Need a handhold or maybe a grip

[Iloveteamilknosugar]

-nc but a regular-

I am feeling so low today. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have for some time - years in fact. But lately I had gotten a hold on it. I felt "OK" Not good but OK.

I went to bed at 6.50pm last night as my husband and DS had fallen asleep on the sofa. I woke at 9pm as heard husband moving around then turned over and went back to sleep til DS woke at 5am shouting for medicine as he had tummy ache. Got to work with a feeling that I was extremely hungover - dry mouth, headache, fuzzy head - despite not having a drink since Sat.

Asked a colleague not to switch the coffee machine on today and could they please use instant instead as the smell give sme headache. Colleague snapped back that they were putting it on as usual. I retorted with "I am requesting you don't because it gives me headache - are you putting it on or not" Colleague said my attitude stinks lately and they were taking up up further. I tried to explain but they were having none of it. Went back upstairs and burs into tears. I usually get on well with this colleague. Yes they are going through some shit but I am too. My DF has again been referred to local CPN due to his MH issues and I am worried about my parents.

Colleague came and apologised, said to forget it and saw me upset.

Have taken some paracetamol at 7am for my headache this morning,- have just taken some more and some ibuprofen and whilst looking at the packet thought it would be so easy to just take them all.

WTF is wrong with me today

[cushioncovers]

Have you been to see your gp? Are you on meds or having some talking therapy? Can you take a few days off work and give yourself a break?

[PurpleDaisies]

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. When was the last time you saw your gp about your anxiety/depression?

[Iloveteamilknosugar]

I am on fluoextine - have been for a few months. Have previously been long term on citalopram (and found them to no effect eventually), changing to sertraline (which made me worse). I have had some counselling and am awaiting CBT but as it's within the NHS, I have no idea how long my referral would take.

I am due a few days off from this evening with tomorrow by myself - which I have craved for a long time - time to myself - but I am also scared of being alone.

I'm ashamed to admit that I felt like taking the whole pack....

[PurpleDaisies]

Don't feel ashamed about feeling down-you just need some help.

If you're feeling like you might hurt yourself you need to speak to someone medical. Could you try and get an emergency appointment tomorrow?

Does your husband know how you're feeling at the moment?

[Crispbutty]

I sometimes feel like that when I have had too much sleep.

[Iloveteamilknosugar]

My husband is part of the problem - in the kindest way possible. The dynamics of our home have changed due to his hours being cut and he is under a lot of stress and pressure because of that. A pride thing I suppose because he has said in the past he worries he cannot provide for us which is bobbins

I don't think I would hurt myself but its just the fact the thought even entered my mind upsets me.

[KatherineMumsnet]

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

[Iloveteamilknosugar]

I need to chase up my CBT I think....

[NolongerAnxiousCarer]

Going back to your GP sounds like a good plan. Also think about what self care you can do on your days off, exercise, sleep, meditation, hobbies. Whatever works for you.

I know how scary it is when we have these thoughts its good to be able to share them. Samaritans 116 123 or email [email protected] is a good place for support too.