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Suddenly feeling overwhelmed with family life(11 Posts)
I am a SAHM and I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed with family life. Everything is stressing me out. I have 4 girls and I'm 30 weeks pregnant with my 5th, a little boy. I have always been ok and got on with life the best I can for the kids but for some reason the past few weeks I have become really overwhelmed and highly stressed with everything. My husband works full time and often starts early and finishes late (the latest can be 21:30) so I'm often on my own a lot during the day and the night. Then he goes to the gym on the nights he has free so it's me constantly alone. I have no friends and no family close by. It's the constant routine that's depressing me. Cleaning, making meals, shopping and school runs I'm finding it hard and can't manage it anymore. I don't know what's happened to me coz I used to be ok. It doesn't help when the house is constantly affected by mould affecting everything in the house so I feel like I have to constantly replace things and it's depressing me. I have done all the usual things to combat it and even got a dehumidifier. The council say i just need to keep ventilating but I also found out that the raked ceilings we have are not insulated proper due to the design of the property so it makes the ceilings and walls extra cold but they said they don't have a legal obligation to improve the design so I'm left to deal with it. It's depressing me and I don't want to live here. I have no choice though so I think this is contributing to the problem. I feel overwhelmed with it all and I feel like I'm constantly buying new furniture to replace mouldy ones and it's got me into debt. I think if they sorted the ceilings out problems would reduce. I can't use that side of the house because it's cold and that's when furniture is ruined. I also have OCD so I'm constantly worrying and thinking the worst. I'm worried my kids will get ill coz of the mould. I'm worried the mould is embedded deep into my kids wooden beds that I can't see. I can't settle and I'm agitated and unsettled all the time which I think is part of the OCD coz when something isn't right it bugs me and bugs me and the only option would be to move out of this house.
I don't know how to feel better. I have no motivation anymore and just feel like sitting down all day and do nothing!
I'm nor surprised you want to sit down and do nothing - 5 kids and one on the way is a big deal. Sounds like DH doesn't do much to help - ok he works late but goes to the gym, so gets some down time that way. Do you ever have any time for yourself? Obviously some of the children are at school.
Is your house a private rent or a council/housing assoc house. If it is I think you need to lean on them and get the damp sorted. Same if it's a private rent really. SHELTER are an excellent housing charity so you could try contacting them. I was watching a TV programme recently where a family were living in a mouldy damp house and the owner wouldn't do anything about it so Shelter got involved and found them a new damp free property.
Re the OCD - I can imagine your living conditions must make this very difficult. Sorry I don't know much about OCD. Have you looked on the MIND website.
Do you think you could be perinatally depressed (if that's the right term) and you could talk to your HV or midwife about this. You sound more fed up than depressed but I don't know.
I feel overwhelmed at the moment too. I'm a sahm with a 12 year old, 15 month old and I'm 21 weeks pregnant. Money is tight, everyone's ill this weekend (except me) and I'm feeling hormonal and overwhelmed by responsibility. If I wasn't pregnant is have a couple of drinks when the kids are in bed but I can't even do that! It's tough and lonely sometimes
Oh, goodness, no wonder you're overwhelmed. Any of the things you describe would be stressful by themselves, but you're pregnant, have OCD, have housing worries, 4 children to care for largely alone. and to start with.
I'm really just posting to say that you've been heard and it sounds hugely tough, and don't have anything vastly helpful to say, only that shelter sounds a good idea and also telling your midwife next time you see her. Do you have home start or whatever the lovely charity that sends volunteers out to lend a hand? I've often regretted not finding out about them when I was overwhelmed by having little ones and I think they might help, even with feeling a little less isolated. I think the volunteers are often mothers of young grandparent age and will often just listen, make a cuppa and play with the children a bit.
Hope you find some help but know that you're not alone in feeling overwhelmed. And I only have three!
Thank you all
I'm sorry that it's not just me feeling overwhelmed.
I just feel so stressed out. I've lost motivation in my house because it's full of crappy mould all the time and I just don't see the point anymore. Husband doesn't understand. His reply is always ' we will get it sorted'
Al his shifts this week are late ones and the two days he has off he will be at the gym at night so that's pretty much every night sat on my own in this house after a stressful day. The kids are really hard work and they really push me. They behave for him so I feel like he has a easier life than me. He gets to work, go out with friends, pursue his hobby with the gym and I'm just this mess who can't cope. I'm the one shoes expected to deal with this crappy house and the kids behaviour.
I feel bored and tired of everything.
I shouldn't moan really, there is worst things but sometimes can't help it.
If I wasn't pregnant I would be opening a bottle of wine right now and drinking it all!
I have weeks like this - I am on my own with 4 DS (eldest is 7) and it's hard.
Things that help me are to have a good routine with the housework / laundry so it doesn't build up and stress me out.
I pay for the younger 2 to go in the creche twice a week so I can go to the gym / swim and have a shower in peace.
When I feel really overwhelmed I cancel all my plans for the week and set myself little tasks to get back on track.
I find doing a large shop very overwhelming so I do 2 smaller shops a week on the days when I only have 1 little one at home.
I also take a low dose of citalopram (anti-depressant) which stops me worrying too much and being agitated all the time though I do still have my moments.
Be kind to yourself
Is there a very good reason why your husband goes to the gym so often? Otherwise, it seems as if he's getting time off and you're not. That's really not fair of him.
He goes to the gym just coz he wants to. The kids are off school today so thought I'd get a lie I'm in the morning but he got up at 6:45 so he could go to the gym before work and disturbed everyone and all the kids got up. So whilst he was enjoying the gym I had to put up with the kids from 6:45 and I'll have them all day until 19:00 whilst he's at work. It's like he takes everything and all the time goes to him
Feel like walking away from them all. It's too much especially when I'm never doing anything else
Takers never stop taking, that's why givers have to stop giving. That sounds trite I know but you want change DH's behaviour but you can change your behaviour which in turn will change his. Start with small things - I don't know your routine but just stop doing some of the things you do. I imagine you do bedtime - well don't do it and when he comments tell him you're too tired and maybe he could do it. Well that's quite a big thing really but you can think of some small things. A HUGE thing is for you to go out as soon as he's home from work - he comes in - you go out - do you have a friend/relative you could visit or just a walk around as it's quite a nice evening - well it is here.
Remember - If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got!
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