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My son wont go out other than to college

(6 Posts)
user1492692447 Thu 20-Apr-17 14:36:21

I think I may have a problem with my eldest (17, nearly 18). He always hated going to playgroup when he was little, then hated school and now college. He seems to be doing the right college course but still doesn't like going. He does not go out with friends socially. The odd time his mates (x2) will come round and play xbox for a couple of hours but that's it. Im not too concerned with the not going out, not every one wants too! But what does concern me is he WONT talk about the future ie future college courses, part time work, voluntary work, work experience etc. I think he just wants to pretend that will never happen and he can stay in his bedroom watching films for the rest of his life.
Yes we have anxiety in the family and I think this is one of the problems, but my son denies this and also wont talk about it. He will not speak to or be nice to his younger brother or his Dad ?
He is a very quiet likable lad with a cracking sense of humor but just scared of life i think.
Any one else got this issue or any advice on where I can go for help?

NolongerAnxiousCarer Thu 20-Apr-17 17:53:24

His GP would be the first port of call if you are concerned about his mental health. Or his college, does he have a particular tutor responsible for him you could talk to. Colleges often have careers advisors and also councellors available to support students.

user1492692447 Mon 24-Apr-17 13:22:32

Thanks for your reply. No, the college doesn't have a dedicated tutor etc. It is so different from school! We had a chat with high school when he was there and the pastoral care team were really good. They directed us to the doctors too. Problem there is we have rubbish doctors. He basically said he would grow out of it. That was 3 years ago and he has only got worst not better. I will have to try the doctors again I suppose and tell him he hasn't grown out of it!

Catrina1234 Mon 24-Apr-17 17:36:25

I think your son sounds fairly typical for his age - ok he's more introverted than others but that's his nature and there's probably some anxiety in the mix.

I am honestly not surprised that he won't talk about the future because he's afraid isn't her - many teenagers (or most) are afraid of the future but manage to cover it up but your son has his head in the sand. I realise there does need to be a discussion with him but you can't force him and he will come to it when he's ready. My son was very similar (aged 50 now!!) but things worked out in the end.

I'm also not surprised that he won't talk about anxiety - it's very embarrassing isn't it for teenagers to have to talk about MH issues. Same for adults too. It probably makes him feel a failure and that there's something wrong with him. Cut him some slack and just acknowledge he's going to take longer than others to go through the various stages of life.

There's a website Young Minds that might be helpful.

Catrina1234 Mon 24-Apr-17 17:40:47

Just seen your other posts. What is it you want the doctors to do. It doesn't sound like your son has a diagnosable/treatable mental illness and the only other thing a doctor can do is refer to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service) There's usually a long waiting list and it's a talking therapy and most teenage boys hate talking about their problems to a stranger, but it's worth a try. Much depends on who you get as some are better than others.

Guiltypleasures001 Mon 24-Apr-17 17:42:35

Hi op

Some of this is typical of some teens, but on the the other hand. It can very much be sleep walking in to a social phobia. I would have hoped that the pastoral team at the college would have had an in house counsellor attached to the site.

Your ds may find that his room is his sanctuary, but over time it can turn in to a prison, which will start having negative effects. If not already.

Have a look in your area for charities offering counselling for teens, most offer free sessions eg the YMCA. Good luck

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