My daughter is one and I love her dearly, but more and more frequently I have had little to no patience with her, I’m finding it difficult to control my temper and more often than not, she is in the cot on her own whilst I calm down.
I have had to change my hours at work due to child care and have gone from a really enjoyable job with a good team to working alone and hating every second of the work I have to do. I’m in no position to stay home as every benefit calculater says we can claim nothing, even though my husband only works 30 hours a week.
I recently took a few weeks holiday and got to spend time with my baby, I finally felt like a mum after struggling a lot when she was tiny. She’s now a proper little person with a personality and I finally felt like I was doing a good job. Since being back at work, I’ve had less patience with her because I can’t leave my job at the door, I dread every second of every day knowing I’ve got to go back. I really don’t know what I can do. I wish so badly that I could be a mum and give my daughter the time and attention that she needs to thrive, yet I find myself wishing I hadn’t had her so that I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in. She didn’t ask to be born and all she gets is an angry mum who lives her but can’t show it.
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Mental health
Struggling with no more options
LauraLiz91 · 14/06/2018 21:34
Hello op I just read your post. I have no experience with babies. I just want to send you hugs. It seems you are in a lot of stress. You want to spend more time with your daughter and not being able to do is causing you a lot of frustration. Also, looks like you are really not happy with your job atm and find your dh not very supportive.
It seems to me your job is causing you a lot of stress and unhappiness.
Please don't take this stress out on your sweet, little, harmless baby. She deserve her loving mum. Can you try mindful meditation? It might sound silly but after you reach back home from work can you spend 3 minutes to do a relaxing mindful exercise. From my experience, I always feel much lighter after 3 minutes. You can try a free phone app called 'Headspace'.
Also can you try to get more support through a support group/family/therapy?
I am sure more experienced ladies will come and offer some practical advise about other issues 
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