came to see her. He wanted to hold her,I think he smoked! I was feeling agitated whilst he held her incase he had cigarette smell on his clothes. As soon as he left I changed her outfit. Similar sort of thing.