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How do you stop yourself worrying about what might happen

(24 Posts)
Tarragona Sat 30-Sep-17 10:08:24

That's what I do and just lately it's making me miserable.
I've been on medication in the past but it didn't stop me doing this, just made me put on weight.
I really can't go on like this. I am jumping from one thing to another, imagining things going wrong. There are some nice things to look forward to but I'm just doing the "what if?" thing in my head all the time, worrying the plans will be ruined.
I need to speak about what I am worrying about and for someone to put things in perspective for me but I don't know where to turn other than the gp who will either prescribe anti depressants or offer cbt, which I had over the telephone but it didn't help. I'm ashamed and embarrassed 😩

Tarragona Sat 30-Sep-17 16:23:49

Sorry. I seem to have started a few previous threads about the same thing. Just felt the need to talk this morning. Ignore me.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Sat 30-Sep-17 21:41:29

I would explain to your GP that the telephone cbt didn't help and ask what else they can offer. As I understand it there are different tiers of mental health support they offten start with a cbt therapist, then if that doesn't work move up a tier.

If you can afford private therapy I would highly recommend NLP (neurolinguistic programming ) this changed my life.

Honey1975 Sat 30-Sep-17 23:09:13

I understand this feeling OP. I worry all the time, about everything & cbt just didn't help at all.

NoLonger, I am interested in NLP and know someone who's trained in it, however it is not cheap. How did it change your life if you don't mind me asking?

ShirleyPhallus Sat 30-Sep-17 23:11:44

CBT for me

Absolutely life changing

NolongerAnxiousCarer Sun 01-Oct-17 10:05:12

I went on the NLP foundation diploma and nlp practitioner training through work. It completely changed the way I think. I can honestly say I used what I learned multiple times every day, I am much more aware of how I think and speak and the effects of that on how I feel. I am more resilient and more understanding of why other people may react in the way they do. I feel like I communicate more effectively with other people including DH and this has improved my relationship hugely.

Last year I developed PTSD. I saw a councellor, who then refered me to a psychologist, as she felt out of her depth. I saw the psychologist for several months and my symotoms got worse each time. I then went to see an NLP therapist privately who cured my PTSD symptoms in 2 sessions. At the time I couldn't really afford it, but in the end I decided that I couldn't afford not to do it and for me it's the best money I ever spent because it's given me my life back. I had got to the point where I couldn't even remember how to make a cup of tea, had regular panic attacks and urges to self harm. I had been off work 12 weeks and was getting worse rather than better. The pannic attacks stopped after my first session and haven't returned, my concentration and memory have improved and I am back at work full time.

Honey1975 Sun 01-Oct-17 13:48:48

Thank you NoLonger that sounds very interesting. So was the diploma for you to train as an NLP instructor or for you to learn the techniques to help yourself?
What exactly is it? I've had counselling & cbt but neither have worked long term so am desperate to try anything that may help me.

Diamondsforeyes Sun 01-Oct-17 22:06:59

If only I had an answer OP. I feel dreadful at the moment. I've been so wound up with one thing after another I just can't get myself out of it. I seem to be on high alert and my brain is inventing reasons to worry. I do the catastrophising and what ifs and it's a total waste of time and energy. Worrying about something won't change anything, I know that, so why do I do it?
I just hate the physical effects as well. Heart racing, that awful nervous fluttery type feeling constantly in my chest. I just want to feel calm and relaxed. And when I get like this, I seem to wallow in it and can't do all the exercise, distraction things etc.
But looking at me from the outside world, you'd never guess what a mess I am. It's tiring putting on a front.
No answers, just sympathy.

Hassled Sun 01-Oct-17 22:17:58

I'm very similar - to the extent I'm having therapy (which has helped).
I really like what Oliver Burkeman writes in the Guardian - this article about being too focussed on the present helps put things in perspective. It might be worth browsing through his articles.

Diamondsforeyes Mon 02-Oct-17 07:27:27

I read the articles Hassled and like what he says about looking back and it's true. When you look back on all the things you have worried about, how many of then have turned out bad and ruined your life? And if they didn't turn out as wished, did you cope and are you still consumed with worry today. It does out things into perspective.
But although I agree and also understand the principles of cbt and what I shouldn't be thinking, I can't seem to put it into practice. The irrational, strong part of my brain is too hard to change.

Woolycardi Mon 02-Oct-17 16:45:30

I hear you. I have an irrational, stubbornly persistent part of myself too. And I have thought for a very long time that I am completely at the mercy of that part of me. It turns out (via a very long story) that I was wrong. That that strong part of me was built on a lot of beliefs that are bullshit. I have had a lot of therapy before I am even starting to touch that and it's almost like the part of me that believes I can't be changed is the problem part, if that makes any sense?

Diamondsforeyes Mon 02-Oct-17 23:00:28

That sounds exactly like me Wooly. Very interesting. Do you think the therapy is helping now?
I too think that I will never change my illogical way of thinking and that's me for life.

Woolycardi Tue 03-Oct-17 13:43:44

Yes, but it has taken a very long time and a near complete breakdown to get here, so I'm not sure I would necessarily say it's for everyone!
I feel now like I bring that part of me to therapy, even though that part of me thinks therapy is useless and can never help me as I am beyond help. But overall I know there is something useful in just gently challenging that, week by week, building trust with my therapist, learning to speak to myself in a more gentle way, challenging myself when I instantly jump to conclusions and become judgemental. It's very hard work, but I have hope that I may live a more gentle way of life from here on in. I am tired of thinking I am unreachable.

colouringinagain Tue 03-Oct-17 22:02:18

In the very short term OP, when you find yourself thinking about something you don't want to, say "Stop" out loud, assertively and actively distract yourself.

Sounds crude, but it does work and in the medium term, CBT techniques can help you deal with these thoughts more effectively. Best wishes.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Thu 05-Oct-17 08:34:33

NLP stands for neurolinguistic programming.

The foundation diploma was about managing my own state. The practitioners course was about learning techneques to use with others, but because we practiced on each other was very useful for me too. Theres a good online introductory course at

Tarragona Thu 12-Oct-17 08:36:27

Thanks everyone for the replies. I am interested in N L P and will look into that.
I can really relate to having an irrational/stubborn part of my brain that just won’t change. It’s like one part is sensible, can put things in perspective etc but the other part is niggling away with the doubts and worries and the worst case scenarios all the time. I can control that “bad” part for a lot of the time but sometimes, like now, it takes over. It’s ridiculous that just one comment in an everyday conversation can set me off as well. I will then focus on that one idea and my mind goes haywire. I’ve got an internal argument going on in my head constantly at the moment.
However, I know I won’t go to the gp because I’m not rock bottom and I am getting on with things. My current situation will work out one way or another and I will calm down. Until the next thing!
I’m going on a bit but it helps to interact with others who understand.

PhoenixMama Fri 13-Oct-17 11:17:37

There's a type of therapy for obsessive thoughts which is based on "Maybe"... Maybe this thing you're obsessing about will happen, maybe it won't. Apparently it helps your brain balance out a bit. But I'll be honest medication might help too. It's not "normal" to feel this way and there is a lot of help available out there if you want it.

Tarragona Tue 17-Oct-17 22:40:30

What is this therapy you mentioned Phoenix? I am interested.

PhoenixMama Wed 18-Oct-17 07:57:03

I haven't done it but a friend has - a good example is if you search BBC documentaries on youtube and look for OCD camp. Good luck!

Cakefortea1 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:19:23

Goodness are you me? I feel exactly the same. I'm on a day off work and instead of getting up, going to gym, painting daughters bedroom I'm in bed feeling so anxious I feel powerless to do anything. I am utterly terrified.

seventeenlittleducks Wed 18-Oct-17 10:45:28

Cbt was brilliant for me but I went through 3 people before I found a brilliant one that really helped. It really is worth giving it a go and if you find it's not working, switch people or try a different type of it. I went from being on the brink of a mental breakdown from being over anxious to next to no anxiety without medication. It doesn't work for everyone but it could work for you smile

Robotlady Wed 18-Oct-17 16:37:50

This is me. Went to my GP this morning and was prescribed ADs which I may start taking (after many years of resistance) because I'm so desperate and I can't go on as I am.

The NLP stuff sounds interesting though, as does the 'maybe' thinking.

Elusiveone Thu 19-Oct-17 23:50:30

Im on my second week of a 8 week worry management group and its really good. You learn about anxiety and how to control it. I had 121 cbt sessions but this is so much better. Its through talking therapies if you have one in your area and can do a self referral. I have chronic ocd n anxiety and was amazed how much ive learnt in just two sessions.

Tarragona Mon 23-Oct-17 07:31:13

That sounds like something I would be interested in Elusive. I’m just so sick of myself and this stupid jumping from one thing to another. I don’t know what’s going on in my brain but it’s like it needs something to worry about so I give it one. I’ve just finished worrying about something, which turned out fine btw, and immediately I’m on to the next thing and I can’t go on like this.
There is a talking therapies in my area, which is where I did some telephone cbt (utter waste of time) so I will enquire. I think maybe a group thing would be better if I could pluck up the courage to attend.

I had an awful day yesterday, Dh was at work and I was alone with my thoughts all day long and was tying myself in knots with it all. Does anyone else get the physical symptoms of pounding heart and what I can only describe as a nervous fluttery feeling in my throat? I even quaffed a large glass of wine last night to try and calm myself down, but it didn’t work!

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