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Feeling so isolated(6 Posts)
Sorry if I ramble a bit, but here goes..
I'm a new mum to a beautiful 4 month old girl and currently on maternity leave. My partner goes to work every day and is home for 5.30, his dinner is made and ready for 6 at the latest. He leaves the house at 8am and from that point on until he gets home I'm by myself with madam.
I've tried so much to meet other mums and new people but for some reason no one seems interested. It's knocked my confidence for six and on Monday I took her to a new play group. We arrived 10 minutes early and there were a handful of other parents milling about and chatting to each other. They obviously all knew one another already and one particular group of mums were stood within earshot blatantly talking about me and asking each other who the new girl was and why was I there. I smiled and tried to say hi and every single one of them turned their backs on me. I left before the group started in tears.
I've never been the most outgoing of people and always had a very small friendship group but I like to think I'm relatively approachable and nice.
I don't know what to do to stop feeling so on my own. Weekends are amazing as we spend time together as a family but I'm fed up of crying every single weekday.
I've suffered from mental health problems in the past which manifests itself in the form of Trichotillomania and I'd done so well in it mostly growing back. There's a new patch that seems to be getting bigger by the day and I'm absolutely terrified of having to go back to full wigs.
Not entirely sure why I've posted this on a national forum and I'm not expecting any replies or advice but I just needed to get it out I think.
The other mums sound horrible. These things can be so ridiculously cliquey, it's like school all over again. DS is almost Y5 and I'm so glad the tedious toddler group/school gate nonsense is almost out my life.
You sound a bit fragile. Could you have PND? Is it worth a trip to your GP for a chat?
Hair loss can occur when you stop breastfeeding, is that relevant?
Do you have any family or friends nearby?
Thank you so much for replying, you don't know how much it means to me.
Fragile is a very good way of putting it actually. Unfortunately no family around but I do speak to my mum on the phone most days. The poor woman even booked me and madam a flight to go over for a couple of days a few weeks ago as she was so worried about me.
The silly thing is, I know how cliquey those things can be and if I'm completely honest I'm not looking for friends for life, just ONE person who is at the same thing as us on a regular basis I can have a grown up conversation with.
I did mention how I'm feeling to the health visitor and she basically just shrugged it off saying it was baby blues and I'd be alright if I put myself out there more. Not sure I feel confident enough to talk to the GP about it and I probably wouldn't be able to find the words.
The first few months with a baby can be very hard. It was for me. I suffered from trichotillomania as a teenager, and I get how important your hair growth is. Modern life seems to facilitate loneliness sometimes. We just don't have the support networks in place. I would speak to your HV again. Baby blues are not trivial.
I had the same experience as you at the first mum's group I went to, but, I HAD to keep going, I needed it and I had to make it work. It did work, I made great friends, I even made friends with those women who turned their backs the first day, and told them about how it made me feel and you know what they didn't even remember it.
I went to lots of groups and I made myself an unofficial greeter, I always said hello to new people, I cooed over their baby and I got them a cuppa. I never wanted anyone to feel how I felt that very first day.
Then I moved countries, I walked into a group and was treated the exact same way as the first time, and I walked out and never went back. There is no magic solution, but, you are not alone in how you were treated and it 100% was not about you. Try to go back, see if you can get over the hurdle, and if you can make sure that any new faces you see always get a good welcome.
That's absolutely awful for you to feel this way and shameful on those other women. I feel sad seeing posts like this. I would most certainly be your friend. I'm so sorry you feel this way. It says alot about these women and nothing about you xxx
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