Anxiety :(

[MessyBun247]

My DD2 who is 15weeks now, took very ill very suddenly when she was 4 weeks old. Her bowel had twisted severely, although we didn't realise this until she had emergency surgery to figure out why her nappy was full of blood. She was totally fine and healthy until she woke up from her nap that day, she had a strange cry and felt cold. My gut told me something was very wrong. I called my mum, a retired GP, and she came over and we took DDs temp, which was very low and she started going blue around the mouth. I'll never forget the look of panic on my mums face when she realised how low the temp was. I've never ever seen my mum panic before. Ambulance was called, we got to A and E and when I stripped DDs clothes off her I realised there was blood in her nappy. That's when I realised started to lose it, running out to be sick while lots of doctors and nurses were rushing in and out and sticking needles in my baby and she was crying and I couldn't do anything to comfort her. They took her to ICU and sedated her, then took her for surgery. Luckily it was successful but she had to stay on life support for 4 days, before being moved to another recovery ward. We were in and out within a week, and DD recovered perfectly and has had no issues since we got home.

While she was in hospital, although I was absolutely devastated, stressed, worried, upset etc I sort of felt like I was living in a (bad) dream and was sort of out of body and not really there?

When we got home I felt a bit wobbly for a few days, but with a EBF newborn baby and older child to look after, I didn't get time to process things properly.

Now this past couple of weeks I've randomly started having bad anxiety attacks. I think my mind is slowly starting to let me process what happened. It's worse when I'm home alone with the baby, so I'm trying to get out and about more, and have something planned for every day.

Im being referred for counselling so hopefully that will help.

Just look for hand-holds, advice, reassurance, anything really

[MessyBun247]

Forgot to add, the surgeon said if we had waited another 12hours to bring her in would have died.

[jellyrolly]

You poor thing, I can't imagine how terrifying that must have been. Thank goodness she is ok now. I'm glad you have been referred to a counsellor who will hopefully be able to give you some strategies for processing this and for coping in general. Might it be possible to see if there is a support group, real or online? Maybe the hospital have some information? I think often only people who have really felt what you have felt can get it, the feeling that you are understood can help healing. It might be useful to start a diary/notebook and keep some notes for your counsellor and also for you to see how you are moving forward.

[Haggisfish]

Sounds like it might be sort of post traumatic stress type thing. I'd ask for counselling referral to talk it through and see gp for medicine possibly-beta blocked could help stop the physical symptoms. Glad dd is ok now.

[MessyBun247]

Thank you both. It was the feeling of helplessness that was the worst, being forced to watch her in pain and not being able to do anything about it. Now sometimes when she cries I start panicking again, even though logically I know she's just tired or a bit windy.
A diary is a really good idea, I think noting down my feelings would be a good way to work through everything. And il look and see if there are any online support groups, talking up people who have been through something similar would really help.
If the counselling doesn't work il look into medication, would rather not when I'm BF but needs must.
Thanks again