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I cant believe I have been self harming.

(13 Posts)
kkps2 Wed 14-Mar-07 20:49:19

I have changed my name as I cant cope with the shame I feel.

My husbands lies and deceipt have ground me down and down. First I felt sadness, then it got worse and worse until utter frustration kicked in. I have started to scratch my arms from top to bottom cause I dont know what else to do. He always had a problem with lying and it used to be a bit of a joke. When he would tell stories he would exaggerate. Then it got worse...the he started to gamble and now it has got so bad. I hate myself and dont know where to go. Even making him leave he still lies and I have to be nice for the kids. I want to hit him so hard until he sees how much he is hurting me . All I can do is sit and cry. Why is he doing this to me when he says he loves me

Ceolas Wed 14-Mar-07 20:54:16

Oh how awful for you.

Sadly, there are lots of people on here with experience of self harm.

Bumping for one of them.

nearlythree Wed 14-Mar-07 20:59:41

Your dh has a problem. No matter how much he loves you, he can't help himself. He has an addiction to gambling, it's like any other addiction, it takes over and comes before everything else.

I haven't self-harmed often but I know where you are right now. It releases the pain for a little while, doesn't it? Somehow if it's physical pain it's easier to deal with.

I have never sought help as it has only been a very occasional thing for me, and what stopped me was what you describe - the shame, not wanting to be that way for my dcs. That, and deciding no-one could do that to me. But, if you find it gets too much, you must talk to your hv or gp.

Thinking of you.

pussycatmomma Wed 14-Mar-07 21:00:49

hi kkps2........ I have selfharmed for a number of years. Although i do not really wish to discuss this on mn, If i can help you in anyway to chat then please email me
I am pretty stable at the moment so dont worry about triggering me.

Take care of yourself.

Nemo2007 Wed 14-Mar-07 21:02:54

Aww hun huge hugs, I agree your Dh has a problem but he will need to seek help for it. As for the SH I have been there all too often and can understand the frustration. I think you need to speak to someone for support for yourself and possible depression brought on by your situation.

recoveringmum Wed 14-Mar-07 21:05:30

hi kk. i have self harmed my whole life and have recently managed to stop.

many times being hurt by someone else triggers self harm. the thing is, please try to think that your husband already hurts you with his lies, dont let him have the power over you to hurt you more through your physical self. he is the one with the problem, not you.

what about trying to get help for your husband to stop with his problem?

ohsmellyjelly Wed 14-Mar-07 21:06:16

Message withdrawn

MascaraOHara Wed 14-Mar-07 21:08:29

I think I know who youa re and I'm really sorry to hear this....

you know we're all here for you, right{?)

MerlinsBeard Wed 14-Mar-07 21:09:53

I was going to use my other name for this but thought better of it.
I self harmed in a lot of different ways for a very long time, still do when things get really difficult. Its a way out, a release but, like many things, its a viscious cycle.
I can't help with any advice about your DH i am sorry. however, i am happy to talk about your self harm if you need to... mumofmonsters at gmail dot com

Hopefully someone will be able to help you with your H

swoosh Wed 14-Mar-07 21:13:14

Oh, kkps2, I'm sorry. I'm a scratcher (amongst other things). It hurts. A lot. In many ways

Have you had/ got any help for this? From your gp etc?

I have a stroppy toddler here so can't type much atm, but I'll pop back.

Please take care - there are other threads about SH, that may help you feel less alone if you feel like searching.

Mercy Wed 14-Mar-07 21:14:55

sorry have no advice or experience of this but just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this

amybee21 Sat 18-Jul-09 21:52:26

I have a history of depression and self harming for nearly 10 years,i relapse sometimes if things get realy bad, but i have a little technique which wil help. If u self harm with an object,iv always used a razor,remove yourself to the furthest quiet room away, and i just repeat out loud "i will not cut myself" repeatedly untill i calm down, it does work.A lot of people have said they feel ashamed, please dont,its an addiction like other things,its just lots of people dont understandx

Rafi Sun 26-Jul-09 22:25:59

I might try that Amybee, thank you.

At the moment, whenever I'm feeling stressed or angry my first reaction is to cut or burn myself & my arms are a mess

I know I need to stop & I know I need to want to stop. It's just finding a way to do it, & so many of the websites on self-harm only seem to be about / for teenagers.

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