Impact on kids

[PhyllisWig]

Not sure if this is the right place to post and it feels really trivial but could do with some reassurance.

I have suffered with anxiety since dd was born - she's 7 now. V anxious pregnancy after infertility, loss and ivf which then bubbled into massive post natal anxiety/OCD. This was managed through counselling and medication and after about 18 months I stopped the meds.

Since then I've had periodic bouts of anxiety - mostly health anxiety and thrown up in periods of stress. I had a course of cbt which really helped, I am used to the cycle and can recognise and manage what's happening. For the most part I have kept this away from dds although I'm sure they've pick up on bits.

I'm in the middle of a cycle right now and it's shit as it appears to be accompanied by a lovely bout of depression which isn't usual for me. I've been low, tired and weepy and know I'm not managing my anxiety as well as usual in front of others. I know what the cause of this is (work related triggers) and have a Drs appointment to discuss how to manage.

At the same time dd2 has turned into a devil child. She has been lying, writing down that she hates me, being sulky, stroppy and distant. she says nothing's wrong but she's never been the most emotionally open child (her sister is more like me and wears her heart on her sleeve). School is fine - she's a bit of a cry baby and hates losing but she's always been like that. She's bright so not struggling with work although is doing SATS at the moment.

We've always been very close but something is feeling a bit off and I can't help but feeling she's picked up on my current mood. I'm being needy, hyper sensitive and paranoid so not sure if this is a perceived or real issue.

DH is on hand for support/consistency for both of us but I can't help feeling I am fucking her up a bit ad I'm. It being the parent.

Am I reading too much into things (is this just a charming 7 year old stage) and how do I manage this?

[PhyllisWig]

Should say 'and am not being the parent'. Should have proof read!

[YouWannaPutWhatWhere]

I totally get where you are coming from on this as it's something I've discussed in therapy - the conclusion we came to is that while it's a concern, the mindset when we feel like this then tries to take it from us as caring parents and turns it into another stick to beat ourselves with.

Concentrate on self care, accept that to some degree you have to face the MH issues again as she's growing up (you say that you recognise the cycle - that's such a great thing as you can start to fight back!) you clearly love her, children can be hurtful at any age as so many of us know, you are just finding it difficult to brush off now.

Maybe your daughter will be affected by this - maybe she won't , I worry that there may be an inherited aspect to my own issues - I don't know, I'm in the early stages of trying to learn how to be vigilant, empathetic / non dismissive of my children if it decides to come to them, and equip my family to support each other if necessary.

Be kind to yourself OP, you are clearly made of strong stuff, this will pass, you will come out of the other side each time better prepared for the next one, you are not alone, we are all here to listen