Therapist asked to see my partner next time

[InkyPinky66]

Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone who is seeing a therapist, has been asked to bring their partner in with them next time?

Iv recently been diagnosed with bpd and i am really struggling with life in general right now. My trust in my partner is at zero.
Iv not given the therapist any indications that im struggling with the relationship yet ( im in my 3rd meeting with him) i really didnt want my partner to be involved in this side of my healing, simply because i swing between blaming myself for everything - and thinking he is being a master manipulator.

Am i wrong for wanting to do this alone?

Is it normal procedure?

Thanjyou in advance

[KeemaNaan]

Have they given you a specific reason why they want them there? To be honest I’d not want my DH involved.

[Isadora2007]

As a couple counsellor I do see couples. However when I work with individuals I would never ask them to bring their partner in. If they asked to bring them for me to help talk over something they felt was important I would consider it... but my loyalty is to my client and your therapists should be to you. It’s entirely up to you to say who attends YOUR therapy sessions surely?

[bastardkitty]

It's your therapy. If you're not comfortable with it, just say no. Is it a private therapist or NHS?

[InkyPinky66]

Thankyou for the replies.

He didnt give a reason, he asked if he was in the building, i said no. He then said id like you to bring him in with you next time. I was nervous (and dont like speaking up) and just agreed.

Its an NHS therapist.

I am uncomfortable about it, i struggle speaking about anything really, with him sat there it will be so much pressure.

i thought it a bit odd. But iv never been before this so i dont know whats 'normal'

Again, thanks so much x

[bastardkitty]

It is odd. I will be back later - in a rush now.

[bellaboo82]

that's really odd - I have traits of BPD and my therapist always said the option for them to come along is there if I felt I wanted them to and if they wanted to.
You're right to ask them why they want to speak to him.
A lot of my friends in my therapy group had family sessions with their key worker but it was always communicated why and what the therapist was wanting to achieve. If they had indicated they weren't getting the right support at home, their partner wasn't being "understanding" etc. The therapist helped devise a session with them to understand how the family were feeling without pointing blame, and gave tips on how they could support their mum/sister/daughter/son/father/brother through the therapy and diagnosis.
There is a good book called "loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Y Manning. It's endorsed by Marsha Lineham who did a lot of insightful work into BPD and my partner has read it. While it doesn't all apply to me, he did notice some characteristics which has helped him understand why I react to certain situations.
I also did Dialectical Behavioural Therapy which professionals recommend to those with BPD and I really got some benefits from it.
I started taking Fluoxetine too and that has helped ease physical factors.
I also empathise with you thinking your partner is a master manipulator, I often get stressed out and think my partner is controlling me but it's often my emotions and the past of abusive ex's which make me lash out. Often we paint a bad picture of them and they get the blame but it's really hard with BPD, but I found group therapy really helps and learning DBT skills, it has helped me take a step back and rationalise things before reacting.
i hope this helps :-)

[Super123]

I think it's wrong that he asked if he was in the building, so would have brought him in the session with no warning.

At least you've been warned. Is it an option to phone or email him to say that after consideration, you have decided you don't want him in.

At your next session you can ask why he suggested that.

This is your therapy and it's absolutely your choice who goes in with you.

[FluffyFerrets]

I find it strange too that he asked if your partner was in the building. Would he have just went ahead and invited him in if he was just sat waiting for you?
He should have told you why he was suggesting it and most importantly he should have asked if you wanted that.
You 100% can say no.
If you find it easier then do as a pp suggested and email him before your next session to say that you are not comfortable with that and you would rather he didn't suggest it again.

[bastardkitty]

What role does the therapist have? It shouldn't have happened like this. If therapist felt there was a role for involving your partner that should have been a discussion. I'm surprised there was no build-up to this and no checking out of the possible pros and cons.