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Did my mental health issues stem from my childhood?

(2 Posts)
JHmummy Thu 26-Jan-17 13:48:17

Hi everyone (BORING LONG POST ALERT)

I've had this thought for a little while, and cannot seem to shake it. I have mild depression and moderate anxiety. My relationship with my mum has always been strained, which was mostly to do with her being so 'overprotective', which seems ironic now. She never let me leave the house as a teenager, and when she did let me she would call me screaming that I return home immediately for no good reason. This resulted in me sneaking around a lot, and lying to her every day. I could never trust her, so never spoke to her about anything that happened in my life. I have no memories at all of her being affectionate to myself or my siblings. I didn't have many friends at school, and wasn't very happy at home so seeked out meeting people online. I had a new boyfriend constantly, and would travel the whole of London by myself to meet them. I was beyond irresponsible. I just wanted to feel loved, wanted and appreciated. I lost my virginity far too soon, I wasn't emotionally ready and it still has an affect on my sex life to this day. My mum made me fear the world, because she appeared scared of the world, and I am scared of so much. I cry at everything. My mum is still in my life, as I have a child. I'm bringing my son up completely different to how I was raising. We kiss and cuddle all the time. I tell him the truth about everything. I'm hoping to have an honest and open relationship with him. My mum isn't affectionate towards my son at all, not that I expected it. However I'm worried that she may start rubbing off the bad qualities, that she gave to me, on to him. He is two at the moment, and is slightly speech delayed. I've always taught him the correct words to objects, but my mum has started babying words down which is really starting to bug me. I.e. Fish - fishy, bird - birdy. Why? He can say fish and bird perfectly fine, so why does she feel the need to do this. It is now starting to confuse him, and he is using fishy and birdy often. I correct him in front of her, and I've told her why we use the correct words and she still continues. She ignores a lot I say. She will give him sweets and chocolates when I'm serving his lunch out? Iv let it slide before as it's only once a week, but it's still disrespectful when she can clearly see what I'm doing. She bitches about my siblings to me, so I know for sure she does the same to them about me. It's really starting to grate on me, and I'm starting to dread taking my son there. How do I deal with this? I've spoke to her in the past about how I feel, and she isn't the kind of talking about feelings person. She will leave the room. I don't want to cut her out my life, but I do feel like she has such a huge impact on my mental health and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm being unfair blaming her for my mental health issues, but as a mum myself now I know for sure I'd protect my son from feeling the way I do, and I think she didn't have the same intentions. I personally feel like she may also have mental health problems, which are either untreated, undiagnosed or she just hasn't told us about them. My siblings also have problems that they don't admit to, I think they are in denial. My brother hasn't left the house at all in three years. My sister I believe has severe anxiety. My other sister I believe has a personality disorder. The worst thing is they all act like a normal family, and I feel like I'm on the outside looking in watching them all act. Any advice would be great. I just needed to rant and let it all out really. Thank you for reading xx

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Thu 26-Jan-17 15:13:37

I can see similarities between you and me.
My mother used to scream herself into hysterics hurling abuse at me. Turns out I am manic depressive..

On reflection I think I have inherited her depressive nature.. I don't think I acquired my health issues from her behaviour. My problems are my own.

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