So anxious!

[Puffinsareblackandwhite]

Haven't been on here for a while because things were going well. Upped my dose of ADs after a wobble in work and it's been mostly plain sailing since then. Except for tonight. I am really tired (12 hour day on 6 hours sleep) and I am so anxious! I can only vaguely identify one of my usual triggers, but it's got to the point where I am having intrusive thoughts about self-harming. Needless to say this is not good. I have never self-harmed and don't think I would act on my thoughts but fuck, it is really unpleasant! Will tell DH now. Not sure why I hadn't.

[Puffinsareblackandwhite]

Have identified a few triggers. I know my mind is skewing everything out of proportion but it just feels so real when I'm in the middle of it. I need to share my intrusive thoughts but I am worried it will be upsetting to read. I don't want to tell DH what they are because I know for sure he will get upset. I also hate that it is almost a relief to have them (they're really violent) because it distracts from the upset in my head.

[araclouise]

Hi ❤️ your most probably sleeping now but I just seen this . I have terrible anxiety , attacks , insomnia and awful intrusive thoughts. I was put on citroplam and beta blockers but they made me feel worse sonic stopped taking them a week ago and just feel the same . I'm going to the docters tomorrow because I'm struggling so bad tonight . Iv never told anyone about what thoughts I have this is why I'm thinking I'm not getting any better . My boyfriend just thinks it's general anxiety and il get over it . But Iv had it for years in just good at hiding how I really feel . I would say Defo talk to your husband . He will understand and you will feel 100 times better . My boyfriend gets annoyed if he sees me being anxious because he thinks I can make it go away and it's my fault it happens because I just sit there and done distract my mind . So I can't even say how I'm feeling to him. If you need to chat I always here hope you feel better in the morning ❤️ xxxxx

[araclouise]

I forgot to say Iv self harmed in the past my arms and legs . My arm is pretty badly scarred . I used to donit about 5 years ago . And if I could do that I'd make myself sick . It was an odd way of punishing myself . I never used to get intrusive thoughts about it but I used to have bad urges where I just had too when times were hard . Lately I'm thinking a lot about killing myself and it's the only time I feel relaxed because I know there's a way out . I wouldn't donit tho because I'm petriefes lied of dying ! Sound crazy don't I 😂 anyways goodnight xxxxxx

[NolongerAnxiousCarer]

Hi, I'm familiar with the urges to self harm too unfortunately. They really are horrible. I find distraction helps, andcimagining the urges as waves that I can ride out. I also find accepting that I am feeling that way seemscto help rather than trying to push the thoughts away. Hope your DH was able to support you through last night.