Depressed husband

[4teens]

I am feeling like everything is falling apart, and don't know what to do. My dh has been battling depression for over 10 yrs, and is medicated, again nearly 10 yrs with a yr gap in there somewhere. Cbt didnt work.
This last few yrs has been extra tough. 3 yrs ago he had an affair, this time of yr. It seems worst at this time of yr?
He has been drinking more, staying out very late, hiding where he's been.
He has admitted he considered crashing the car, with him in it.
But I just don't know what else to do. I want to go with him to the dr, but I don't even know if he'll let me. I also don't know if he can carry on in his job, it's stressful, but don't know how we'll survive if he quits.
I just wondered if anyone had any advice?

[facelessvongorgeous]

Hi, I hope this hasn't fallen off your "threads I'm on". I'm not in your posting as I'm the ill one, but from the other perspective I'd like to comment.

Firstly, protect yourself and any children you have. It's not your responsibility to fix him and you can only support good choices he makes. You sound pretty desperate and you don't need to suffer in silence or take on everything - it's an illness and you need support and wellness too. If it's too much forgive yourself.

If he's unwilling or unable to seek medical help then keep make sure your routine, structure and outlets are solid. If you want to stay in a supportive postion you need to be well and psychologically able to maintain that role, which involves putting yourself first.

Look into plan B, whatever this may be. Contingency plan for every eventuality.

For him, keep everything as consistent as possible while still maintaining your mental and physical health. He won't benefit from you excusing behaviour as change needs to come from him, but consistency may be beneficial to manage anxiety. Still put yourself first.

Overwhelmingly it seems like you're the one having to break and he needs to recognise getting to a manageable place isn't easy either, but you can't make yourself ill to enable his destructive behaviours.

[4teens]

Ty for replying. He did go to the dr. Long story short, he got help, from the dr and a team of supporters, in a house not far away. It has been hard to manage, but it will no doubt be harder when he comes home.
I will keep your advice close to me, as I know you're right, and need to keep myself well and strong.
It's by no means 'over', I think the next part will be harder.
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