I'm quite worried about writing this, because I already feel very ashamed of who I am. I feel ashamed that I cannot beat depression and anxiety and strike it from my life.
I'm also worried you will all judge me badly, which I'm not sure I can deal with right now. As I feel shitty enough with myself.
I've suffered most of my life. Self harmed as a teenager. Have always gone into self destruct mode when overly stressed.
I feel as though the things in life that most people can deal with, I end up struggling way out of proportion and act unreasonably.
I'm newly dating right now. And he's the most sweetest guy I have ever met. Yet when I'm not with him the doubt creeps in. I have no reason to worry apart from my past experiences. So I end up being all insecure and needy. He doesn't deserve that. Yet he still stays. Try's hard to comfort me and build up my confidence.
Throughout the years I've been on and off anti depressants. I'll start then. Once they are full working I'll feel on top of the world. After a while they will begin to not be as effective and so my doctor will up the dose. This usually continues until I feel zombie like. Which I hate.
I then get to a point in life where I don't like feeling numb anymore. And am coping quite well in stressful situations. So will stop taking the medication.
Obviously weeks down the line when they are fully out of my system
I'm back to square one.
Currently I can feel crap for no reason at all. Everything can be going great. I'll be super happy. Yet the physical symptoms will consume me.
I'll be left feeling angry and anxious. That feeling you get before you go on a roller coaster. Or maybe how you would feel if you were suddenly faced with something very frightening. The feeling of adrenaline kicking in. Of panic. Feeling sick. Super tired. No motivation to do anything and just wanting to curl up in bed and staying there.
I really really really do not want to see my doctor as they will just give me yet again more anti depressants.
Sorry for the long post. I guess I was hoping to find people who manage to live life and enjoy it without the medication.
All I've done today is cry for absolutely no reason. Have even resorted to going back on my ecig to stop me going buying cigs (I quit cold turkey 4.5 years ago and haven't had a puff since).
Am I silly to feel this way? Why can't I just 'control' it? Why can't I ignore it? Change it?
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Mental health
How do you beat depression and anxiety without medication?
10 replies
JustBoppinAlong · 11/06/2016 19:26
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