Unemployed and on the brink of suicide

[user1489765049]

I'm done, there is simply nothing left of me.

I've been looking for a job as a Social Worker for over a year now. I've been for 25 job interview. Every job application I write I get an interview as I have wonderful experience and knowledge that I find easy to put into words.

Put me in a job interview where I've got to perform though and I crumble. My feedback has always been the same. You gave a good first impression, you had some good details in your answers but others had a higher competency mark and you didn't prove your competency to a required standard to get the job.

I almost feel as if I have some kind of undiagnosed learning disability as writing down I'm fine, but I cannot think and speak my answers.

I am done now. I have lost all motivation. I was in care my whole life so have no support network. I spend 24/7 alone with my son. It's soul destroying, heart breaking and I actually feel as if I'm becoming mentally ill as a result.

The isolation and lack of mental stimulation s truly soul destroying.

I don't want anyone giving me well meaning advice that I've already heard a million times before

But is anyone or has anyone experienced this? I feel like the only person in the word who can't get a job and feel like such a failure.There's only so much rejection I can take and I've been rejected my entire life.

I did so well to beat all the odds to get a Masters degree in this subject, but I've failing at the last hurdle.

[economydrivegirl]

I'm so sorry you're having a shit time, it sounds horrendously stressful. I too know what it's like to struggle to get work and wonder if there's something awful wrong with me.

Do you have any friends in real life you could have a chat with over a coffee just to feel a bit less alone? Is your gp any good - I think it would be good to book in first thing Monday, and insist on an emergency appointment if they try to fob you off.

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

Interviews should be outlawed as cruel and degrading treatment. I jest not!!!

There is so much riding on the results of an intrview for someone in your situation that you are under extreme pressure to preform. You get nervous and it is sooooo very easy to do something just a little bit wrong.

I know from personal experience just like yours. One interview a month for over two years and getting nowhere. Every interview could mean a move of house to another part of the country. So much prssure for every interview and then the huge crash when I got the rejection. In the end I decided I couldn't do any more interviews and made a positive decision to seek work by an alternative means.

[user1483981877]

So sorry you are feeling like this OP. Do you have anyone you can talk to in person? Counsellor or crisis team? Do you have any fellow social workers from your studies who could perhaps do practice interviews with you?
Itsnoteasybeingdifferent could you please enlighten me on your approach to finding alternative work please? I definitely need something alternative. I appear to not handle main stream.

[darknessontheedgeoftown]

I am very sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I have some experience of this and surviving it. DM me if you'd like to know more.

[treaclesoda]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I was driven to self harm and seriously considered suicide when I was younger purely on the basis of my feelings of failure at being unable to find a decent job.

The feeling of failure, of there being something massively wrong with me, coupled with society's view that anyone who is hard working will be rewarded for that, left me feeling so inadequate that I couldn't see any way out.

You have all my sympathy. It's a horrific feeling.

[PhilTheSahd]

Hi. I'm long-term unemployed too (although since my DD arrived I've been able to be a sahd as cover so I don't have to say that I'm unemployed to anyone including myself; it also helps me feel useful at times) . I basically tried to get into a competitive career and kept failing - I'd get jobs but then fail a probation period a few weeks in (the industry I was in often puts it in contracts that if you miss a performance target in your first x months they can fire you with no notice period and just one weeks garden leave) . I got fired from my first four jobs after uni in this way before trying a minimum wage admin role at a company that was in that industry, so that I was at least near what I wanted to do. I managed to lose that role as well, when my DW was 7 months pregnant, so after a few weeks of looking and not getting any interviews my DW said what about just being a sahd for a couple of years, do some training in free time, and come back to career later. Now I get really anxious about applying to jobs at all, and I'm suffering from loneliness. I don't do well at not being around people, my wife does too much overtime and often has to travel for her work so is away for a week every few weeks, and we moved counties for her job and all the people I know are either working or back where I grew up. I talk to myself alot and get so unmotivated its ridiculous.

[PhilTheSahd]

For mental stimulation I find learning new things helpful. I don't know about social working, but in and around my area of interest there are lots of online/app based learning material so I can teach myself stuff that might be helpful in my career at some point. This gives me something else to do, and give a bit of sanity - the feeling of I'm doing something useful, something beneficial to my career that isn't just more of the dreaded job hunting. I'm not saying stop the job hunting, but maybe do less, to allow yourself to do learning. Maybe you might be able to feel more confident and have more to talk about

[Cranb0rne]

Hi, my husband was in a similar situation. It took him nearly 2 years to get a job after finishing his PhD. He had a spreadsheet of applications he had sent off and there were over 300 of them. Funnily enough, he had long hair for most of the time but then went and got it cut short and got the next job he interviewed for. Go figure.
Is there any way you could practise your interview technique with a friend or family member to try and boost your confidence? I also have an interview ritual where I get my hair blow dried the day before so it looks good. My brother used to have a sunbed session before his interviews. Sounds superficial but if you feel good about yourself going in, it really gives you that kick in confidence.
Don't give up, my husband was despairing of finding anything but it did happen.

[Cranb0rne]

Not implying that you look scruffy in any way...