Insecure, needy, ruining relationship

[Namechange1964]

Not sure where else to post this ...

Sorry, this may ramble on a bit ...

Most of my life I've been insecure and behave badly in relationships. It's as if I need attention all the time to feel secure. I need to be told he loves me all the time or I start doubting it. If he's quiet for whatever reason I think it's because he doesn't want to be with me. I start questioning it, if he then won't discuss it - usually because he doesn't feel well - I get frustrated and then angry.

I'm aware this behaviour is appalling. I'm trying to change, but in the heat of the moment I seem to lose the plot and all rational thinking goes out of the window. To the extent that I tell him it's not worth continuing with the relationship, it's too much hard work ... Blah blah. I know, I know ...

I also react badly when he's ill - I can't work out why, but it's almost as if I have to be worse off than him (or anyone) all the time - again centre of attention.

I hate the picture I'm painting and I don't want to be like this. I'm worried I'm bipolar or schizophrenic or something .. I feel like I'm going crazy.

I'm waiting for counselling and hope that will help.

In the meantime I wondered if anyone recognises this kind of behaviour and could give me some tips or recommend some reading that might help.

Sorry this is so long. Please don't just slag me off, I'm aware it's not ok. I'm desperately unhappy. I've suffered with depression for many many years. Just hoping for some help.

Thanks for reading.

[JenBehavingBadly]

No one can diagnose on the Internet, but look up Borderline Personality Disorder, or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, Borderline type. Do they resonate at all with how you feel things go for you?

[Namechange1964]

Thanks I'll take a look.

Sorry I wasn't looking fur a diagnosis, more just wondered if anyone had similar experiences and had found a way of coping.

[whatishistory]

OP, sorry that life can be hard. From what yiuve said, there's no indication of bipolar or schizophrenia in how you behave. They are very different. Maybe some therapy would help so you can try to understand why you feel the way you do. Knowledge is power, as they say.

[RainbowDash92]

This is exactly what I'm going through at the moment. I finally picked up the courage to go the Drs about it yesterday and I've been reffered to a therapist - however NHS waiting list is long so could be 2 months. I got offered AD's but declined as I want to try do this on my own. I've got to go back in two weeks so he can see how I'm getting on and see if I've changed my mind with anti-depressants. I think I've got a borderline personality disorder to be honest.

[LondonRoo]

And it takes two to tango! Maybe the people you have been in relationships with aren't sufficiently attentive to your needs to give you the reassurance you need. It works both ways - maybe you need to learn to relax and go with the flow and they need to learn to be more available and reassuring to you. The former will be easier if the latter is in place in a relationship!

The counselling might help you work on your side of relationships but choose your partners well to make sure the other side is not neglected.

You might find "Attached" by Amir Levine really helpful. It is a book that helped me get my head around how I as someone who is pretty damn independent and strong ended up in a relationship that left me feeling needy and vulnerable... And more importantly it helped me find someone who would be a much better partner for me.

Roo

[Namechange1964]

Thanks ... How weird! I just ordered that book yesterday, it sounded like it would be useful.

I don't know .. My bf has a chronic illness, so very focussed on himself a lot of the time. It doesn't help, no, but my reaction is way out.