not coping

[user1498911589]

i'm not sure what else to say really. I'm fine when I'm busy at work (mostly) but as soon as I leave I feel physically awful - aches in my neck and joints, miserable and fed up, lonely etc.

I don't have any friends because I have anxiety and I can't socialise with people - tonight is the end of year do at work and I'm not going because I know I'm not wanted there; I'm not a likeable person at all so I'm doing them a favour by not going. I find everything stressful; if the house is a mess, if I don't have enough money (I don't) and if my DCs (both teens) are argumentative.

I've seen my GP over the last three years and I'm on beta blockers which do help with the anxiety as they enable me to keep it together at work, anti-depressants (I've tried many) don't make any difference and I've exhausted every possibility for different support from the GP.I had an online CBT course which helped at the time but that stopped over a year ago and problems at work with a former colleague (they've left under a cloud) made me feel anxious again as I felt it reflected badly on me. I tried my best to help them and can't help but feeling that if I did a better job then they would still have their job.

I'm not a nice person, nothing is going to change that as I've never been a nice person. I know that for a fact since I haven't had any friends during my life and I think it's realistic to assume that it's me and not them.

[NolongerAnxiousCarer]

sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. Just wondering if you have access to any councelling through work? I have had councelling and psychology though work in the past through my occupational health department