I've never felt so utterly terrible in my whole life. Everyone tells me how handsome my baby boy is, my husband and my parents are so happy, but I don't feel anything except tired and disappointed.
I had a traumatic birth, 4th degree tear, 2 surgeries, major blood loss, 4 days pinned in bed not able to anything for my baby. Since then, I feel like I've just been chasing my tail trying to keep up with everything he needs. I feel terrible asking for any help even from my husband because there was already so much time when he didn't have me. I barely feel like a mum at all.
I'm trying to breast feed, and I feel like that's all my baby sees me as. Him and his daddy have this lovely bond, and I'm just boobs and that's it.
My husband keeps asking me if I love my son but I honestly don't feel anything. I just feel like I'm working so hard and that's all that I have room for in my brain and I hate myself.
I feel like I want to be one of those people who go missing, just clear the bank account and start again in a foreign country but it would kill my husband.
I don't know what I'm asking I just want to write it down I think and admit to myself how bad it is.
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Mental health
3 weeks old - can't cope
10 replies
MermaidMartian · 18/01/2017 15:00
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