Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

How much more can I take - give me a freaking break.

(4 Posts)
Bluemoon1 Tue 14-Nov-17 23:42:52

Ok..... I think that it's about time that this year and life in general gave me a freaking break. I've had enough and not sure how much more I can go on before I have a complete breakdown.
Approx 4 months ago, I lost a job I liked and had been in for almost 9 years, but I was struggling financially (minimum wage, too many bills etc) as well as physically...... lots of time off sick due to a very severe back prob and severe asthma which meant frequent chest infections (I don't smoke, never have) Following the loss of my job, there have been financial issues and things between my partner and I deteriorated further.
He was abusive and threatening, demanded sex and when I was too tired, not in the mood or my back hurt he would not speak to me for days and we'd have a huge row and he would accuse me of cheating.
The final straw came when he had been out watching the football, came home drunk, tried to 'force' me and smashed lots of my belongings. The following day whilst he was out I left and came to a refuge.
I have been here for 6 weeks and i hate it here. There are no children involved.

The thought of spending Christmas in this place is killing me.... My back pain is even worse due to the stress, steep stairs and the thin mattress, the people here are a nightmare (i understand that they have difficulties too) and I have had enough.

I don't have any savings or any property. The property I lived at with my former partner was rented and only in his name. I left almost everything I owned from the house behind. The police have arrested him for assault and criminal damage etc etc....the court case is at the end of November and I am so scared that he will get away with what he has done to me.

I was offered a 1 bed support property (flat) with the people who run the refuge; but it's only available for up to 2 years and it won't be available until after Christmas.
I had reservations about accepting it anyway as I am worried that I am still in the assessment phase of ESA and if I get 'sanctioned' or whatever it is called I'll have no money for the bills etc.
I don't know what to do for the best - i have so much going on at the moment that I can barely think straight.
I have been considering getting a private rented, shared house although that too is a hurdle as few landlords will accept those who need to claim HB..... I have had an email from someone this eve who will.
The house looks nice and it's in a good area with 2 other tenants in there. I have a real dilema and conflict going on in my head now
I am totally stuck as I don't know if I want to go into a shared house situation and if I give up my place here and rent privately, I will drop back down the list on the priority allocations for a council property and lose the supported flat.
The advantage of the shared house is that the landlord will accept HB and all bills are included in the rent payment so if I am sanctioned on ESA, I won't have to face weeks with no income and bills mounting up....all I will need is food.
My head is spinning.....i honestly don't think that I can tolerate another week in this place. I am so sorry for waffling
......i am completely stuck.

Bluemoon1 Tue 14-Nov-17 23:57:20

Grrrrr my muddled head.....forgot to add that I don't have any family or anyone that I can turn to. I feel so alone, lonely and isolated. I think i was vulnerable, my ex took advantage of that and exploited it.

I just want to have a life and not for my life to be on freaking hold which it is here. I cant begin to move on from the trauma and emotional pain and make the physical pain lessen a little (swimming and physio etc) and get my life back while I am here being constantly reminded of what happened and having to listen to the experiences of the other residents..... that prob sounds heartless, i don't mean to be, but it's soooooo depressing and it drags you down and makes you feel bad....its preventing me from moving forward.

celticmissey Wed 15-Nov-17 00:23:51

Well done to you for getting out of such an awful situation - that takes guts. If you have property at your ex's address you can get it back - contact your local police - they can facilitate this for you. As awful as you are finding it at the moment at least you are safe and now have the freedom to make your life as happy as you can. Do you have an IDVA - an independant domestic violence support worker? or a worker from victim support - you should have a domestic abuse support organisation in your area who can allocate you a support worker who can help support you with plans /practical help for the future. The refuge should be able to provide the details and either they can refer you, you can refer yourself or the police can refer you. Re the housing situation if I were you make yourself an urgent appointment with a Senior Housing officer at the Housing Department - they can give you advice and when you have all the options explained to you you may find it easier to make a decision. I am assuming the police assessed you as at high risk of abuse hence you going into a refuge. As far as I am aware local authorities must give priority accommodation to victims of abuse who have been assessed as high risk. It's up to you but I think the flat probably sounds the best option - the refuge staff have experience of supporting victims and you will have their support. That will give you some breathing space to try and get better emotionally and physically and who knows after 2 years you will probably be in a much better place in life. I understand what you are saying about not wanting to listen to other people's experiences as you want to move on but at least you are safe and the refuge is only temporary. Can you take yourself out in the daytime? if you are well enough maybe do a bit of voluntary work? do you have any interests? to escape it a little bit? all the best to you for the future just make sure you use all the support that is offered so you don't become isolated.Look to a better future.

Bluemoon1 Wed 15-Nov-17 00:49:54

Thank you for your support @Celtic
Yes I have a suport worker who provides weekly support sessions here at the house as well as contact with victim support and signposted to other organisations, refered for counselling etc.
As I was offered the support flat, I was not placed on the housing list apparently and the demand for social housing in this area is very high and the properties low so even as a priority, you tend to have to wait many months and then a council property may not be suitable.
It feels a little like a roulette, whereas at least with a private property it might be shared, but at least i have more choice, it is quicker and I won't have to worry about bills etc.
My thoughts are that whilst at the rented property I could seek support independently through counselling services, yoga, mindfullness programs and by doing the freedom prog myself etc and I will get back on track.
Prior to meeting that scunbag twat I was actually quite independent. I need to get back to that. I feel my 'recovery' would be quicker and I would feel stronger as I achieved it myself.
I could also still do a housing application and keep onto them about my various medical issues and needs and try to ensure that I get to the top of the list asap while I am comfortable in a nice house.
As for safety, the arsehole is locked up at the moment but he will never find out where I am as I am now outside (by 70 miles +) from the area where we lived.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now